bad habit...

No, this is not in reference to the song by The Offspring...although it ranks as my favorite song by them.

I've had this habit about as long as I remember, minus the three years I had braces.  The habit?  Biting my nails. 

My nails were gorgeous from eight through tenth grade, as the bits of nail would get stuck between the wires.  Yes, I know that sounds disgusting.  One would have thought that after three years of not doing it, I would have kicked the habit.  Nope.

The only other time I haven't bitten my nails was my phase of acrylic nails, which lasted from my wedding to about six months later.  When the nails hindered me from doing basic home improvement tasks, I stopped.  Sadly, I did try to bite the acrylics.  I never succeeded.  And once I stopped getting my nails done - you guessed  it - I was back to my old ways.

But why?  Nail biting in itself is defined as an impulse control disorder (falling into the OCD category).  If there is a trigger for nail biting, it is usually stress or anxiety.  In my case, I think it's two-fold:  a habit because I feel I constantly have to be doing something with my hands and general anxiety.   It makes sense.  I'm told I  run on two speeds - stop and go. If I'm not doing something somewhat active (physically or mentally), I will fall asleep.   As for anxiety...well, if you read the end of my previous blog, no explanation is really needed. 

This gave me an idea.  I've pretty much kicked the caffeine habit (although I do have the occasional frappucino or diet cherry Dr. Pepper/vodka drink).  I've started to make the effort to lose that final 20 lbs (yay for boot camp!)  So, what's one more thing, really?

Yup, I've decided to attempt to stop biting my nails.  I bought the bitter nail polish deterrent-type stuff and everything.  Plus, it's now been four whole days since I've bitten them.

However, I have discovered that I can now tap my nails on tables, walls, etc. and make noise.  This might just lead to a new habit....

We shall see.

my (perceived) absence

Lá Fhéile Pádraig sona duit!

Or in plain English:  Happy St. Patrick's Day!

No, celebrating with a Guinness or two (as green beer is an abomination) is not the reason I've been a slacker (or at least that's my perception) in keeping up in the bloggerverse.   In fact, I've been online quite a bit - but just not here.

The reason for my (perceived) absence is three-fold:  creative ventures, reaction to a shitty Wisconsin governor and happy pills.

Creative ventures are indeed a good thing.  I landed my first official freelance gig as rjl creative in the form of a logo design.  Granted, it was for a law firm and thus, not very "outside the box" design - but I look at it as a foray into new territory.  I can do the whimsy as well as the traditional (even if the whimsy is way more fun). I may eventually get the logo on my website.  I've also been commissioned update the Southeastern Wisconsin Arts Guild blog - for which I designed the logo.  If you're looking for something to do in the arts community in SE WI, check this site out!  

On the "paying the bills job", I've been delving into the world of video editing (which I haven't done since college - and I'm sure the technology has evolved slightly) as well as learning about podcasts and RSS feeds.  As much as I love the graphic design aspect of my job, print media - while still present - is declining.  One can only go so far with graphic design and basic web skills, so I must evolve along with the marketing industry.  This is fine - learning new stuff is fun for me.  And no, I highly doubt this new found knowledge will produce the next SModcast-esque podcast.Who knew that my creative and technical skills would eventually merge?  It frightens me verily....

A shitty Wisconsin governor is not a good thing.  In fact, Scott Walker is a fucking douchebag.  During the past six weeks since his dictatorship over the state's government, I have been reading articles, blogs, etc. about how this doofus is stripping citizens of their rights and putting the state's future prosperity on the backs of the lower and middle class.  Additionally, I commend the Wisconsin 14 for fleeing the state and exposing the current regime for what it really is.  This is not what democracy looks like.

Well, I guess that tells you where I stand on the issues facing Wisconsin.  However, it has prompted me to be more involved in politics (which I strangely like) and stand up for causes I believe in.  Call it the proverbial fire under the ass.  As a result, I have gotten into debates (and some arguments) facebook - particularly regarding the Wisconsin situation.  And really, at this point, I don't care if you agree with me or not - at least realize there is another side to the story (even if I contend you're wrong).  If so inclined, I also have been posting frequently on my Twitter account - some political in nature, some completely random musings (i.e. damn this Greek yogurt is good).

Happy pills are a good-bad thing.  As some of you know, I was having health issues the past couple months.  I wasn't feeling like myself - extremely jumpy, having "worst case scenario thoughts", insomnia, etc.  After numerous tests (my cholesterol, vitamin levels, thyroid, blood sugar are all fine), I was diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder).  Yes, this surprised me as much as anyone.  But in reviewing the past 2.5 years, I realized I've been through a lot of shit (with some good sprinkled in) and quite frankly, I'm surprised it took this long. 

I can tell you anxiety meds are not fun.  The first one gave me acid reflux - and for someone who never has even had heartburn prior to this, that was interesting.  The second one gave me killer headaches.  If that's what a migraine is like, I never want to experience one.  Finally, the third time is the charm (I hope).  It's been a week and so far, so good.  Although, this may hinder me in hoisting more that a couple pints 'o Guinness this evening. 

Sláinte! ~ Cheers!