what.a.difference.a.year.makes

It was a year ago I was asked to resign as my role as CKI (Circle K) Administrator due to an incident I will not disclose here. That resignation came with mixed emotions.

I still feel I was not given a fair opportunity to explain my side of the story; and that the decision would have been the same regardless of what I said or did. I still feel that I let people down, even if it ultimately was not my decision. I miss the comradery shared amongst CKI'ers and my fellow administrators; a comradery that, aside for a handful of folks, has fallen completely by the wayside.

Truth be told, I was planning on resigning at the end of the 2009-2010 year on my terms. It definitely didn't happen that way. It's almost as if the door known as the five-year stint as Administrator/Ass't Administrator was abruptly slammed in my face; yet ironically there was no real closure.

However, when one door closes another door (or more) opens...

In hindsight, not being CKI Administrator allowed me to focus on areas of my life, areas that had been neglected due to time limitations. These areas included (but were not limited to):

friendships

creative endeavors

relationships

friendships

Being CKI Admin took up about 13 weekends per year (not to mention other events, phone calls, etc that would pop up now and then). I don't begrudge any time I spent with CKI, but it shot my weekend social life to hell. "I'm sorry. I have a Circle K event to go to" was a phrase I used rather frequently. It also made it difficult for me to meet non-Kiwanis family new people.

I've been lucky to meet a lot of new people in the past year, and being a people person, that makes me happy. I've also reconnected with "seasoned" friends, which is also a great feeling. However, I will focus on one circumstance; it just seems to fit for this time of year.

About the time my weekends again became my own, I started playing bar league volleyball again (after a two-year hiatus). The way this team was assembled was unique - I'll just call it the "Reid factor". Each team member knew Reid somehow; whether it be previous vball teams, chance meeting at Tracks or doing yoga headstands at a WH3 event. Whatever force bought this motley crew together, we became the new (and supposedly improved) "suns of beaches". However, it was clear we shared a like for alcoholic beverages and having fun. Fun is good; and it served as a welcome diversion to the whole CKI thing. These SoBs also served as support through my hand surgery and my move this summer; just mere months after meeting. This also led to playing on another team, Sand Pimps. (Yup - I'm a sun of beach and a sand pimp. My parents would be so proud!)

This was exactly what I needed - having fun times with a great group of people. A year later, we're still ballin' in the same bar leagues in Milwaukee and Reid makes "guest appearances" when his travels take him across the border. Comradery still exists...sometimes you just have to look for it.

creative endeavors

Some people would figure I'm creative every day, being a graphic designer at work and all. True, I am creative at work. It's why I like my job. Yet any creative energies (or energy in general) was consumed by CKI. I'm always happy and honored to lend my talents when needed, but it didn't allow me the freedom to explore.

That being said, the outcome of my work projects have been more creative and innovative. Instead of just thinking outside the box, I've come close to blowing it up. I've been doing some freelance work as well, some of which I'll actually be getting paid for! What a concept, eh? More importantly, I've revisited two creative areas that I haven't had time for in recent years: writing and photography.

Writing....well, you're reading the fruits of that labor now. I write for my own enjoyment and if someone else likes it as well, even better. Photography was an art I showed interest in during my high school days, but after a semester it was evident that me in a darkroom was a disaster in the making. My interest wasn't renewed until I went on a Baltic cruise in June 2006. Maybe it was the charm of Galma Stan in Stockholm or the intricacies of churches in Russia and Estonia but my interest was renewed. Yes, I am now a camera geek and have one with me 90% of the time. I have the photo blog to prove it.

Oh, and I keep saying I want to learn bass. No comment on that (lack of) progress.

relationships

Since my marriage ended in stellar fashion, I admittedly was a bit gunshy. While I did date during my time as Admin, it proved somewhat difficult. Yes, the schedule of events and necessary time commitments played a role. I also think I used it as a crutch, meaning I couldn't become involved because I needed to dedicate my time to CKI. Call it fear of rejection, call it penance, call it whatever you want - it wasn't healthy.

A year ago, that crutch was gone (although I received a snazzy new pair of metal ones in January). There was nothing holding me back; I had to put myself out there. And it's a good thing I did.

The Sunday I should have been been coming home the CKI spring trainer in the Dells, I instead found myself at my friend Judi's "Thanksgiving in April" gathering. Delish food, interesting and fun conversation...and the stealing of gray baseball caps. Well, Doug's gray baseball cap. I think this gathering was the first time I talked with Doug beyond the obligatory "Hey, what's up?" at karaoke. Apparently, he found me interesting and we talked quite a bit at the next karaoke gathering, which lead to the following message on fb, aptly titled (and still titled) "pokes": I had a hell of a lot of fun tonight. I always seem to have quite a bit of fun when you're around. You owe me drinks. That is my clever/coy way of saying we should hang out again sometime. This "might" be lame although I doubt I'm even possible of being lame, but we should go out sometime, just the two of us... I wanted to ask you in person tonight but I felt like I ran out of time. (yes, I had to search in message archives for it...)

So it began. Doug's not sick of me yet, or so he says. And he can even tolerate the fact that I am a (gasp!) Cubs fan.

Am I upset that I am no longer Admin? No. But I wish it didn't end under the circumstances it did nor the repercussions that followed. Do I like having my weekends free and the ability to to have a social life? This may be self-centered, but yes.

Most importantly, I'm happy. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

the day the music died, "gen X" style

Sixteen years ago today...8 April 1994.

The day we learned that the life of one of the most influential and iconic rockers ever came to an end. Kurt Cobain, best known as the lead singer & songwriter of Nirvana, was found dead at his home in Seattle.

Officially, Cobain's death was ruled a suicide by a self-inflicted shotgun wound on 5 April 1994 per the coroner's report. However, the cause of death remains a topic of fascination and debate. Conspiracy theorists claim Cobain was murdered (presumably by Courtney Love) but results are inconclusive.

Cobain changed the face of rock forever by introducing the world to his now famous sound (labeled "grunge" by the populous) to the music scene, inspiring bands like Alice In Chains and Soundgarden in the 1990s and Puddle of Mudd in the 2000s, to name a few. As a result, alternative rock catapulted to the mainstream and became a dominant genre on radio and MTV in the early 1990s - and effectively ending the reign of the new wave/electronica sound of the 1980s. Rolling Stone ordained Nirvana the "flagship band of Generation X" and anointed Cobain "spokesman." As a private person - almost the stereotypical, misunderstood artist if you will - Cobain was uncomfortable with the anointment and the attention that followed. Focus turned to Nirvana's music and artistic message, resulting in In Utero (1993). This ended up being the band's last "new" work.

I remember first hearing about Cobain's death and sincerely thought it was a joke (a sick joke, but a joke nonetheless). Then I did what anyone would do to verify music news in the 1990s - I turned on MTV. Kurt Loder then confirmed the news of this tragedy. I'm convinced he was on 24/7 covering this story. Fans and admirers alike flocked to memorial services (especially in his hometown of Aberdeen, WA) - much the same as they did with John Lennon's death in 1980. While the similarities between the two aren't readily apparent, both were major rock artists with the balls to openly and freely speak their mind on a variety of topics. That's something that only comes along once a generation.

The untimely death of Cobain had lasting effect on the world of music. The grunge movement embraced acceptance and individuality - artists were encouraged speak their mind and put their own original spin on it - dare I say "come as you are"? The year 1994 not only marks the loss of an artist barely at the brink of his potential, but a regression in the music industry (read: grunge is dead). The door was opened for "pop sensations" such as N*Sync, Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears. It is debatable if there is indeed talent there, or if this "talent" was generated through the miracle of drum machines, etc. Think of it as the 1980s new wave, part two. The days of individuality - gone.

Thankfully, the 2000s have brought about artists with a "real band" sound such as Billy Talent and Rise Against; not to mention the reunion of Soundgarden at Lollapalooza 2010. However, one does have to wonder how the alternative music scene would have evolved had Cobain lived.

Oh...nevermind....

information taken from Rolling Stone, MTV and Greg Prato

this is the year....

...but not judging from yesterday's game.

Granted, there are still 161 games left to be played and one game does not a season make. However, if yesterday's outing versus the Atlanta Braves is any indication, Cubs nation is in for a bumpy 2010 season.

Carlos "Big Z" Zambrano made his sixth straight Opening Day start Monday, a Cubs record. He also managed to have the worst Opening Day start leading to the worst Opening Day loss since 1884. In 1-1/3 innings, Big Z allowed eight runs on six hits, hit a batter, and mixed in a throwing error for good measure. In case you're wondering, that calculates to an ERA of 54.00. Unacceptable, yet not the worst outing of the day - Jeff Samardzija gave up six runs in 1/3 inning for a "stellar" ERA of 108.00. If this is how the Cubs opens the season, I shudder to think of what the rest of the pitching staff will serve up. Hopefully, the arrival Greg Maddux as assistant to the GM (among other roles) can assist the Cubs in their pitching predicament. Hmmm....maybe he'll come out of retirement...

However, there is a light at the end of the pitching tunnel. Sean Marshall pitched two scoreless innings in middle relief. Thank goodness someone could effectively throw the ball over the plate. Also, there is a semblance of an offense. Scoring five runs is promising and pretty damn good - provided Cubs pitching is effective on the flip side. Aramis Ramirez (read: Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra) knocked in a two-run homer while Marlon Byrd (read: replacement for the douchbag of an outfielder who sadly symblized the 2009 campaign) added a three-run homer.

Thus, despite a train wreck of an opener there is hope in Cubs nation. C'mon, we've been hoping for what is going on 102 years...and we won't be stopping now...