It was a year ago I was asked to resign as my role as CKI (Circle K) Administrator due to an incident I will not disclose here. That resignation came with mixed emotions.
I still feel I was not given a fair opportunity to explain my side of the story; and that the decision would have been the same regardless of what I said or did. I still feel that I let people down, even if it ultimately was not my decision. I miss the comradery shared amongst CKI'ers and my fellow administrators; a comradery that, aside for a handful of folks, has fallen completely by the wayside.
Truth be told, I was planning on resigning at the end of the 2009-2010 year on my terms. It definitely didn't happen that way. It's almost as if the door known as the five-year stint as Administrator/Ass't Administrator was abruptly slammed in my face; yet ironically there was no real closure.
However, when one door closes another door (or more) opens...
In hindsight, not being CKI Administrator allowed me to focus on areas of my life, areas that had been neglected due to time limitations. These areas included (but were not limited to):
friendships
creative endeavors
relationships
friendships
Being CKI Admin took up about 13 weekends per year (not to mention other events, phone calls, etc that would pop up now and then). I don't begrudge any time I spent with CKI, but it shot my weekend social life to hell. "I'm sorry. I have a Circle K event to go to" was a phrase I used rather frequently. It also made it difficult for me to meet non-Kiwanis family new people.
I've been lucky to meet a lot of new people in the past year, and being a people person, that makes me happy. I've also reconnected with "seasoned" friends, which is also a great feeling. However, I will focus on one circumstance; it just seems to fit for this time of year.
About the time my weekends again became my own, I started playing bar league volleyball again (after a two-year hiatus). The way this team was assembled was unique - I'll just call it the "Reid factor". Each team member knew Reid somehow; whether it be previous vball teams, chance meeting at Tracks or doing yoga headstands at a WH3 event. Whatever force bought this motley crew together, we became the new (and supposedly improved) "suns of beaches". However, it was clear we shared a like for alcoholic beverages and having fun. Fun is good; and it served as a welcome diversion to the whole CKI thing. These SoBs also served as support through my hand surgery and my move this summer; just mere months after meeting. This also led to playing on another team, Sand Pimps. (Yup - I'm a sun of beach and a sand pimp. My parents would be so proud!)
This was exactly what I needed - having fun times with a great group of people. A year later, we're still ballin' in the same bar leagues in Milwaukee and Reid makes "guest appearances" when his travels take him across the border. Comradery still exists...sometimes you just have to look for it.
creative endeavors
Some people would figure I'm creative every day, being a graphic designer at work and all. True, I am creative at work. It's why I like my job. Yet any creative energies (or energy in general) was consumed by CKI. I'm always happy and honored to lend my talents when needed, but it didn't allow me the freedom to explore.
That being said, the outcome of my work projects have been more creative and innovative. Instead of just thinking outside the box, I've come close to blowing it up. I've been doing some freelance work as well, some of which I'll actually be getting paid for! What a concept, eh? More importantly, I've revisited two creative areas that I haven't had time for in recent years: writing and photography.
Writing....well, you're reading the fruits of that labor now. I write for my own enjoyment and if someone else likes it as well, even better. Photography was an art I showed interest in during my high school days, but after a semester it was evident that me in a darkroom was a disaster in the making. My interest wasn't renewed until I went on a Baltic cruise in June 2006. Maybe it was the charm of Galma Stan in Stockholm or the intricacies of churches in Russia and Estonia but my interest was renewed. Yes, I am now a camera geek and have one with me 90% of the time. I have the photo blog to prove it.
Oh, and I keep saying I want to learn bass. No comment on that (lack of) progress.
relationships
Since my marriage ended in stellar fashion, I admittedly was a bit gunshy. While I did date during my time as Admin, it proved somewhat difficult. Yes, the schedule of events and necessary time commitments played a role. I also think I used it as a crutch, meaning I couldn't become involved because I needed to dedicate my time to CKI. Call it fear of rejection, call it penance, call it whatever you want - it wasn't healthy.
A year ago, that crutch was gone (although I received a snazzy new pair of metal ones in January). There was nothing holding me back; I had to put myself out there. And it's a good thing I did.
The Sunday I should have been been coming home the CKI spring trainer in the Dells, I instead found myself at my friend Judi's "Thanksgiving in April" gathering. Delish food, interesting and fun conversation...and the stealing of gray baseball caps. Well, Doug's gray baseball cap. I think this gathering was the first time I talked with Doug beyond the obligatory "Hey, what's up?" at karaoke. Apparently, he found me interesting and we talked quite a bit at the next karaoke gathering, which lead to the following message on fb, aptly titled (and still titled) "pokes": I had a hell of a lot of fun tonight. I always seem to have quite a bit of fun when you're around. You owe me drinks. That is my clever/coy way of saying we should hang out again sometime. This "might" be lame although I doubt I'm even possible of being lame, but we should go out sometime, just the two of us... I wanted to ask you in person tonight but I felt like I ran out of time. (yes, I had to search in message archives for it...)
So it began. Doug's not sick of me yet, or so he says. And he can even tolerate the fact that I am a (gasp!) Cubs fan.
Am I upset that I am no longer Admin? No. But I wish it didn't end under the circumstances it did nor the repercussions that followed. Do I like having my weekends free and the ability to to have a social life? This may be self-centered, but yes.
Most importantly, I'm happy. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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