not anti-mothers day, but...

This week has been tough...

Don't get me wrong, there are happy things. My brother and sister-in-law celebrated their tenth anniversary yesterday, and honestly, I'm surprised that someone is able to put up with him for that long. Dad turns 70 next week, and it's fun reminding him that he's moving onto a new decade (even if he really doesn't want to admit it). 

But this week has still been tough...

Mom passed away nearly nine months ago. She was 73, and lost her nearly two-year battle with pancreatic cancer. I made it through her birthday in September fairly easily; perhaps I was still a bit numb from all of it.   With Christmas (her favorite) there were moments, but overall, I honored her memory with a vodka gimlet (with olives) and reminiscing about holidays-past with friends and family. Easter, although never a big holiday in our family, made me think of her as all the daffodils were in bloom.

And then the ads and reminders of  Mother's Day popped up everywhere - work, CVS, even freakin' ESPN. While the initial pain isn't renewed by any means, the constant mention of the day certainly doesn't make it easy for me (or anyone) experiencing a first Mother's Day without Mom.

Sunday is Mothers Day. I will again have a vodka gimlet and buy a bouquet of daffodils in her memory. And yes, I probably will shed a tear or two.
Never miss a chance to tell your Mom you love her. I wish I could again.

hope springs eternal

Easter was never really a big holiday in my family, In fact, last year was the first time I was home for Easter since my senior year in high school. 

Easter is a a time for hope and renewal, which usually coincides with the physical onset of spring. 

Easter was also the last holiday I saw Mom happy and healthy. Last year, I (as well as my family) really did have reasons for hope and celebration of life. Hope in that her tests all came back negative and the cancer had not spread. Mom looked  - and more importantly - felt healthy and her attitude was positive as ever. She was happy and was still able to live life to the fullest (with a couple rest stops along the way). We celebrated her health and happiness. It was a time of renewal as we all thought she had turned a corner and was going to continue the good fight. While her spirit was strong enough to do so, her body had been ravaged by the fight. And you know the how the story ends.  I am extremely thankful I made the trip home last Easter, as I got to see Mom as Mom one last time. 

However, Mom has never left us. Her spirit lives on, and I especially feel it during spring. Mom loved flowers and the color yellow. Daffodils are among the first flowers to bloom, signalling the onset of spring. It takes me back to Easter as a kid - daffodils in bloom along the front walk, wearing a frilly dress I did not pick out, and hunting for Easter eggs. It was a simpler, carefree time.

On Saturday I was at the store and I noticed a bunch of daffodils in the floral department. I'm not one to buy myself flowers, but I was drawn to them. And really, there was no way I couldn't get them.

Those daffodils now sit in a mason jar on my coffee table. And while nothing can bring Mom back, I can always bring a little reminder of her spirit home.

five on a friday

This is an off-shoot of the "seven on a Sunday" project. I always thought the number seven to be overused, and "five on a Friday"just sounds better to me. Plus, it helps time drag a little less at work on a Friday.

I didn't choose a theme, unless you count "random" as a theme. In fact, that will likely be a common "theme" as I just take a photo as the mood strikes. And don't be surprised to see photos of the pooch either.

1 - north point lighthouse, milwaukee | 2 - historic water tower, st. mary's hill

3 - play ball, miller park | 4 - adorable kid, miller park

5 - daisy, simple cafe

on wisconsin

A true Marquette fan cannot cheer on the Badgers. Sorry. ~ an unnamed Marquette Alum

And so the "rivalry" begins...

There is a reason why it's "rivalry" and not rivalry. A true rivalry denotes a dislike on both sides (read: Ravens v. Steelers, Bears v. Packers). Seeing that the Badgers usually don't give a rat's ass about Marquette, it's hard to consider that a rivalry. It seems to be something that's been inflated in the minds of Marquette alum.

Yes, I am a Marquette alum. I cheered on the Badgers (over Oregon, Baylor and Arizona mind you). And I hope they serve up some Kentucky Wildcat for dinner on Saturday. 

Does that mean I am not a true Marquette fan? I say no, but it depends on who you ask.

Some background: I grew up on the east coast, raised by Midwesterners. As a kid, I cheered for the ACC because of Maryland, the Big East because of Georgetown and the Big 10 because of Minnesota. Today it's the Big East because of Marquette and Georgetown, and the Big 10 because of Maryland (that's just weird) and Minnesota. The ACC...meh. The PAC 10 was considered evil...and still is. Dad was hoping for a 75% Big 10 Final Four (thanks for screwing that up, state of Michigan). I know Mom would have cheered for Wisconsin (even with the whole Minnesota Paul Bunyan axe thing).

Bottom line, I never hated or even disliked Wisconsin. Maybe I've just kept quiet about it. Why? To save face with some of my fellow Marquette alum. Perhaps.

When Marquette plays Wisconsin in basketball, you're damn right I go for Marquette...I want those state bragging rights. However, I don't like anyone when they play Marquette.

But at this point, I don't care if I'm ostracized for cheering for the the Badgers. There, I said it.

I've lived in Wisconsin as long as I've lived in Maryland. I call both places home. Maybe that's why the Badgers have grown on me. Or maybe if Wisconsin wins, the majority of people around me are happy and life just seems better.

Or maybe there are more pressing things on which to expend my energy. Will they ever find the remains of Malaysian Airlines light 370? Is there a possibility for peace in the Ukraine? And more importantly, what am I having for lunch?

And I can tell you, Maryland and Georgetown don't have this one-sided rivalry; they peacefully co-exist along the Capitol Beltway. If it works in Maryland/DC, surely it can work in Wisconsin. 

Will I bleed Marquette blue and gold when it comes to college basketball? Absolutely. 

Does cheering on Wisconsin make me a bad Marquette fan? No. In fact, it makes me an open-minded one. And trust me, Marquette needs to be more open-minded (but that's a post for another time).

So I leave you with three words...
Fuck 'em Bucky!

words of remembrance

Christmas was always Mom's holiday. I'm not sure what the holidays in Maryland will hold this year; but I know there will be a void and heavy hearts for all of us. The key is to cherish the memories and the good times (whilst sipping some Bailey's on the rocks.)

Having said that, I finally feel ready to share the words of remembrance from August...

Well, first everyone had a role in the past two years. Dad took care of the logistics and took mom to her bi-weekly appointments. Chris took Mom to CT scans and translated the medical-ease for those less savvy such as Dad and myself.  And then there’s me, who took it upon herself to be comic relief by default.  So if I make a fool of myself up here, it’s par for the course.

Case in point…at Mom’s CT scan in April, the director of oncology at Johns Hopkins said “Kids, your mom is one tough cookie”  and I immediately responded “That’s because she’s German.” Laughter briefly ensues. Not that Germans are strong-willed or stubborn at all. But while Mom and I were never truly at odds, we sometimes had a difference in opinion on the ways in which to do things (again, not German related or the previously mentioned fact I take after my dad’s side of the family). The most recent example came last Sunday, when our difference in cleaning styles – or my lack thereof – came to light. I was helping to vacuum, and mom informed me when I missed a spot (more than once, mind you). Part of me was incredulous that this was happening, but mostly I was smiling because that was Mom. I just hope she is not looking at my apartment right now…

I started really bonding with Mom went I went away to Marquette for college (absence makes the heart grow fonder right?).  Maybe it was the weekly phone calls; maybe it was that I started to think of mom as more than a mom, but a friend. We talked about everything from relationships to sports. Actually, a lot about sports, mostly football and NCAA basketball. Of course, I couldn’t have the Vikings as my 2^nd team, so I chose the rival Bears – also Dad’s team. But the NCAA tourney was our bread and butter – Mom groomed me as a bracketologist from the tender age of ten. And every year, we’d discuss our picks in depth after the selection show. I think my bracket only beat hers five times, but under her tutelage, I’ve been quite fortuitous in other pools. Those weekly phone calls continued until three weeks ago – her very last phone call to me was to wish me a happy birthday. 

Our bond really grew stronger during our three trips together (Baltic cruise 2006, Greece 2008, Spain 2010). And it is true that you don’t really get to know someone until you travel with them, or if you prep for travel with them. I did mention differences right? Mom started packing two weeks before each trip; I packed the night before each trip. Mom could not stand that, yet I was the one who never forgot anything. Mom couldn’t sleep on the plane; I fell asleep in the States and woke up in Europe. Some of my fondest (and funniest) memories of Mom happened on these excursions. During the Baltic cruise, I introduced Mom to karaoke for the first time. After every performance, she retorted “I used to like that song”. We also enjoyed Baileys on the balcony (which Mom smuggled on the ship). In Greece, whilst admiring the beauty of the Aegean Sea, Mom accidently dropped her digital camera into it. In Costa del Sol, Mom and I shared cheese and wine on the balcony – which was probably the best conversation I ever had with Mom. In Madrid, whilst dining with a bullfight on the tele in the background, Mom loudly was cheering for the bull. Thankfully, the people in the restaurant did not speak English. 

All kidding aside, Mom and I shared a love of photography, history and travel…so these excursions were a perfect combination. Although our styles were definitely different.  Mom was determined to get the exact name of every building, historical site, ruin, etc.; I also did to an extent, but also took picture of random people, dogs, alleys, etc. to get a feel of the culture. Mom undeniably looked like a tourist from the States; I passed for British…in fact, there were times where folks in our tour group in Spain asked if we were really related at first.  Then they started talking to us and realized that yes, yes we are related…because of our smiles and positive outlook on life.

I thought about that observation…and soon realized that the first things people notice about me are my positive attitude and smile (and yes, Dad I know you paid for my smile) – traits I definitely inherited from Mom. While Mom was slightly more subdued than I, one could tell that she could find the good in most things and enjoy life to the fullest. There was always some fiber of her being that believed that she would overcome this hurdle – as I (and everyone else) were also hoping and praying for the very same outcome. Even the last time I saw Mom, when she smiled she could still light up a room. 

However, it was that positive attitude (and stubbornness, hmm…strength) that helped Mom defy the odds. Mom fought this disease with more grace, courage, determination and positivity anyone could have imagined; in the future, I can only hope to face any adversity the same as she did.

Mom, you will never be forgotten and will always be in my heart – and I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. I love you…

ten months later...geesh...

Wow...it's been a hell of a long time since I've written here. Nearly a ten month long time. Apparently life happens, as it would seem.

It seems pointless to provide an update from the last post. Did I follow through on them? Yes for some, but in ten months things change. Besides, there were really only two things I wanted in 2013: to find full-time employment and to have Mom continue to fight her battle with pancreatic cancer.

Well, one of two ain't bad. But to be honest, I'd rather be unemployed and  have Mom still with us on this earth.

lucky seven months in....

One would think that since I am currently among the ranks of the unemployed, I would be really good at blogging.  Alas, that is not the case as I  have realized that I'm a good month overdue for my "six months in" update.  I know all you adoring fans were on the edge of your seats waiting for it...ha ha.

So the anticipation in over. Here we go....

• successfully complete a 5k - my friend did not kill me. I completed my first 5k on 1 December in the "speedy" time of 37 minutes. not great, but I finished. next up: a 10k in April.
• continue to be physically active - when one does not have gainful employment (what is this thing called "work" y'all speak of?), one must find things to do. I decided to spend more time at the gym/doing yoga/running. it must be working...I dropped a jeans size.
  
• explore more in the culinary world - still cooking...or as I like to say "gourmet on a budget". really, that means a lot of inventive ways to make pasta and rice.
• continue the "no soda" quest - since losing my job on 4 January, I have become reacquainted with my old friend diet mountain dew. we have both enjoyed this reunion.
• increase social media knowledge/promote rjl creative -  I am still working on this...but did come up with a new name to better include the social media component: xpresso media - design & consulting.
  
• continue to engage in artistic endeavors - meh. I retitled my end tables, and that's about it. well, besides creating the xpresso media logo.
• get my bartending license - I should do this. hell, maybe it'll help me get a job.
• become involved in causes I believe in (namely Pancreatic cancer and APBT/AmStaff groups) -  if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. I'm still part of the problem.
• visit at least two of the remaining 11 states I haven't yet - make that 10 states...Louisiana baby!!! NYE in NOLA was freakin' awesome!
• organize my finances - hmmm, this would require a job. anyone wanna hire me? and I still cannont bring myself to eat ramen.
• figure out this whole "relationship" thing - or not. I should probably figure out employment first. but in the meantime, I'll just go with the flow...
• cherish the time with friends & family - life is short (something that came to realization about a year ago). make time for those you care about.  remember, it's not what you do it's who you're with.
• be thankful/grateful for the things I have, rather than lamenting about what I don't have -time to practice an "attitude of gratitude".  I've gotten better at this, not perfect, but better. baby steps.

words to live by...

i interrupt your christmas cheer...

The holidays are usually "a time for joy, a time for cheer" - but the recent events in Connecticut have put a somber curtain on the season and have many of us (further) questioning our own mortality.

A good friend and I have discussed this issue more often than I wish to admit, largely because both of our mothers are battling the same disease.  While it's a comfort to know that someone is going through the same wave of emotions, at the same time you wish this wasn't one of the bonds you were sharing. Then last night, his 31-year cousin unexpectedly passed away leaving behind two young children.

Death - even if it is inevitable - is sad and difficult. Period. Perhaps more so when it's unexpected. My friend and I discussed that notion last night. To reminiscence, I was very saddened by the passing of my granddad and both my grandmothers. However, I had mentally/emotionally come to terms with my grandmothers as their health was failing for quite some time. With my granddad, it was a shock - and while he was no more or less important - it weighed heavier on my heart because it hit like a ton of bricks.  But regardless of how many brushes with death one may have had, it still isn't easy.

I know both of us are ready (or as ready as one can be) for the passing of our mothers. However, no matter how prepared I may be, it still will be difficult as one of the most important people in my life will no longer be of this earth - but I know a part of her will always remain with me.

So this Christmas season, remember the good times and make new memories. Cherish times with family and friends.

You may now return to your Christmas cheer....and I'll join you.

alfie, the christmas tree

the holiday season is the one time of year I turn into a pseudo-sap and can get somewhat emotional. Christmas was - and still is - my favorite holiday. and while this Christmas may be bittersweet for obvious reasons, I'm fortunate enough to have Christmas memories and traditions to last my lifetime.

one of these traditions is the almost constant playing of John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together CD. I'm really not sure how it came about, but to me Christmas isn't complete without it.  my favorite song on the CD has always been Alfie, The Christmas Tree (and much to the chagrin of everyone, I can still recite the whole song). 

to me, it simply yet eloquently states the "reason for the season"....




Did you ever hear the story of the Christmas Tree
who just didn't want to change the show?
He liked living in the woods and playing with squirrels, he liked icicles and snow.

He liked wolves and eagles and grizzly bears
and critters and creatures that crawled.
Why bugs were some of his very best friends, spiders and ants and all.

Now that's not to say that he ever looked down on the vision of twinkling lights,
or on mirrored bubbles and peppermint canes and a thousand other delights.
And he often had dreams of tiny reindeer
and a jolly old man and a sleigh full of toys and presents and wonderful things,
and the story of Christmas Day.

Oh, Alfie believed in Christmas all right, he was full of Christmas cheer.
All of each and every day and all throughout the year.
To him it was more than a special time much more than a special day,
It was more than a beautiful story. it was a special kind of way.

You see, some folks have never heard a jingle bell ring,
And they've never heard of Santa Claus.
They've never heard the story of the Son of God. And that made Alfie pause.

Did that mean that they'd never know of peace on earth
or the brotherhood of man?
Or know how to love, or know how to give? If they can't, no one can.

You see, life is a very special kind of thing, not just for a chosen few.
But for each and every living breathing thing. Not just me and you.

So in your Christmas prayers this year, Alfie asked me if I'd ask you
to say a prayer for the wind, and the water, and the wood
and those who live there, too.

three months in...

It's hard to believe that three months of "my" year have already gone by.  and here's the progress (or lack thereof)....

• successfully complete a 5k - I will do this...and I officially start training today. hopefully my friend won't kill me - not because of the workout itself, because I'll probably complain. a lot.
• continue to be physically active - I was doing so well with this, until I decided to fracture my foot on 11 September.  kinda puts a damper on that whole running, boot camp, volleyball thing.  although I've been vigilant about doing my weights in the morning and I've become re-acquainted with my physical therapist, and will be cleared for higher-impact stuff (i.e. running) on tuesday.
  
• explore more in the culinary world - having to stay off my foot makes it difficult to cook. which sucks. hopefully I'll improve on this in a few weeks.
• continue the "no soda" quest - I've done good!  almost five months, with only a couple slips here and there. and Rockstar energy drink is not a soda - it has vitamins.
• increase social media knowledge/promote rjl creative -  I decided to combine these two this year.  I may even slightly change the direction (and potentially the name) of rjl creative to more of an SoLoMo focus, while keeping the design aspect secondary.  I love design, but the future is SoLoMo - and sadly, pretty isn't as important in that arena (but dammit, my stuff will be pretty AND functional!)
  
• continue to engage in artistic endeavors - meh. I've done a couple freelance logos and that's about it. however, I do have some ideas for that "east side special" coffee table.
• get my bartending license - I just always wanted to do this, for no particular reason...but no, I don't have it yet.
• become involved in causes I believe in (namely Pancreatic cancer and APBT/AmStaff groups) -  if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. right now I'm part of the problem.
• visit at least two of the remaining 11 states I haven't yet - in a nutshell, I'm either going west or south. but I did see a Bears game at Solider Field. no, not a new state...but I'd never been there before (and da Bears won too)
• organize my finances - this IS hard (and I'm sure the doctor and PT bills will help immensely). I should resort to gourmet ramen noodle cooking, if I could bring myself to eat ramen.
• figure out this whole "relationship" thing - there's this guy who's after you like a fat kid on cake and you want to smack him upside the head. ugh. I'm attempting online dating again - may the experience be better the second time. but there are a few possibilities in the non-cyber realm...perhaps one will work out. or not.
• cherish the time with friends & family - life is short (something that came to realization about a year ago). make time for those you care about.  remember, it's not what you do it's who you're with.
• be thankful/grateful for the things I have, rather than lamenting about what I don't have -time to practice an "attitude of gratitude".  I've gotten better at this, not perfect, but better. baby steps.

foot fracture...could be worse...

das boot with das bier

For anyone who knows me, it shouldn't come as a shock that I tend to injure myself now and then...ok, that might be an understatement. And in fine fashion, I decided it would be a good idea to fracture my foot whilst running earlier this month. (note to self: re-evaluate the run a 5K goal)

I'm no stranger to visiting the orthopedic section at any medical facility.  Having knee issues since I was in my early teens,  I've become well-versed (for a non-medical professional) in physical therapy, x-rays, MRIs and orthopedic devices.  In my life I've managed to accumulate a variety of assistive walking devices and immobilizers, as well knee and ankle braces - now add "das boot" (aka walking cast) to collection.

As with anything, I try to put a positive and humorous spin on it. Case in point: last Friday I had an appointment with same doctor that did my knee surgery almost three years ago, basically to confirm the inevitable diagnosis of a fracture. Apparently the doctor and the physician's assistant remembered me, so I told them I missed them and wanted to visit. It also helps that said physician's assistant is hot (and how did I not notice this during treatment for my knee?)

fun with friends

Sometimes my "determination" will overtake my otherwise positive outlook. While with friends, I can joke about the fact my foot looks like that of a Stormtrooper or Moon Man. Or that if someone annoys us, I'll give them das boot in das ass. But once I try to get up and do something, such as get a chair to prop up my foot or go buy by own beer, no one lets me get up.  They insist on doing it for me.  While I greatly appreciate the gesture as I know they do it because they care, but I'm of the mindset I can do still do things myself.  Oh, and I might be a bit stubborn.

This not being able to do things is frustrating beyond belief.  I like playing volleyball and my "running" club, and I miss the daily 2.5 mile walk with the pup. And being a beerleader at vball can only do so much.. It is incredibly hard to sit and "do nothing", especially when it's not in my nature. Yes, I know it's for my own good and that's required for healing, but dammit, it's hard!  (another note to self: use this "down" time to work on creative pursuits)

It's enough to drive me bat-shit crazy - and thankfully I have friends who will accommodate plans to work around my gimpiness.  And it could be worse...

As frustrating (in my mind) as a fractured foot is, in 2-3 months I'll be good as new and back to my active self (and hopefully not finding a new way to injure myself). But the ordeal - no matter how minor or insignificant - will be over.   

And I know I'm lucky health wise (some would argue, but injury-prone is different than health issues) amongst people I know. I don't have chronic allergies or asthma. I only take one medication daily, and that's by choice. I don't have any heart ailments or abnormalities. I don't have cancer.

mom & i at plaza de espana

Then I think of Mom - and all the chemo, radiation, procedures and medication she has gone through in the past 13 months for treatment of pancreatic cancer. If she can courageously put her body, mind and spirit through all that AND still maintain a level of optimism, surely I can walk around in das boot for a couple more weeks with minimal bitching. 

And then when I'm out das boot, maybe we can use it to kick cancer's ass.

what is scarier than change?

"celebrating" one year...

mom & i in greece, 2008

It was a year and 11 days ago Sunday (19 August) that Mom found out her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.  I found out a day later.  I don't think any of us knew what to expect, and to some degree, we still don't.

I went home for a week in mid-August to spend time with family which was much needed. I was mentally and emotionally prepared to see Mom without her wig, and it only freaked me out because she looked exactly like her mother (genetics, I tell ya). However, with the wig, you'd never know anything was wrong with her.  Fortunately, the chemo does not hinder her from doing daily activities or excursions (such as an Orioles game until 1 am) - but she does tire easily.  Again,if this is one of the only side effects, it's a win in my book.

I also had the opportunity to take her to her chemo appointment at Johns Hopkins during my visit. It was something I knew I had to do, and something I wanted to do - even with my dislike of hospitals (probably because I've been in too many of them). The appointment takes a full day; I really thought Dad was kidding about that.  However, after meeting Shawna (Mom's nurse) and other staff, I'm assured that she is in excellent hands.  Since I had plenty of time to sit and wait, I realized how well-off Mom is compared to other patients. Mom went up to register herself, didn't have a walker and doesn't have to wear a surgical mask (the germ factor). I was also shocked to see how young (and worse-off than Mom) some of the patients where - I'm sure about 33% where younger than me.  I came away appreciating my own health and in the grand scheme, allergies and crappy knees really aren't that big of a deal.

This has also been a learning experience.  I - along with my family - have researched pancreatic cancer extensively.  I won't talk about the statistics, as they are not uplifting by any means. Sadly, I've had three friends lose a parent to this disease; and Mom has survived longer than any of them.  The only good thing (if any) about that is that I have support from friends who know EXACTLY what is going on. But knowing is half the battle (thank you GI Joe) - the other is imparting that knowledge. I educate anyone who will listen - whether they want to hear about it or not.  The more who know, the more we can continue the fight.

Finally, this journey has made me fully aware of the power of the human psyche.  Attitude and the mind from which it springs is the biggest, baddest, and best weapon we have against this bitch of a disease. It's all about perspective - being angry or upset isn't going to help anyone at this point. Hope and strength will.

I have always said (and likely always will say) that I can only hope to handle whatever life throws at me with half the grace, courage and positivity Mom has exhibited in the past year. She truly is an inspiration to us all. 

for more information or to donate, check out the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network

orioles baseball, i missed you

I remember going to my first baseball game with my granddad, dad and brother when I was a couple months shy of seven years old. (note: I had the choice of the baseball game or my aunt's bridal shower.  Years later, given the same choice, I'd still pick the game). 

And that's how I got hooked on baseball.

Back then, my beloved Orioles played at Memorial Stadium - a great park but in a shitty area of "Balmer". Getting there was always an experience (I liken it to N. 27th St. & W. Fond du Lac in Milwaukee). We'd always go to at least couple games a year, and since my grandparents lived across the street from the play-by-play announcer, we'd always get some swag. In fact, I still have my stuffed Oriole bird. 

The Orioles moved to Oriole Park at Camden Yards (aka "Birdland") in 1991, and since I've lived out of state most of that time, I haven't been there often. Earlier this month, I finally got to return Camden Yards after a ten-year hiatus and finally saw a game...after a three-hour rain delay.

What else do you do at a ballpark waiting for the rain to subside? Talk Oriole baseball, and those memories came flooding back (pun intended).  Rick Dempsey using the tarp as a slip-n-slide during rain delays.  Earl "of Baltimore" Weaver throwing second base whilst in a argument with the umpire. Celebrity crushing on Jim Palmer (even to this day). Chants of "Eddie! Eddie!" whenever Eddie Murray came to bat. Anything involving Cal Ripken, Jr.

By coincidence, it was a "Legends" night. Eddie Murray's statue was unveiled at the ballpark, and each aforementioned Oriole was in attendance.  And for the first time in over a decade, chants of "Eddie! Eddie!" rang through Camden Yards.

And even if for a few moments, I was a kid at the ballpark in awe of America's pastime.