being benny

"You mustn't mess me about. I know I may look like a rhinoceros, but I've got quite a thin skin really." ~ Benny, Circle of Friends

I know. It’s a quote from a chick flick. I generally don’t like chick flicks.

Admittedly, the main reason I saw this movie in 1995 was the lead actor. This was during my Chris O’Donnell phase and I saw pretty much anything he did during this period.

The premise of the movie, based on the novel by Maeve Binchy (note: I am not a fan of her other works), centers around Bernadette “Benny” Hogan (Minnie Driver) and her childhood friend Eve as they enter University College in Dublin and deal with the usual issues of college life. The main story line focuses Benny - a funny but insecure, overweight, plain-looking young woman - and her relationship with Jack Foley (O’Donnell), the star of the university’s rugby team. Benny quickly falls for Jack (and seeing my then infactuation with O’Donnell who could blame her?) But to the surprise of Benny (along with everyone else), Jack fancies her as well. This turn of events prompts Benny to ask “He could have anyone at all. Why would he look at me?”

The plot then follows their courtship as both learn lessons about friendship, betrayal, life and love. No, there is nothing unique or startling about this plot. And no, I won’t give away the ending on the off-chance you haven’t seen it but plan to see it.

But fifteen years later, Circle of Friends remains an exception to my usual movie tastes largely because I relate to Benny.

I still maintain that I was not a cute or attractive child or teenager. One might even say I was overweight and plain-looking (in part to attending a school like BHS 90210, east coast style), yet crushing on a football palyer who didn’t know I existed. Thus, figuring I wouldn’t get by on my looks, I fell back on my sense of humor and personality. Some will say I’m not overweight or plain-looking, but whatever. Truth be told, I’m in shock if someone actually thinks I’m attractive as I still see myself as that chunky, frizzy-haired, coke-bottle glasses wearing but funny kid. I know…insecure much? And really, why on earth would you look at or fancy that kid?

That being said, my personality and sense of humor have served me well for the most part. However, there is a down side. That same personality gives off the vibe that things don’t get to me and, to a lesser degree, I don’t really need positive reinforcement. As for the latter, I think everyone needs some kind of positive reinforcement but it’s not something everyone is willing to give. The former is is different story. Despite my happy-go-lucky exterior, things do get to me - perhaps more often than they should. My usual public response is to crack a joke (usually self-effacing) or laugh it off.

And for most part, no one is the wiser. But despite a tough exterior, some of that thin skin has likely been torn…