seven years & change

It was seven years ago today that my family and friends gathered at SS Peter & Paul on Milwaukee's east side to celebrate my marriage.

Funny how things have changed since.

While I know I was not wholly responsible (some would argue not at all) for the demise of my marriage, any relationship is a partnership - meaning that BOTH parties must be willing to make it work. I was willing, even if it was trying to fix something that likely could not be repaired. Yet that's my nature - I am not a quitter. Perhaps that's why this is one of my favorite quotes:

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If i quit, however, it lasts forever. (Lance Armstrong)

Yes, in my mind, quitting is a forever thing. Maybe it's partially because I'm stubborn, but I feel that if you make a commitment, hell or high water you should stay with it. And in all honesty, it took a while for me to realize that I wasn't "quitting" - largely due in part to my friends and family backing me in my thoughts/decisions. Sometimes things weren't meant to be for whatever reason.

However, in these past seven years....

I've learned to trust my gut even more than before. In fact, it was my gut instinct that got me "investigating" issues in said marriage. Sure, sometimes I will make a decision with little logical reasoning, but in the end it's worked out for the better.

I learned to live alone. It sounds funny coming from someone who's lived on her own since graduating college, but prior to May 2007, I had only lived alone (read: no family members or roommates) for six months of my life. Now I've done it for 2.5 years. I always felt I was independent; now I know I am.

I learned I could make a hobby into a career. Graphic design has always been a hobby of mine, and in 2006, I decided to switch careers. While the ex-hole was hardly supportive (that's a whole other story in and of itself), the dual income made it possible for me to actually take the plunge and take an entry-level job in marketing. Additionally, I also had the balls to do it. As a result, I really like what I do. While the politics of work sometimes pisses me off, overall I'm in a good place professionally.

I learned who my true friends are. It's always a life-altering situation that makes you realize this. Some dropped off the face of the earth for some unbeknownst reason. Maybe they didn't care or didn't know how to deal with the situation. The true friends are the people who listen to your midnight phone calls, help you plot revenge (even if it's never carried out), make sure you're busy on certain days of the year, never play the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" in your presence (sadly, it's a good song but I can't stand it), give you a stuffed donkey, take you out for drinks to celebrate becoming a "Loss" again, etc.

I learned I have to be myself. Basically, like me for me. I haven't been one to put on airs. I'm capable of being domestic; I choose not to be for the most part. I like sports - and I'm a Chicago sports fan living in Milwaukee. I have an off-color, sarcastic sense of humor. I'm opinionated, but I choose what battles/issues to fight. I fall asleep during movies, even those I like. I'm pretty fun...or so I think. But in the end, I learned that I'm just a really big dork. And I'm ok with that.

Yes, it's been a roller coaster of a seven years - some of which I wouldn't wish on anybody. But as the saying goes: what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (to paraphrase Friedrich Nietzsche). Well, I'm not dead and I'm indeed stronger - physically, mentally and emotionally - than I even have been in my life.

cki disconnect: pop culture style

If you read this blog, you know I'm no longer CKI Administrator. And I'm finally ok with that. Regardless of circumstance, I would not be serving in that capacity today.

But for fun, let's take a look at why I would not fit in as the current CKI Administrator, pop culture style:

Glee obsession.

I fail to see why people are obsessed with this show. The concept : geeks join together and forge a bond and thus create their own clique. Wow...this is a novel concept...let's run with it! Not. It can be found in any sitcom or drama about and/or relating to high school students. Plus, for me high school was not a fun and joyous time nor the best years of my life. Why the hell would I want to live them vicariously through a TV show? Add to it that I'm not a fan of musicals in general - sans Rocky Horror Picture Show and a couple others.

Which begs the questions:

why would anyone attempt to destroy a wonderful cult classic?

what high school would actually allow the theatre department to perform RHPS?

Harry Potter fanatics.

You can tell me the books are well written. You can also tell me green beans are good for me. But if I have no interest in it or don't like them, it's just not happening. Period. I enjoy some sci-fi...Star Wars anyone? I can even go for the Matrix. When it crosses the line into fantasy, you've lost me. I have no interest at all. And with a HP themed fall trainer, everyone's fantasy would have been my hell.

However, I will give Harry Potter props for one thing: getting kids & teens to read. Beyond that, Harry should just graduate or (gasp) die. I am sick of you.

Disney.

I went to Disney World twice - at age 7 and 17. In my second trip, I called Dale of Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers Chip. Dale then proceeded to whap me on the nose. I was assaulted by a giant chipmunk. I really wasn't a huge Disney fan growing up, but this event certainly didn't help.

But these CKIers love Disney - about as much as Glee and Harry Potter. And it's not just the movies; it's the music too.

Now, I will admit I like two recent Disney movies: The Lion King and The Three Musketeers. The only explanation I can give for the former is that I'm a Leo and Jeremy Irons is the voice of Scar. I love Jeremy Iron's voice. The latter is actually one of my favorite literary classics. Plus, it's not a musical. And Oliver Platt is freakin' hysterical as Porthos.

Music.

There's a lot of pop music to be listened to. While I know who Justin Beiber is, I have no idea what he actually sings. And as a whole, I think most of the American Idol finalists sucked, and most pop music as crap. There is also a lot of 80s music to be listened to. As a point of reference, the average college student is 18-22 years old, thus being born 1988-1992. These college kids weren't even around to remember the 80s, let alone the music. It's almost frightening that they know all the words to Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl" yet barely any words to Guns 'n Roses "Welcome to the Jungle".

While I do listen to the 80s on occasion (read: when my iPod plays it) and admittedly still know the words to far to many "one hit wonders" - my preferred decades are the 1990s through today, alternative genre. I've always been an alternative music girl, so I'll chalk up the difference in music tastes to that.

And in closing, I leave you with a telltale example of the CKI pop culture disconnect:

On one board CD, a number of folks chose a song from the 1980s or an American Idol contestant. I chose Rage Against the Machine's "Renegades of Funk".

Enough said.

being thankful

A few of my friends have taken on the experiment of writing "30 Days of Being Thankful". Seeing that Thanksgiving is in a few days, I figured I could pseudo bandwagon jump and reflect upon what I'm thankful for (in no particular order)...

my immediate family.

They may be weird. They may be quirky. They put the "fun" in dysfunctional. But in the end, I love them all and wouldn't have it any other way. Individually:

Thanks to Mom & Dad for raising me and allowing me to think for myself and formulate my own opinions & views (even if they are different from theirs).

Thanks to Dad for bestowing me with the computer gene and for my (albeit sometimes off-color) sense of humor, which includes the ability to laugh at myself.

Thanks to Mom for supporting me in my creative endeavors and being a damn good sounding board when needed.

Thanks to Chris (my brother) for being the organized, goal-driven child so I could be me. And providing grandchildren. Seriously, thanks for doing the said "dirty work" as of late.

Thanks to Kelly for putting up with Chris (as well as the rest of the family). I don't know how you do it.

Thanks for Gavin and Liam for being the most freakin' adorable nephews ever. Whatever you choose to do, you'll take the world by storm.

my friends.

I really don't know what I'd do without them. Through good times and bad times, we've shared laughter and tears. We've leaned on each other (in both alcohol and non-alcohol induced states), received/given advice (solicited or otherwise), plotted revenge (legally), dealt with putzes and schmucks, roadtripped far and wide, tripped the Milwaukee club fantastic, visited watering holes, attempted - and then successfully played volleyball...and the list goes on. Sometimes thank you just doesn't seem like it's enough.

my health.

I realize that this sounds strange coming from someone who single-handedly has funded the college education of children of orthopedic surgeons and physical therapists for years. But outside the sports injuries, I am in good health (premier status if you ask my life insurance company), heal quickly from injuries/illness and completely missed the allergy gene that has plagued my immediate family. Plus, any aliments/oddities I may have can be fixed without any major repercussions. However, I should probably consider buying stock in ibuprofen.

my education.

Sure, I bitch about Marquette - even more so as of late. However, my theory-based MU education has allowed me to apply what I've learned to anything else I decide to do. Case in point - a BA in Sociology/Social Welfare usually does not lead to Marketing & Graphics. Surprisingly, that liberal arts knowledge can - and has been - applied in my current field. I don't agree with their views on numerous issues, but what I took away from my four years there are invaluable.

my like of technology.

I'm not one to be afraid of new gadgets, or press buttons on things. Let's face it, you really need technology to survive in our world today. The advent of cell phones and social media has allowed me to keep in better touch with my friends and immediate family. And since I jumped in on the beginning of the social media craze, it's helped me be a major asset at my company. Unfortunately, my like of the stuff also means I am my mom's personal tech support.

my involvement with the k-family.

Minus the last year, the Kiwanis family played a major role in my college and young adult days. It afforded me to meet folks from all across Wisco and the UP, as well as across the country. Some of those folks still remain good friends. It also offered service and leadership opportunities - in fact, Marquette CKI was the first elected leadership position I ever held. Honestly, I probably am the person I am today in part due to my k-family experiences. And after a hiatus, it feels good to be back.

So this Thanksgiving as you gather with family/friends whilst stuffing your face with all the traditional cuisine and watching football (go Lions and whoever's playing the Cowboys), take a moment to give thanks.

it's only money...but still...

As a collective, my parents treated myself and my brother equally. However, since my brother now has a family, this "equality" has changed....in the cash flow department.

Now, I realize for the remainder of this blog I likely will come across as a self-centered little bitch. And that's ok - everyone should be allowed to do it once in a while.

I guess it somewhat started prior to the birth of my adorable nephews. My brother went to vet school and loans only covered so much. Thus, my parents covered the balance of the tuition/room/board - which I'll estimate at $50,000. I'd like to point out that when I took graduate classes, the only person paying for it was me. Sure, I realize my brother has college loans to pay; but he also makes a six-figure salary. It's not about payback, really. However, I figured part of said "payback" were the trips to Europe (Baltic States, Greece and Spain) with my mom over the past few years. For ease of calculation, let's say the trips are $5000 each ($15,000) total. So now there's a $25,000 tip in the scales.

With the addition of the nephews, those scales are tipping further. I don't even want to know what my mom spends on birthday and Christmas gifts. Now, children should NEVER be screwed out of gifts on these occassions (which is why I buy Christmas gift for the kids and the kids buy my gift). Yet I'm willing to bet that the collective costs of the gifts are worth at least one round-trip plane ticket from MKE to any area DC airport, possibly two trips. At Christmas , if you combine the actual cost of the ticket and dog-sitting for Caye, that cost is about $350. Who pays for my ticket and dogsitter? Me.

And yes, there's more. My mom does babysit for the nephews (and sometimes the dog) from time to time. In October, she dogsat for 10 days. The running rate for a pro to do it $200 minimum (and that was the cost of my plane ticket for this trip, I might add). So if you add up the pro bono babysitting, I'm sure that cost probably equals the cost of another plane ticket, maybe two.

Don't get me wrong, I realize that having kids is expensive. I also know the reality: my brother alone makes at least twice as much as I do.

I really don't ask for much. Maybe a MacBook and/or flat screen TV (retail for what I want: $1500). That, or payment for my varicose vein procedure next year (at a nice $3000 - the amount that insurance won't cover). Even if you throw that on the tipping scale, it's still at about $20,000.

If you're looking at the "equality" angle, I shouldn't have to pay for any of my trips home. Period.

citizens actually decide election outcomes

I swear I know some crazy, whacked-out conservatives (thank you Marquette University for introducing me to these folks...please note the sarcasm.)

This status message greeted me on my facebook newsfeed last night (although I didn't wholly get my thoughts together until now): (insert God-fearing conservative here) would like you to support Scott Walker, Rebecca Kleefisch and Ron Johnson when you vote but knows that ultimately God elects government leaders. This is why we try not to speak ill of our elected leaders even if we don't agree with their decisions, especially in front of our children. To God be the glory.

OK, I really don't have a problem with someone promoting/advertising for whom to cast your ballot, even if there is no fucking way I am voting for those candidates. I would like everyone to support Tom Barrett, Tom Nelson and Russ Feingold. Those are my political views and whom I feel ultimately are the best choices for Wisconsin. And yes, on some level, I think everyone should vote for the candidates I do. Sadly I likely will be in the minority thus will be drowning my sorrows with - ironically - red wine. Point being, in the USA we are able to vote - mostly without being ostracized or brutalized - for the our candidates of choosing.

My issue is the statement that "ultimately God elects government leaders". Correct me if I'm wrong, I still wholeheartedly believe that the citizens going to the polls and actually casting ballots will elect the next government leaders. Believing this statement would mean this election is already over whether or not one votes...so why bother? It also implies that we have no free will in the voting process. Isn't voting a symbol of freedom and living in the free world? I thought so. We, as citizens, are ultimately responsible for the outcome of these elections and the choices we make in general. Period. Anything otherwise would be preposterous.

I know I have supporters with my views and opinions on this. However, I did not expect one to respond to the comment (and I have no idea who this person is, but I kind of like them): I will teach my children that we're ultimately responsible for the choices we make, and the people we elect. Not to pass the buck to "God" when things go badly. But thanks for the advice.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. There people who are intelligent and hold themselves accountable out there.

(Note: There was a counter-response to the effect we rely on God for everything and not our government; and he's passing on a burden to his children. Somehow, I fail to see how teaching your child to hold him/herself accountable for actions/choices as passing a burden or a bad idea. Teaching children to rely on something/someone other than themselves seems to be a much worse idea.)

As for the second half of the statement, it is probably good practice not to speak ill of people in front of children in general - elected official or not. However, there are no children reading this so here it goes. I thought "W" was a moron and royally fucked this country for eight years. There is no way Obama could clean up his mess in 1.5 years, let alone four. But whether or not I personally voted for "W" or agreed with his policies (which I didn't), he was still the president of the USA and thus commands some (albeit a tiny, tiny iota) of respect. However, this does not mean I will stop badmouthing "W" or the projected Wisconsin governor anytime soon.

Bottom line: It is your privilege to vote as we live in a free country. Exercise that privilege. Make your voice heard. And when you do, vote Democrat. OK, really...go vote for whom you feel is the best candidate.

three month check-up

Well, it's been three months since my birthday and thus, time to revisit my progress on my birthday wishes 2010. See kids, this is what happens when you publicize things...it holds you accountable.

So without further adieu, here is the update:

• promote/develop my freelance design "business" (using that term loosely) - I completely revamped Jeanette Hurt's website and the WIUM KDF website, as well as created a logo for a cancer awareness fundraiser (note the shameless plugs). Still a work in progress, but getting closer.
• a MacBook - I look at the website frequently, but really can't afford to drop the $999. If anyone would like to purchase one for me, it would be much appreciated.
• take more photographs (those of the artsy, landscape variety) - I pretty much have my camera with me almost all the time, so I actually have been doing it. Whether it good photography, that's questionable but you can judge for yourself here.
• learn to play bass - I don't think I've even been close to a bass in the past three months.
• catch up with friends I haven't seen much in the past year - Thanks to the modern miracles of e-mail and facebook, this is being accomplished. Plus, I've actually seen said friends in persons at least once.
• keep in touch with friends I actually see - I've been good at this one.
• visit friends in faraway places - specifically those in Florida, Arizona and Connecticut - who I keep promising I'll visit - The ball is rolling to visit Arizona - just need to confirm that the date works for all parties involved. No headway on Florida or Connecticut, but I may be going to Philly for the Cubs/Phils series in June (note: I have friends in Philly & South Jersey).
• teleportation to see said friends and my nephews more often - I did see the nephews in October, but it was via good, old-fashioned airplane. I may lack the scientific know-how for this teleportation thing.
• travel internationally without my mom - Not yet.
• the adapter thingie that allows you to use your iPod in the car - Thanks to a great bf, I got one for my birthday!
• a Wii Fit - I'm thinking I'd rather have an LCD TV.
• lose that last 20 lbs - Since I don't own a scale, I probably will never know. But I've been told it looks like I lost weight. Maybe if I start doing that boot camp regularly that nearly killed me on Saturday morning...
• manage my finances more effectively - I haven't touched my growth savings account since July. For me, this is major progress.
• actually watch some shows I've DVRed - Ha ha ha...I had to delete some to make room for shows I may or may not get around to watching.
• become more involved with the K-Family again - Despite the bball incident, I turned in my membership form today.
• world peace (sorry I had to) - I doubt it will happen in my lifetime.
• instead of complaining about something, do something to change it - Ok, I still complain...but then I work on changing it.
• give up diet Dew - Admittedly, I only had this one in my mind as I thought it would be near impossible. However, I have not had one since 17 August. Yay me!

So there you have it...your long-awaited update. If you check back in three months, I may even have a six month update.