seven years & change

It was seven years ago today that my family and friends gathered at SS Peter & Paul on Milwaukee's east side to celebrate my marriage.

Funny how things have changed since.

While I know I was not wholly responsible (some would argue not at all) for the demise of my marriage, any relationship is a partnership - meaning that BOTH parties must be willing to make it work. I was willing, even if it was trying to fix something that likely could not be repaired. Yet that's my nature - I am not a quitter. Perhaps that's why this is one of my favorite quotes:

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If i quit, however, it lasts forever. (Lance Armstrong)

Yes, in my mind, quitting is a forever thing. Maybe it's partially because I'm stubborn, but I feel that if you make a commitment, hell or high water you should stay with it. And in all honesty, it took a while for me to realize that I wasn't "quitting" - largely due in part to my friends and family backing me in my thoughts/decisions. Sometimes things weren't meant to be for whatever reason.

However, in these past seven years....

I've learned to trust my gut even more than before. In fact, it was my gut instinct that got me "investigating" issues in said marriage. Sure, sometimes I will make a decision with little logical reasoning, but in the end it's worked out for the better.

I learned to live alone. It sounds funny coming from someone who's lived on her own since graduating college, but prior to May 2007, I had only lived alone (read: no family members or roommates) for six months of my life. Now I've done it for 2.5 years. I always felt I was independent; now I know I am.

I learned I could make a hobby into a career. Graphic design has always been a hobby of mine, and in 2006, I decided to switch careers. While the ex-hole was hardly supportive (that's a whole other story in and of itself), the dual income made it possible for me to actually take the plunge and take an entry-level job in marketing. Additionally, I also had the balls to do it. As a result, I really like what I do. While the politics of work sometimes pisses me off, overall I'm in a good place professionally.

I learned who my true friends are. It's always a life-altering situation that makes you realize this. Some dropped off the face of the earth for some unbeknownst reason. Maybe they didn't care or didn't know how to deal with the situation. The true friends are the people who listen to your midnight phone calls, help you plot revenge (even if it's never carried out), make sure you're busy on certain days of the year, never play the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" in your presence (sadly, it's a good song but I can't stand it), give you a stuffed donkey, take you out for drinks to celebrate becoming a "Loss" again, etc.

I learned I have to be myself. Basically, like me for me. I haven't been one to put on airs. I'm capable of being domestic; I choose not to be for the most part. I like sports - and I'm a Chicago sports fan living in Milwaukee. I have an off-color, sarcastic sense of humor. I'm opinionated, but I choose what battles/issues to fight. I fall asleep during movies, even those I like. I'm pretty fun...or so I think. But in the end, I learned that I'm just a really big dork. And I'm ok with that.

Yes, it's been a roller coaster of a seven years - some of which I wouldn't wish on anybody. But as the saying goes: what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (to paraphrase Friedrich Nietzsche). Well, I'm not dead and I'm indeed stronger - physically, mentally and emotionally - than I even have been in my life.