six months in...

I always thought it was cool that my 1/2 birthday fell on Groundhog Day.  This year, Punxsutawney Phil said there would be six more weeks of winter, while Jimmy in Sun Prairie (WI) said it would be an early spring. I'm going with Jimmy because I like his prediction better.  

Since it IS my 1/2 birthday, it's also that time to revisit the good 'ol birthday wishes...and see if any of them actually came true. 

 

2011 Birthday Wishes (original):

• procure a MacBook - yes, I asked for one for Christmas.  no, I did not get one. tax money is going to other crap. ugh. 
• amp up physical activity - a friend and I have talked about going to yoga classes - and we downloaded the schedule...now we just need to actually go.  I'm still considering purchasing a bike (Rob would be so proud). and I've signed up for a couple fun runs for charity already.  perhaps I will be ready for the Dirty Girl Mud Run in August?  
• try to eat better - it's a good theory, if only I could really put it into practice.  the holidays killed me, but I'm hoping to get back on track.
• attempt to be culinary - ha ha ha ha.  I still define cooking as "empty contents of package into bowl, add water and microwave for five minutes". but pinning recipes to pinterest counts right?
• embrace my curls - my hair is still short.  as long as it's in this style, curls will not be embraced.  however, if I grow it out for summer, this can be revisited.
• beat my brother in "Words with Friends" - 13 August bitches!  sad part is I haven't won since...but we haven't really played either.  this is to my advantage, really.
• travel somewhere besides DC & Chicago - Madison once (but it's still in Wisco).  however, I'm going to St. Louis in March...yippee!!!  and maybe NOLA in June.
• see Wisco Gov. Scott Walker get recalled - signatures have been collected - over one million - so I guess that makes me one in a million :).  currently they're being analyzed and then we can oust the douchebag out of office (not that I have an opinion about it...)
• increase social media knowledge - pinterest and instagram ARE social media tools.  seriously, I've continue to read up on trends and increase my employers presence on the interwebs.  go me.
• engage in artistic endeavors - I did not tile my "east side special" coffee table...but I did this instead. plus, I have a few cool ideas for those wine bottles I now have, and the blank wall by the tv, and....
• continue to promote rjl creative -  still promoting.  still getting little jobs here and there.  I'd have more time for this if I wasn't actively looking for another full-time job in the process.
• become involved with APBT & AmStaff dog rescue/advocacy - I know when events are (3rd Annual Bully Bash is 30 March) . must.go.to.an.event.
• that my mom wins her battle with pancreatic cancer - mom is on an aggressive chemo schedule now :(  however, she remains in good spirits and is resilient as ever (amazingly). 

grinding gears 1.0

We'll call this a post about "what really grinds my gears" - because I most of the time I tend to write when someone or something aggravates me.  

A couple days ago, Starbucks posted this status message on Facebook:

We are proud to support Marriage Equality legislation in the Washington State Legislature. (read full article).  

This was awesome.  Granted, if I'm going out for coffee I'd much rather patronize Alterra or Stone Creek Coffee because they're local - but now I feel a bit better about going to a "big box coffee shop".  Hey, a girl needs a caramel frappucino every once in a while. Outside of my need for a java fix, it's nice to see a mega-corporation align with my views on an issue - especially one I've been involved with (some could say personally) for quite some time.  

One of my best friends from college came out to me seven months after we graduated.  My response was "That's nice, could you get me another beer."  A unique response?  Perhaps.  But the point was his that I didn't care if he was gay - he was still my friend.  That wasn't about to change.  And on that cold December day over a decade ago, my journey as a straight LGBT advocate began.  More than a handful of friends have come out to me since, probably because I won't judge and I accept people for who they are, not their sexual orientation.  Period.  And honestly, I feel every else should do the same (but we sure as hell know that isn't the case).

Back to this wonderful (and somewhat ballsy, seeing the issue at hand) post from Starbucks. I try to keep political banter to a minimum, so I simply "liked" the status.  Then I noticed a male friend posted this comment:

I am so glad I am no longer associated with this filthy corporation.

My initial response was "what the fuck?"   I fail to see why their stance on marriage equality is "filthy".  Seriously.  You can come at the religious angle all you want.  From what I choose to accept and translate from the collection of stories called the Bible, Jesus accepted EVERYONE - regardless of race, creed, religion, socio-economic status, etc. EVERYONE includes sexual orientation. Alienating and damning a whole facet of our population to hell is certainty not "Christian-like".  And I don't think Jesus would approve.

Religious views aside, It seems to me that legislation (and constitutional amendments) were supposed to grant citizens rights - not take them away.  With all the "exclusions" currently in our society, I seriously question the state humanity and our future.

To be in love with someone and be raising a family with someone and want to make that commitment and not be able to is ludicrous, just ludicrous. - Brad Pitt

judgement

this is my choice

my conscience – my life

don’t think i haven’t thought about it

i do every day

and make choices so i don’t have to

make that decision again

the path traveled is the same today

for different reasons

not to repeat the past

i am responsible for this choice

one i should not be ostracized for

walking through doors where my life

dramatically changed

now offer salvation

but more importantly understanding

no questions asked

once the door closes

the interrogation begins

does one really have the right

to question – even judge

you don’t know me or my reasons

who are you to pass judgment

or preach verses to me

allow me to drive off in peace

embracing who i am

from home to home and back...

this past holiday week, I made the 12.5 hour (25 hours round trip) trek from Milwaukee to Potomac and back.  that's quite a lot of time in a vehicle alone, and thus my mind decided to wander.  below are some observations from the road and my visit, complete with the quirky randomness I so enjoy...

• the Chicago skyline is awesome regardless of the time of day (or night)
• Gary, Indiana is still a stinkhole
• "Killing an Arab" by the Cure will likely never be heard on US radio (or radio in general) again, but it will on my iPod 
• the "mountains" of Pennsylvania seemed way more daunting when I was six.  I'm sure they're not "mountains" in the true sense
• even though i can make the dish myself, Mom's mac-n-cheese tastes way better when she makes it
• one can never listen to the John Denver & the Muppets Christmas CD enough 
• my nephews are still freakin' cute

• Gavin is my brother's mini-me.  Liam, on the other hand, has channeled is auntie as a two (and three) year old.  I've already apologized for this
• a four year old boy and truly move at the speed of light to avoid "Santa"
• "Santa" was cool as a kid because he brought toys.  he's even cooler as an adult because now he brings bottles of rum
• watching "A Christmas Story" with Mom (while drinking Bailey's) every year never gets old
• screw a white Christmas.  I'll take a 50 degree green Christmas anyday...
• my aunt called me "cutie".  maybe one day it will resonate (I still maintain that tall, linebacker-built people like myself cannot be "cute")
• within a period of two years, I have become taller than my uncle
• compliments are great, especially when they come from unlikely sources
• there is such a thing as "bad" stuffing and "too sweet" sweet potatoes
• the Loss clan is apparently overwhelming even if you're dealt with them for 45 years
• my brother is way more like our dad than he'd care to admit
• in a room full of trains designed to mesmerize children and enthusiasts alike, I find the Cerberus (three-headed dog) train and a sign that reads "No Humping"
• my legs are freakishly short for my height
• Jim Vance is the shit.  I'd have a beer with him
• Mom and I don't like shopping, but we sure love Target 
• despite not living in the area, I still drive like a native Washingtonian and have a pronounced Maryland "o"
• it's still weird for me to see Ravens jerseys all across Maryland.  growing up it was still Redskins country
• Tilted Kilt is better than Hooters.  yes I wrote that
• the only way I'd be able to fit into a Tilted Kilt "uniform" is if I didn't eat for five months.  that's not gonna happen
• my dad asked me how much air I liked in my tires (prior to getting it checked before my return trip).  I almost responded "I like my tires like my men...hard".  parental filter success
• it is possible for a cute, little Scottie to be incredibly annoying.  ask Caye
• Maryland crab cakes are the shit
• it's ok for Rutgers to upset #10 Kansas, but NOT ok for Vandy to upset #13 Marquette in the same evening
• watching Marquette games with Mom rarely turns out favorably
• Mom sent me home with over three dozen cookies.  if she only knew...
• my iPod has a thing for Erasure
• Bryan Adams is still great driving music.  so is Chicago...this chick digs Cetera
• stupid drivers are bred everywhere...slower traffic keep right and pass on the left...fucktards
• it is still necessary to "salute" any billboard promoting Indiana University.  especially if it involves men's basketball (here's why)
• the College Football Hall of Fame is in South Bend...who knew?
• if Newark, New Jersey is the armpit of the USA, then Gary, Indiana is the bunghole
• Chicago rush hour sucks.  Tastykakes made it a little better
• it is possible for a dog to stay awake the duration of a road trip 
• I am incredibly lucky to have fabulous friends and family in my life
• Mom is a truly amazing woman.  I could only hope to handle myself with such positivity, poise and grace as she has
• I am unfortunate enough to have two places I can call home

merry merry...

hoping you and yours are having a wonderful holiday season!

christmas time

there's something about christmas time

that makes your wish it was christmas every day

to see the joy in the children's eyes

the way that the old folks smile

says that christmas will never go away

~ bryan adams, christmas time

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday (well, aside from my birthday - but one could argue that is not a holiday).  The way Mom decorates the house at Christmas, the various aromas of sweet goodies (especially my toffee), visiting with the extended fam (as it's the only time of year I usually see them), playing with my nephews (who are adorable and rock my world)....the list goes on.  There is just something warm and fuzzy about Christmas.  

I will be going back to DC/MD/VA for Christmas this year.  While the warm fuzzies will be there, I can't help to think that this year Christmas will be different yet special.

This year I'll be embarking on a journey I've never done - driving home by myself.   Just me, a Cayenne, 1500 songs on the iPod, 12 hours, six states and 700 miles of highway.  And yes, I know not to stop at the Hardee's on the Ohio Turnpike.  It also marks Cayenne's inaugural trip to the east coast - believe it or not.  I'm sure he'll be entertained by Gus, Mom's errant 1.5 year old Scottie. 

I'll also be at home for a week - something I haven't done this millennium.  Mainly this has been due to lack of PTO (paid time off), lack of a dogsitter, and monetary restraints (dogsitting ain't cheap...neither is airfare).  This year I have the time saved up and driving is cheaper in the long run.  However, there is really only one major reason I'm going for a week this year:  Mom.

As many know, my Mom is battling pancreatic cancer.  On Tuesday, we found out her tumor is currently inoperable (as it's entwined in the artery)...not the Christmas present any of us wanted.  So Mom gets eight weeks of aggressive chemo as a gift....although the docs are hopeful this will shrink the tumor and open the possibility to remove it.  We've all been practicing the same mantra:  hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.  The best gift ever would be successful chemo, tumor removal and remission - even if that would happen a few months late.

Part of the harsh reality is this could be Mom's last Christmas - although I have faith in the doctors/health care professionals at Johns Hopkins, plus Mom's own resilience and positive attitude,  that it won't be. Call it being stubborn or being an eternal optimistic (or a little of both), but Mom will be around for more Christmases and birthdays. Regardless, this will be a special Christmas.

So this holiday season enjoy time with friends, family and loved ones.  Tell them you love them, enjoy their friendship, what have you.  If you've had a falling out with a friends, make amends.  

Life is too short not to cherish it, so savor every moment and make it count. 

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

the ex

Sometimes this song conveys exactly how I'm feeling, especially the chorus...

And while I know that I'm a fighter who's too busy to sit down and lament, I know it's okay to do so sometimes...