material issue?

But Will It Make You Happy? (Leah Hash for The New York Times)

She had so much.

A two bedroom apartment. Two cars. Enough wedding chine to serve two dozen people.

Yet Tammy Strobel wasn't happy. Working as a project manager with an investment management firm in Davis, Calif., and making about $40,000 a year, she was, as she put it, caught in the "work-spend treadmill".

So one day she stepped off.

Inspired by books and blog entries about living simply, Ms. Strobel and her husband, Logan Smith, both 31, began donating some of their belongings to charity. As the months passed, out went stacks of sweaters, shoes, books, pots and pans, even the television after a trial separation during which it was relegated to a closet. Eventually, they got rid of their cars, too. Emboldened by a web site that challenges consumers to live with just 100 personal items, Ms. Strobel winnowed down her wardrobe and toiletries to precisely that number.

Her mother called her crazy.

Today, three years after Ms. Strobel and Mr. Smith began downsizing, they live in Portland, Ore., in a spare, 400-square foot studio with a nice-sized kitchen. Mr. Smith is completing a doctorate in physiology; Ms. Strobel happily works from home as a Web designer and freelance writer. She owns four plates, three pairs of shoes and two pots. With Mr. Smith in his final weeks of school, Ms. Strobel's income of about $24,000 a year covers their bills. They are still car-free but have bikes. One other thing they no long have: $30,000 of debt.

See full article

This got me thinking...do the materialistic things really make us happy?

It's a thought-provoking question, especially after giving this article a read. I'd like to think I'm slightly ahead of the curve on this one, as I inadvertently started doing this 18 months ago. There's a bit of back-story, so bear with me.

In February 2009, Grandmom passed away after two-plus years of her health being compromised. Grandmom grew up during the depression and was poor as a child, thus the propensity to save everything...money, documents, clothes, etc. I understand this rationale and didn't think anything of it, until we went into her basement after the funeral. Holy crap, the term "pack rat" took on a whole new meaning. Why on earth would one save all this...well, crap?

This was the first epiphany. If got hit by the proverbial bus, who would sift through all my stuff? When I got home, I started spring cleaning...never mind that I was a month or so early. Clothes were donated, old documents were shredded - you get the idea. I think I might have even cleaned thought no one was coming to visit.

Fast forward a few months. It was just just me and Caye, as Lily had been put down in June 2009. Reassessing my living situation, I realized that having a two-story flat was pointless for me and one dog - especially since I rarely used the second level. Furthermore, the monthly dwelling payment was a little too high for my tastes (and one income). Truth be told, I was contemplating a move since the divorce was finalized in fall 2008 so the concept wasn't really new...taking action was.

Thus came the second epiphany. I could move to the area of the city I wanted. I have always loved the east side (by far my favorite Milwaukee "borough") and my search began. There was no way in hell I could afford a condo or house on the east side, so renting it was. Now, the issue was trying to find a place that had no breed and no weight restrictions for dogs. Well, I found that so the move was on. But it also begged the question: how does one downsize from a two-story, two-bedroom flat to a one-bedroom apartment?

Well, get rid of crap of course! Goodwill probably loved my frequent trips. Let's face it, I, of all people, do not need three sets of pots & pans. I also utilized craigslist.com, and I think I sold enough to actually cover a good chunk of my security deposit (now could someone just take my wedding dress, please?) So yes, all my worldly belongings are in a one-bedroom apartment minus what my mom wishes I would take from her house (sorry Mom, you'll have to keep SuperPickle for now) and storage bins. I realized when you have less room to put crap, it makes you think before you buy that cool home decor piece or random thing-a-ma-jiggie. Since I'm moved, I've spent a lot less money on "non-essentials" which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The significant drop in living expenses isn't bad either.

As a result I actually saved money. What a concept! And then I had a third epiphany. I wondered why I was paying a large chunk of change (read: rent or mortgage payment) for my car payment and insurance. Don't get me wrong, my Versa was awesome - but seeing I maybe drive 8000 miles a year did it make sense putting that much of my monthly income into a car? Thankfully, I had a clause that I could return the car if desired - and I took advantage of it. In late June, I became the proud owner of Clyde, a 1989 Camry. He's rough around the edges, but he's a good little car. And I really like not having any monthly car payment (outside of insurance) and owning it outright. I'll probably need another epiphany to determine what to do with those excess funds, but right now can you say savings account?

While 100 personal items total (I'm sure my hair products alone constitute 10 items) and dismissing my television all-together seems a bit (scratch that...a lot) drastic, maybe I can forgo the hair gel and kill my television for a few hours. And perhaps when I buy new clothes, I can donate some to Goodwill.

But I'm happy with what I have - both tangible and non-tangible - and I'm not too concerned with what I don't have. I figure if I don't have it, I don't really need it.

That kind of makes the material stuff insignificant, doesn't it?

birfday musings

Well, another birfday (or burpday) has come and gone...it was a great one largely due to friends and family.

Thanks to:

• Mom for calling and singing
• Dad for calling and attempting to sing, and our 15 minute convo about good beer vs. skunky beer (in case you're wondering, Dad is not a fan of PBR but gives Lakefront's East Side Dark two thumbs up)
• Bro for calling, even though he reminded me I will always be older than him (gee, thanks..) but in retort, I don't look older than him
• Joe for calling from NYC...I miss my Joe-baby and yes, you are on my "visit list"
• Jen & Jeanette for bday lunches
• Joy for bday dinner and my fabulous college roomies for a Sunday funday at Ale House (how I've missed thee!)
• Sandbox Pimps for the bday cake & beer (better than it sounds...and the frosting was fantastic!) after vball
• SoBs for a Bradford Beach Sunday funday
• everyone who came out to Burnham Bowl on Friday for karaoke and assorted shenanigans
• all those who posted bday wishes on facebook (holy balls, there were quite a few...)
• Doug for the "ancient" surprise (even though I still question the validity of that clue) and always being there - I'm happy you're in my life :) (saving the best for last, of course)

And, believe it or not, I've actually made headway on my birthday wish list 2010. Who would have thunk it, right?

No, I haven't mastered the bass or lost 20 lbs in a month. However, I...

• have caught up with friends I haven't really seen in the past year, and I will stay in touch much better this year (keep me accountable for this, folks)
• promised Joe (NYC) and Dwayne (AZ) I'd visit them. I guess this means I'll do it, as I'm not one for breaking promises
• now am the proud owner the adapter so I can play my iPod in my car...and I love it (I mean, where else can I go from Billy Talent to Front 242 to Billy Joel?)
• contrived a financial plan to actually save money (I'll let you know how that goes)
• wrote to envelope to send in Kiwanis dues (baby steps, baby steps)

So yeah, I'm another year older...but honestly, I don't feel it or look it. As I embark on my last year of this decade, I'm hopeful and enthusiastic for what the upcoming year will bring. And y'all are welcome to come along for the ride...it looks to be a good one!

24.random.facts

Oh facebook...the things you have us think about. I originally intended to post this list there as a note. However, this list turned into something a little more than random facts so I felt more comfortable posting it here. Plus, since it’s my blog I knocked it down to 24 facts, because 24 is divisible by 8 – my lucky number. Makes sense to me…

1. I have been a vegetarian twice in my life - once in college, once two years ago - which ended due to me being anemic both times. The irony is that only like about ½ of the vegetables created especially the weird, unliked by the populous types (turnips, parsnips, beets, etc.) However, the only fruit I don’t like are oranges.
2. That being said, my food tastes/preferences could be described as “junk food junkie” or “kiddie menu”. Chicken nuggets and fries are a totally acceptable meal at any time; same goes for diet Dew and Doritos. I will (and have) argued that Doritos can be considered a health food, and diet Dew contains concentrated orange juice so that counts as a fruit, right?
3. My math SAT score was 720. This may explain why I can quickly do math in my head but doesn’t explain why I don’t like math. It may also explain why I’m cerebral when it comes to playing/watching sports because I sure won’t outrun anybody.
4. With football, I’m more interested in watching the defense than the offense. I just find it more intriguing while others find it strange, but I find there’s more strategy in defense. This may also explain why I’m a Bears fan…Monsters of the Midway baby!
5. I lack the attention span to watch most long movies (over 2 hours) but, for some reason, have no problem watching a whole (3 hour plus) baseball game, even when the Cubs are getting shellacked.
6. Speaking of movies, I have never seen Gone With the Wind or Casablanca and probably won’t unless I’m “forced” to do so. However, if it’s an Adam Sandler flick, I’ve likely seen it. More than once. Even Little Nicky, as bad as it was.
7. I cannot work or read in complete silence. There needs to be background noise. In other words, I need distraction to be effective. My ability to multi-task is unparallel, much like my attraction to shiny things.
8. I say the word “fuck” a lot. It doesn’t make me a bad person. Deal with it.
9. Most of my favorite musical artists hail from Canada. I’ll call it the “Adams factor” as I was a rabid Bryan Adams fan as a kid. Still a fan, just not nearly as rabid…actually I don’t know when I last listened to him. However, Billy Talent, Alexisonfire and Tragically Hip (all Canadian) came on my iPod this morning.
10. My current vehicle is old enough to buy its own beer. I think Clyde would be a PBR kind of guy, either that or a flaming shot.
11. The sheer stupidity and/or ignorance of most drivers amazes me. As a result, I only drive when necessary and successfully (for the most part) convince others to drive if we’re going somewhere.
12. If Milwaukee had a better (read: more expansive and less expensive) public transportation system, I likely would not own a car. If you need to know why, see #11.
13. I am of German, Polish, English and Irish descent; but most people think I’m Italian. I have also passed for Spanish, Dutch and English – at least I’m one of those! Yet I don’t get mistaken for being German even though I’m ½ German. My mom and brother, on the other hand, are undeniably German.
14. Outside of the USA, I have set foot in Germany more than any other country. Sadly, the only German I know consists of greetings and insults which means I can effectively say “Good day, shithead”. Thanks Mom!
15. Bad grammar in facebook status messages annoys me. Oh fuck, bad grammar annoys me in general – especially when supposedly intelligent people engage in this practice. It’s to the point where I actually want to write a comment correcting their grammar.
16. Aside from grammar and alphabetizing CDs/DVDs, I’m not an anal retentive person. Some people might consider me messy and my desk a work hazard. I refer to it as an “organized mess”. I can find something when you ask for it, so don’t mess up my filing system.
17. Although I’m not religious, I find the connection between religion, culture and society fascinating.
18. I would take a beer in a bar over a cosmo in a club almost anyway. Sure, I don’t mind dressing up and going to the clubs on occasion…but nothing beats hanging out with friends at a local watering hole.
19. Little/trivial things get me frustrated, but I’m usually calm in the middle of a shitstorm. Case in point…a couple weeks ago my credit card didn’t work while attempting to order a pizza (due to being cancelled due to a fraud alert). However, when my car overheated on I94…I was calm and focused on the situation at hand. I really have no valid explanation for this behavior.
20. As a child, I had buck teeth, coke-bottle glasses, afro hair and a chunky build – not the picture of cuteness. At all. Don’t believe my dad, he had to say that I was pretty, cute, etc. Thanks to nine years of orthodontic, contacts and anti-frizz serum from John Freida I don’t look like a freak of nature (yet still linebacker-esque in stature). However, I still see that kid inside and really don’t think I’m pretty, cute, etc. At least I’ve learned to say “thank you” in response to a compliment, even if I don’t believe it most of the time…
21. I have no first cousins on my mom’s side of the family, and I’m not really close to the first cousins on my dad’s side; thus when people are close to their cousins it’s a foreign concept to me. Then again, I don’t really have anything in common with my cousins.
22. Along the same lines, I’m always felt like the “black sheep” with my dad’s family due to a number of reasons including political persuasion, current geographic location and career field. I come home 2-3 times/year and it’s not like anyone (aside from the parentals, bro, sis-in-law & nephews) really seem to care one way or another…yet they feel I should live in Maryland. Aside from the aforementioned family, the only other family member who “got it” was Grandmom.
23. The whole CKI situation from April 2009 still gets to me, despite talking and blogging about it. It hurts that a majority of the people who once cared and were a significant part of my life don’t give a fuck anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there are some with whom I still keep in touch (you know who you are and thank you!) They say time heals all wounds, but it’s making it difficult for me to become involved with the K-Family again.
24. I often don’t ask for help even if I need it. This is in part due to being independent/stubborn and the belief I can do it myself; if I can’t I feel like I failed in some way. It’s also in part that I don’t expect people to actually help. However, I’m always appreciative if you do help me.

hey ms. dj...

I have been in a nostalgic mood lately.

I've not only found my cassettes from my old radio WMUR - Marquette University Radio shows, I find myself listening to them. There are moments I miss being a DJ, but I opted against radio as a career because there's no money in it. For some reason I thought Sociology/Social Welfare would rake in the bucks. Ha ha ha. Talk about college junior wisdom. Despite only being involved with radio as a listener, my time at WMUR has had a bigger impact on my life than I would have expected.

The obvious influence would be musical. In high school, I liked some of what would be called "alternative" but I was pretty much a rock girl with some new wave and pop infusion. During my time at WMUR, this genre called "grunge" started a music revolution of sorts...and I was there in the middle of it. Nirvana, AIC, Pearl Jam...you name it, we likely played it. MUR was also big on Wisconsin's own, the BoDeans. I also heard of the Goo Goo Dolls long before "Name" and that song off "City of Angels". In fact, their debut CD is somewhere in my CD stash and the song "Just The Way You Are" (no, NOT a cover) is still awesome. Of course, there was the not-so-common and the obscure...the Dead Milkmen and the Rainmakers, for example.

Looking back, the music I once spun has influenced the music I listen to today. I will maintain that the early-to-mid 1990s was the best span of music created in our lifetime (thus far). However, my main genre continues to be alternative music - both classic and current. You'll still find me listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers, REM and older U2; bands who are around today due to college radio. I also love hearing new and emerging artists such as Billy Talent, Rise Against, MGMT and Alexisonfire...and I wonder how the music scene will evolve. Hopefully, it's back to the artistry and individuality of the 1990s, but only time will tell.

The other main impact is not so apparent. You wouldn't know it today, but I was shy in high school. Sure, around my friends I was fine but otherwise I could barely give a three minute presentation in speech class. I couldn't tell you why. Maybe I didn't feel I fit in (which was probably true). Maybe I wasn't comfortable with myself at that awkward puberty stage, and for a late bloomer, it was even worse. For these reasons and others, I decided to high-tail it out of Maryland and attend college elsewhere. Elsewhere ended up being Marquette.

Upon arrival as a freshman, I knew absolutely no one. While it was daunting, I realized that almost everyone else was in the same situation. I figured the best way to meet people outside my floor was to join some sort of student organization. As with any college, there were a plethora of clubs, organizations, etc. and radio piqued my interest. Let's face it, as a shy person I still liked to talk if I was comfortable with the situation. So I joined the radio station. The first semester was just learning the ropes and maybe doing on-air stuff. Second semester I was paired with an upperclassman to teach me the ropes so I could have a show of my own.

Well, it was a freakin' blast...and I fell hook, line and sinker. With radio it's just you, a mic and a remote audience. Since no one actually saw me, it was easy to put myself out there. It was a perfect fit for someone who will still joke that she has a face for radio. Radio also allowed me to express my individuality through music selection, studio guests, DJ babble, etc. Furthermore, I learned my brand of rumor (in moderation) translates well to radio. But really, my time as a DJ served as a platform for me to come out of my shell...although I'm sure some people wished I would have stayed in.

Back to those radio show cassettes...I still dislike my voice. My Maryland "o" is prevalent, and I'm strangely happy about that. I discovered that I still am amused by the content of the shows and my dorkiness, which much like the Maryland "o", hasn't wavered. And most importantly, I learned (in front of those ten listeners) that I can indeed be comfortable in my own skin.

So if you give this girl a mic, you never know what might happen...

birthday wishes 2010

On Monday, it occurred to me that it was four weeks until my birthday. This usually begs the question: "What do you want for your birthday?"

As a kid, the list was long and plentiful. There were always toys, books and games (board and video) to be had. Even as a somewhat materialistic kid, I looked forward to my bday party with friends which started as a day at CJ Park and in later years evolved into slumber parties. And I'm sure an O's baseball game and apple pie (instead of cake) were involved somewhere. As an adult, it's a hard question to answer. If I want something like a book, I usually just buy it. If I want to see my friends, I just do - no birthday party needed. Now if I could just get my mom to send me apple pie...

Yes, the concept & celebration of birthdays do change as we get older but one thing remains the same - we all have birthday wishes. Each year, I have a friend who compiles her birthday wish list. Some of the items are material, some far-fetched, some realistic. Inspired by her, I have come up with my own birthday wish list for 2010:

• promote/develop my freelance design "business" (using that term loosely)
• a MacBook
• take more photographs (those of the artsy, landscape variety)
• learn to play bass
• catch up with friends I haven't seen much in the past year
• keep in touch with friends I actually see
• visit friends in faraway places - specifically those in Florida, Arizona and Connecticut - who I keep promising I'll visit
• teleportation to see said friends and my nephews more often
• travel internationally without my mom
• the adapter thingie that allows you to use your iPod in the car
• a Wii Fit
• lose that last 20 lbs
• manage my finances more effectively
• actually watch some shows I've DVRed
• become more involved with the K-Family again
• world peace (sorry I had to)
• instead of complaining about something, do something to change it

Is everything included on this list attainable? Doubtful...that's why it's a wish list. But I guess really don't need or want much of the materialistic this year. I've been fortunate, albeit too busy on occasion to do some of the things I'd like to do. Maybe the actual acknowledgement of those things in writing will inspire me to start on at least some of them.

As another birthday looms, I can't complain. I'm generally happy, relatively well-off in the grand scheme of things, loved by my family (for some reason) and surrounded by good people. A girl can't ask for much more than that.

summerfest = bummerfest

Music. Food. Friends. The Lakefront. Sounds like a recipe for a fabulous time, right?

Well, yes..in theory. The Big Gig, aka Summerfest, has touted itself as "the world's largest music festival". This indeed is true. I mean, where else will you find an event that runs for 11 days with 11 stages filled with all different genres of music.

I myself have been a frequent goer to The Big Gig (including one year where I went seven of 11 days) since my early 20s when I adopted Milwaukee as my "home". Yearly, I had the obligatory Saz's Sampler (sour cream & chive fries, mozz sticks and cheese curds) and a cold, frothy beverage...well, maybe more than one. My college roomies would converge on the fest for at least one day, and likely find others we knew along the way.

But really, Summerfest is all about the music! In my early fest-going days, you could get "hand-stamped' for the main stage - meaning you lined up outside the gates, paid general admission (about $10 at the time) and rushed the Marcus to get that coveted stamp. What did it get you? "Free" grass seat admission to the main stage. As a result, I've seen the following for $10 each: Prince (2x), BoDeans (2x), Violent Femmes/Goo Goo Dolls, Stone Temple Pilots, John Mellencamp, Bon Jovi, Smashing Pumpkins...to name a few.

With the firing of Bo Black (RIP) as Executive Director and the hiring of Don Smiley (coincidence, seeing the logo of Summerfest), this fine tradition died - and the music died as well.

Don't get me wrong, there is still music at Summerfest. However, the music aimed at the mid 30s to early 50s crowd (plus their expendable income) and their children - aka classic rock, pop and country. Case in point, I give you the 2010 headliners:

Classic rock: Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers w/ZZ Top, Eric Clapton w/ Roger Daltrey, Santana w/ Steve Winwood, Rush

Country: Tim McGraw, Brooks & Dunn w/ Kellie Pickler, Carrie Underwood

Poppy Crap: Justin Bieber w/ Sean Kingston, Usher (sans "Yeah"), American Idol tour

I realize that Tom Petty loves Summerfest and vice-versa, and I understand (per my brother who incidentally falls in the target audience) he puts on a great show. But think about it...all the classic rock main stage acts were making music/touring before I was born. Really? The only "new" acts (or at least acts that came of age this millennium) you could find were able to book country and this poppy crap trying to pose as music?

Now I realize that not everyone likes alternative/new rock genre (even though it's the best in my opinion), and that for some odd reason, the general populous likes country music. I also realize that Summerfest as a business needs to make money, and apparently the classic rock and country acts will rake in the dough more than the others. But I ask...where the hell is the alternative genre represented?

I would say on the side stages, but nope. In perusing the schedule most of it is made up of classic rock/80s music including: Night Ranger, Wang Chung, Kool & the Gang, Blue Oyster Cult, 38 Special, Moody Blues, YES, Scorpions and Peter Frampton. True, there are some good songs in this group of aging acts which I like - and I totally rock "Burnin' for You" by Blue Oyster Cult at karaoke. But I seriously thought Wang Chung and Kool & the Gang were dead. And none of these acts have had anything new since about 1990.

I did find some bona fide "new" alternative music, which by Summerfest standards, means their first hit occurred after 2000: Toyko Police Club, Cage the Elephant, Puddle of Mudd, The Bravery and Against Me! That's a mere five of hundreds of acts.

I believe my genre of music just got bitch-slapped by a smiley face.

what.a.difference.a.year.makes

It was a year ago I was asked to resign as my role as CKI (Circle K) Administrator due to an incident I will not disclose here. That resignation came with mixed emotions.

I still feel I was not given a fair opportunity to explain my side of the story; and that the decision would have been the same regardless of what I said or did. I still feel that I let people down, even if it ultimately was not my decision. I miss the comradery shared amongst CKI'ers and my fellow administrators; a comradery that, aside for a handful of folks, has fallen completely by the wayside.

Truth be told, I was planning on resigning at the end of the 2009-2010 year on my terms. It definitely didn't happen that way. It's almost as if the door known as the five-year stint as Administrator/Ass't Administrator was abruptly slammed in my face; yet ironically there was no real closure.

However, when one door closes another door (or more) opens...

In hindsight, not being CKI Administrator allowed me to focus on areas of my life, areas that had been neglected due to time limitations. These areas included (but were not limited to):

friendships

creative endeavors

relationships

friendships

Being CKI Admin took up about 13 weekends per year (not to mention other events, phone calls, etc that would pop up now and then). I don't begrudge any time I spent with CKI, but it shot my weekend social life to hell. "I'm sorry. I have a Circle K event to go to" was a phrase I used rather frequently. It also made it difficult for me to meet non-Kiwanis family new people.

I've been lucky to meet a lot of new people in the past year, and being a people person, that makes me happy. I've also reconnected with "seasoned" friends, which is also a great feeling. However, I will focus on one circumstance; it just seems to fit for this time of year.

About the time my weekends again became my own, I started playing bar league volleyball again (after a two-year hiatus). The way this team was assembled was unique - I'll just call it the "Reid factor". Each team member knew Reid somehow; whether it be previous vball teams, chance meeting at Tracks or doing yoga headstands at a WH3 event. Whatever force bought this motley crew together, we became the new (and supposedly improved) "suns of beaches". However, it was clear we shared a like for alcoholic beverages and having fun. Fun is good; and it served as a welcome diversion to the whole CKI thing. These SoBs also served as support through my hand surgery and my move this summer; just mere months after meeting. This also led to playing on another team, Sand Pimps. (Yup - I'm a sun of beach and a sand pimp. My parents would be so proud!)

This was exactly what I needed - having fun times with a great group of people. A year later, we're still ballin' in the same bar leagues in Milwaukee and Reid makes "guest appearances" when his travels take him across the border. Comradery still exists...sometimes you just have to look for it.

creative endeavors

Some people would figure I'm creative every day, being a graphic designer at work and all. True, I am creative at work. It's why I like my job. Yet any creative energies (or energy in general) was consumed by CKI. I'm always happy and honored to lend my talents when needed, but it didn't allow me the freedom to explore.

That being said, the outcome of my work projects have been more creative and innovative. Instead of just thinking outside the box, I've come close to blowing it up. I've been doing some freelance work as well, some of which I'll actually be getting paid for! What a concept, eh? More importantly, I've revisited two creative areas that I haven't had time for in recent years: writing and photography.

Writing....well, you're reading the fruits of that labor now. I write for my own enjoyment and if someone else likes it as well, even better. Photography was an art I showed interest in during my high school days, but after a semester it was evident that me in a darkroom was a disaster in the making. My interest wasn't renewed until I went on a Baltic cruise in June 2006. Maybe it was the charm of Galma Stan in Stockholm or the intricacies of churches in Russia and Estonia but my interest was renewed. Yes, I am now a camera geek and have one with me 90% of the time. I have the photo blog to prove it.

Oh, and I keep saying I want to learn bass. No comment on that (lack of) progress.

relationships

Since my marriage ended in stellar fashion, I admittedly was a bit gunshy. While I did date during my time as Admin, it proved somewhat difficult. Yes, the schedule of events and necessary time commitments played a role. I also think I used it as a crutch, meaning I couldn't become involved because I needed to dedicate my time to CKI. Call it fear of rejection, call it penance, call it whatever you want - it wasn't healthy.

A year ago, that crutch was gone (although I received a snazzy new pair of metal ones in January). There was nothing holding me back; I had to put myself out there. And it's a good thing I did.

The Sunday I should have been been coming home the CKI spring trainer in the Dells, I instead found myself at my friend Judi's "Thanksgiving in April" gathering. Delish food, interesting and fun conversation...and the stealing of gray baseball caps. Well, Doug's gray baseball cap. I think this gathering was the first time I talked with Doug beyond the obligatory "Hey, what's up?" at karaoke. Apparently, he found me interesting and we talked quite a bit at the next karaoke gathering, which lead to the following message on fb, aptly titled (and still titled) "pokes": I had a hell of a lot of fun tonight. I always seem to have quite a bit of fun when you're around. You owe me drinks. That is my clever/coy way of saying we should hang out again sometime. This "might" be lame although I doubt I'm even possible of being lame, but we should go out sometime, just the two of us... I wanted to ask you in person tonight but I felt like I ran out of time. (yes, I had to search in message archives for it...)

So it began. Doug's not sick of me yet, or so he says. And he can even tolerate the fact that I am a (gasp!) Cubs fan.

Am I upset that I am no longer Admin? No. But I wish it didn't end under the circumstances it did nor the repercussions that followed. Do I like having my weekends free and the ability to to have a social life? This may be self-centered, but yes.

Most importantly, I'm happy. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.