Christmas was always Mom's holiday. I'm not sure what the holidays in Maryland will hold this year; but I know there will be a void and heavy hearts for all of us. The key is to cherish the memories and the good times (whilst sipping some Bailey's on the rocks.)
Having said that, I finally feel ready to share the words of remembrance from August...
Well,
first everyone had a role in the past two years. Dad took care of the logistics
and took mom to her bi-weekly appointments. Chris took Mom to CT scans and
translated the medical-ease for those less savvy such as Dad and myself. And then there’s me, who took it upon herself
to be comic relief by default. So if I
make a fool of myself up here, it’s par for the course.
Case
in point…at Mom’s CT scan in April, the director of oncology at Johns Hopkins
said “Kids, your mom is one tough cookie”
and I immediately responded “That’s because she’s German.” Laughter briefly ensues. Not that Germans are strong-willed
or stubborn at all. But while Mom and I were never truly at odds, we sometimes
had a difference in opinion on the ways in which to do things (again, not
German related or the previously mentioned fact I take after my dad’s side of
the family). The most recent example came last Sunday, when our difference in
cleaning styles – or my lack thereof – came to light. I was helping to vacuum,
and mom informed me when I missed a spot (more than once, mind you). Part of me
was incredulous that this was happening, but mostly I was smiling because that
was Mom. I just hope she is not looking at my apartment right now…
I
started really bonding with Mom went I went away to Marquette for college
(absence makes the heart grow fonder right?).
Maybe it was the weekly phone calls; maybe it was that I started to
think of mom as more than a mom, but a friend. We talked about everything from
relationships to sports. Actually, a lot about sports, mostly football and NCAA
basketball. Of course, I couldn’t have the Vikings as my 2nd team,
so I chose the rival Bears – also Dad’s team. But the NCAA tourney was our
bread and butter – Mom groomed me as a bracketologist from the tender age of
ten. And every year, we’d discuss our picks in depth after the selection show.
I think my bracket only beat hers five times, but under her tutelage, I’ve been
quite fortuitous in other pools. Those weekly phone calls continued until three
weeks ago – her very last phone call to me was to wish me a happy birthday.
Our
bond really grew stronger during our three trips together (Baltic cruise 2006,
Greece 2008, Spain 2010). And it is true that you don’t really get to know
someone until you travel with them, or if you prep for travel with them. I did
mention differences right? Mom started packing two weeks before each trip; I
packed the night before each trip. Mom could not stand that, yet I was the one
who never forgot anything. Mom couldn’t sleep on the plane; I fell asleep in
the States and woke up in Europe. Some of my fondest (and funniest) memories of
Mom happened on these excursions. During the Baltic cruise, I introduced Mom to
karaoke for the first time. After every performance, she retorted “I used to
like that song”. We also enjoyed Baileys on the balcony (which Mom smuggled on
the ship). In Greece, whilst admiring the beauty of the Aegean Sea, Mom accidently
dropped her digital camera into it. In Costa del Sol, Mom and I shared cheese
and wine on the balcony – which was probably the best conversation I ever had
with Mom. In Madrid, whilst dining with a bullfight on the tele in the
background, Mom loudly was cheering for the bull. Thankfully, the people in the
restaurant did not speak English.
All
kidding aside, Mom and I shared a love of photography, history and travel…so
these excursions were a perfect combination. Although our styles were
definitely different. Mom was determined
to get the exact name of every building, historical site, ruin, etc.; I also
did to an extent, but also took picture of random people, dogs, alleys, etc. to
get a feel of the culture. Mom undeniably looked like a tourist from the
States; I passed for British…in fact, there were times where folks in our tour
group in Spain asked if we were really related at first. Then they started talking to us and realized
that yes, yes we are related…because of our smiles and positive outlook on
life.
I
thought about that observation…and soon realized that the first things people
notice about me are my positive attitude and smile (and yes, Dad I know you
paid for my smile) – traits I definitely inherited from Mom. While Mom was
slightly more subdued than I, one could tell that she could find the good in
most things and enjoy life to the fullest. There was always some fiber of her
being that believed that she would overcome this hurdle – as I (and everyone
else) were also hoping and praying for the very same outcome. Even the last
time I saw Mom, when she smiled she could still light up a room.
However,
it was that positive attitude (and stubbornness, hmm…strength) that helped Mom
defy the odds. Mom fought this disease with more grace, courage, determination
and positivity anyone could have imagined; in the future, I can only hope to
face any adversity the same as she did.
Mom, you will never be forgotten and will always be in
my heart – and I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. I love you…
