hope springs eternal

Easter was never really a big holiday in my family, In fact, last year was the first time I was home for Easter since my senior year in high school. 

Easter is a a time for hope and renewal, which usually coincides with the physical onset of spring. 

Easter was also the last holiday I saw Mom happy and healthy. Last year, I (as well as my family) really did have reasons for hope and celebration of life. Hope in that her tests all came back negative and the cancer had not spread. Mom looked  - and more importantly - felt healthy and her attitude was positive as ever. She was happy and was still able to live life to the fullest (with a couple rest stops along the way). We celebrated her health and happiness. It was a time of renewal as we all thought she had turned a corner and was going to continue the good fight. While her spirit was strong enough to do so, her body had been ravaged by the fight. And you know the how the story ends.  I am extremely thankful I made the trip home last Easter, as I got to see Mom as Mom one last time. 

However, Mom has never left us. Her spirit lives on, and I especially feel it during spring. Mom loved flowers and the color yellow. Daffodils are among the first flowers to bloom, signalling the onset of spring. It takes me back to Easter as a kid - daffodils in bloom along the front walk, wearing a frilly dress I did not pick out, and hunting for Easter eggs. It was a simpler, carefree time.

On Saturday I was at the store and I noticed a bunch of daffodils in the floral department. I'm not one to buy myself flowers, but I was drawn to them. And really, there was no way I couldn't get them.

Those daffodils now sit in a mason jar on my coffee table. And while nothing can bring Mom back, I can always bring a little reminder of her spirit home.

alfie, the christmas tree

the holiday season is the one time of year I turn into a pseudo-sap and can get somewhat emotional. Christmas was - and still is - my favorite holiday. and while this Christmas may be bittersweet for obvious reasons, I'm fortunate enough to have Christmas memories and traditions to last my lifetime.

one of these traditions is the almost constant playing of John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together CD. I'm really not sure how it came about, but to me Christmas isn't complete without it.  my favorite song on the CD has always been Alfie, The Christmas Tree (and much to the chagrin of everyone, I can still recite the whole song). 

to me, it simply yet eloquently states the "reason for the season"....




Did you ever hear the story of the Christmas Tree
who just didn't want to change the show?
He liked living in the woods and playing with squirrels, he liked icicles and snow.

He liked wolves and eagles and grizzly bears
and critters and creatures that crawled.
Why bugs were some of his very best friends, spiders and ants and all.

Now that's not to say that he ever looked down on the vision of twinkling lights,
or on mirrored bubbles and peppermint canes and a thousand other delights.
And he often had dreams of tiny reindeer
and a jolly old man and a sleigh full of toys and presents and wonderful things,
and the story of Christmas Day.

Oh, Alfie believed in Christmas all right, he was full of Christmas cheer.
All of each and every day and all throughout the year.
To him it was more than a special time much more than a special day,
It was more than a beautiful story. it was a special kind of way.

You see, some folks have never heard a jingle bell ring,
And they've never heard of Santa Claus.
They've never heard the story of the Son of God. And that made Alfie pause.

Did that mean that they'd never know of peace on earth
or the brotherhood of man?
Or know how to love, or know how to give? If they can't, no one can.

You see, life is a very special kind of thing, not just for a chosen few.
But for each and every living breathing thing. Not just me and you.

So in your Christmas prayers this year, Alfie asked me if I'd ask you
to say a prayer for the wind, and the water, and the wood
and those who live there, too.

from home to home and back...

this past holiday week, I made the 12.5 hour (25 hours round trip) trek from Milwaukee to Potomac and back.  that's quite a lot of time in a vehicle alone, and thus my mind decided to wander.  below are some observations from the road and my visit, complete with the quirky randomness I so enjoy...

• the Chicago skyline is awesome regardless of the time of day (or night)
• Gary, Indiana is still a stinkhole
• "Killing an Arab" by the Cure will likely never be heard on US radio (or radio in general) again, but it will on my iPod 
• the "mountains" of Pennsylvania seemed way more daunting when I was six.  I'm sure they're not "mountains" in the true sense
• even though i can make the dish myself, Mom's mac-n-cheese tastes way better when she makes it
• one can never listen to the John Denver & the Muppets Christmas CD enough 
• my nephews are still freakin' cute

• Gavin is my brother's mini-me.  Liam, on the other hand, has channeled is auntie as a two (and three) year old.  I've already apologized for this
• a four year old boy and truly move at the speed of light to avoid "Santa"
• "Santa" was cool as a kid because he brought toys.  he's even cooler as an adult because now he brings bottles of rum
• watching "A Christmas Story" with Mom (while drinking Bailey's) every year never gets old
• screw a white Christmas.  I'll take a 50 degree green Christmas anyday...
• my aunt called me "cutie".  maybe one day it will resonate (I still maintain that tall, linebacker-built people like myself cannot be "cute")
• within a period of two years, I have become taller than my uncle
• compliments are great, especially when they come from unlikely sources
• there is such a thing as "bad" stuffing and "too sweet" sweet potatoes
• the Loss clan is apparently overwhelming even if you're dealt with them for 45 years
• my brother is way more like our dad than he'd care to admit
• in a room full of trains designed to mesmerize children and enthusiasts alike, I find the Cerberus (three-headed dog) train and a sign that reads "No Humping"
• my legs are freakishly short for my height
• Jim Vance is the shit.  I'd have a beer with him
• Mom and I don't like shopping, but we sure love Target 
• despite not living in the area, I still drive like a native Washingtonian and have a pronounced Maryland "o"
• it's still weird for me to see Ravens jerseys all across Maryland.  growing up it was still Redskins country
• Tilted Kilt is better than Hooters.  yes I wrote that
• the only way I'd be able to fit into a Tilted Kilt "uniform" is if I didn't eat for five months.  that's not gonna happen
• my dad asked me how much air I liked in my tires (prior to getting it checked before my return trip).  I almost responded "I like my tires like my men...hard".  parental filter success
• it is possible for a cute, little Scottie to be incredibly annoying.  ask Caye
• Maryland crab cakes are the shit
• it's ok for Rutgers to upset #10 Kansas, but NOT ok for Vandy to upset #13 Marquette in the same evening
• watching Marquette games with Mom rarely turns out favorably
• Mom sent me home with over three dozen cookies.  if she only knew...
• my iPod has a thing for Erasure
• Bryan Adams is still great driving music.  so is Chicago...this chick digs Cetera
• stupid drivers are bred everywhere...slower traffic keep right and pass on the left...fucktards
• it is still necessary to "salute" any billboard promoting Indiana University.  especially if it involves men's basketball (here's why)
• the College Football Hall of Fame is in South Bend...who knew?
• if Newark, New Jersey is the armpit of the USA, then Gary, Indiana is the bunghole
• Chicago rush hour sucks.  Tastykakes made it a little better
• it is possible for a dog to stay awake the duration of a road trip 
• I am incredibly lucky to have fabulous friends and family in my life
• Mom is a truly amazing woman.  I could only hope to handle myself with such positivity, poise and grace as she has
• I am unfortunate enough to have two places I can call home

merry merry...

hoping you and yours are having a wonderful holiday season!

christmas time

there's something about christmas time

that makes your wish it was christmas every day

to see the joy in the children's eyes

the way that the old folks smile

says that christmas will never go away

~ bryan adams, christmas time

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday (well, aside from my birthday - but one could argue that is not a holiday).  The way Mom decorates the house at Christmas, the various aromas of sweet goodies (especially my toffee), visiting with the extended fam (as it's the only time of year I usually see them), playing with my nephews (who are adorable and rock my world)....the list goes on.  There is just something warm and fuzzy about Christmas.  

I will be going back to DC/MD/VA for Christmas this year.  While the warm fuzzies will be there, I can't help to think that this year Christmas will be different yet special.

This year I'll be embarking on a journey I've never done - driving home by myself.   Just me, a Cayenne, 1500 songs on the iPod, 12 hours, six states and 700 miles of highway.  And yes, I know not to stop at the Hardee's on the Ohio Turnpike.  It also marks Cayenne's inaugural trip to the east coast - believe it or not.  I'm sure he'll be entertained by Gus, Mom's errant 1.5 year old Scottie. 

I'll also be at home for a week - something I haven't done this millennium.  Mainly this has been due to lack of PTO (paid time off), lack of a dogsitter, and monetary restraints (dogsitting ain't cheap...neither is airfare).  This year I have the time saved up and driving is cheaper in the long run.  However, there is really only one major reason I'm going for a week this year:  Mom.

As many know, my Mom is battling pancreatic cancer.  On Tuesday, we found out her tumor is currently inoperable (as it's entwined in the artery)...not the Christmas present any of us wanted.  So Mom gets eight weeks of aggressive chemo as a gift....although the docs are hopeful this will shrink the tumor and open the possibility to remove it.  We've all been practicing the same mantra:  hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.  The best gift ever would be successful chemo, tumor removal and remission - even if that would happen a few months late.

Part of the harsh reality is this could be Mom's last Christmas - although I have faith in the doctors/health care professionals at Johns Hopkins, plus Mom's own resilience and positive attitude,  that it won't be. Call it being stubborn or being an eternal optimistic (or a little of both), but Mom will be around for more Christmases and birthdays. Regardless, this will be a special Christmas.

So this holiday season enjoy time with friends, family and loved ones.  Tell them you love them, enjoy their friendship, what have you.  If you've had a falling out with a friends, make amends.  

Life is too short not to cherish it, so savor every moment and make it count. 

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Easter on the fb

Oh social media, what hath thee bestowed upon us now? 

This is the current "facebook challenge" going around:

During this couple of weeks before Easter, I am out to prove that my friends will repost, I hope I am right!!! Easter is not about bunnies and chocolate eggs. Let's lift up God's name and make a statement!! When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of You and Me. If you are not ashamed to call Jesus Christ your savior, copy and repost. I'm not ashamed.

I call myself spiritual.  Raised Catholic, but currently don't follow a specific religion and I honestly don't foresee that changing in the near future.  And if I do, I definitely won't be Catholicism.  In some capacity, religion does some for some people (i.e. sense of community, feeling of belonging, prescribing to a common belief) - I'm just not one of them.  However, I do realize that I have friends and family who prescribe to religion and it is a large part of their lives.  While I may not necessarily agree with their beliefs, it's their prerogative so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat.

That being said, I find this facebook challenge well, uncomfortable.  I always felt religion was a personal thing that was better kept private and not proclaimed from the rooftops - or interwebs.  That's what irks me about this whole "challenge".  Plus, if someone was to post that "Easter is about chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs" I shudder to think about the wrath they would receive from "believers".  Because let's face it, in our society we question non-religious people in their beliefs as if they are deficient in some capacity but it's perfectly acceptable to have "Bible-thumpers" shouting scripture from every place imaginable (whilst picking and choosing what verses to adhere to and what not to).  That's wrong.  Everyone is entitled to his/her beliefs - and not shoving those beliefs down someone else's throat.  Period.

Besides, Easter is really about Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs.

"to the cloud"

For those of you who are not aware, Windows 7 has supposedly created an "easy Photoshop type application" as part of the "Cloud" platform - although the terms "easy" and "Photoshop" usually don't go together for the novice or unexperienced user. As a result, the phrase "to the cloud" was born - as evidenced by the commercial below:

I found this commercial humorous to begin with. However, after seeing the attempts at a Loss family photo this Christmas, "to the cloud" takes on a whole new meaning and is now personal (see below). My apologies to my sister-in-law Kelly - we really didn't give you a lot to work with (and trust me, I know you only shared the "good" ones).

Now that I view these photos, I don't even think "the cloud" could help us....

*sigh*

xmas, DC style

Well, it's now the 3rd day of 2011. The holidays have come and gone; and now it's time to get back to the grind known as "life"....

Yet it's never a bad idea to reminisce about the past, no matter how recent.

I did manage to sneak in a slightly more than 48 hour (52, to be exact) jaunt out to DC to visit the immediate fam for Christmas. The reasons for the short visit include the Caye-guy factor and the "interesting" situation with my parents (which could be a blog entry in and of itself) - oh, and a $135 plane ticket.

I spent Christmas Eve with Mom. Once I got home, I had to call Clyde's to make dinner reservations. Why this fine tradition has been bestowed upon me, I have no idea. But - 10 pm dinner reservations...check. Next on the list: gift wrapping. I started wrapping presents and, in typical fashion, Mom "commented" on my inability to cut a straight line whilst cutting the paper. You try cutting paper on a table not big enough for the gifts. Honestly, I don't think Gavin or Liam or Dad cared (or even noticed). A lot of tape and jagged edges later...gift wrapping complete. This was followed by going to Christmas Eve mass. Now, I am not a church-goer and as a result, I have been referred to as a "Santa Baby", meaning I only go to church on Christmas. Oh well. If it makes Mom happy, I can oblige. Maybe that's why she never objects to listening to "John Denver & the Muppets: A Christmas Together" CD repeatedly. (Note: Best. Christmas. CD. Ever.) Although I should have had Bailey's before mass, not after. Dinner at Clyde's, as always, was fabulous.

Christmas Day began with Mom & I opening presents, and eating sticky buns (and me picking off the icky nuts and giving them to Mom). This year, it was anti-climatic as Mom bought her gift previously (and I still had to wrap it) and I'd already gotten a chunk of mine ($$ for a LCD TV, which has yet to be purchased). However, I am happy to report that my Newsweek subscription is renewed until 2015. Dad came over, and it was off to my brother's for Christmas festivities.

(Yes, my brother hosted us, plus Kelly's mom & Willie, this year. Due to the "stellar" communication skills Dad's family possesses, no one got back to Mom so she decided not to host. Go Mom!)

Once in the car, Dad turned off the Muppets CD. Blasphemy! However, we got my brother's and I told him, so he put the Muppets on repeat. Three times of repeat. All was now well with the world. Well, I'm sure the large quantities of alcohol my brother and I were drinking helped too. I think Liam wanted in on the action too but he was brutally rebuffed.

And what is Christmas without presents? Bring it! Now, when there are a three and one year old around, there are LOTS of presents. It's crazy! My brother and I concluded that when you are an adult child, you get screwed at Christmas. Apparently the fleece blankets I made were a hit, even if Gavin thought the lizards on his blanket were frogs. Frogs, lizards...close enough right? And what Christmas would be complete without a visit from Santa? My only complaint...Santa indirectly called me fat (ummm...Santa could lose a few too). But the kids were entertained - loved it may be too strong of words. See for yourself...

Sunday consisted of watching football...and the Redskins actually winning by a field goal in OT. Funny, that's how they won when I was there in October as well. Oh and monitoring the weather for the blizzard that literally hit the coast. Seriously, DC got about an inch which resulted in safe travels back to Mil-town.

Overall, it was a good Christmas. On some level, I missed seeing my aunts, uncles and cousins even if I really have nothing in common with them. But family is family and there will always be that bond, whether I want it or not. However, seeing Gavin and Liam on Christmas more than made up for it.

Here's hoping you and yours had a happy holidays!

being thankful

A few of my friends have taken on the experiment of writing "30 Days of Being Thankful". Seeing that Thanksgiving is in a few days, I figured I could pseudo bandwagon jump and reflect upon what I'm thankful for (in no particular order)...

my immediate family.

They may be weird. They may be quirky. They put the "fun" in dysfunctional. But in the end, I love them all and wouldn't have it any other way. Individually:

Thanks to Mom & Dad for raising me and allowing me to think for myself and formulate my own opinions & views (even if they are different from theirs).

Thanks to Dad for bestowing me with the computer gene and for my (albeit sometimes off-color) sense of humor, which includes the ability to laugh at myself.

Thanks to Mom for supporting me in my creative endeavors and being a damn good sounding board when needed.

Thanks to Chris (my brother) for being the organized, goal-driven child so I could be me. And providing grandchildren. Seriously, thanks for doing the said "dirty work" as of late.

Thanks to Kelly for putting up with Chris (as well as the rest of the family). I don't know how you do it.

Thanks for Gavin and Liam for being the most freakin' adorable nephews ever. Whatever you choose to do, you'll take the world by storm.

my friends.

I really don't know what I'd do without them. Through good times and bad times, we've shared laughter and tears. We've leaned on each other (in both alcohol and non-alcohol induced states), received/given advice (solicited or otherwise), plotted revenge (legally), dealt with putzes and schmucks, roadtripped far and wide, tripped the Milwaukee club fantastic, visited watering holes, attempted - and then successfully played volleyball...and the list goes on. Sometimes thank you just doesn't seem like it's enough.

my health.

I realize that this sounds strange coming from someone who single-handedly has funded the college education of children of orthopedic surgeons and physical therapists for years. But outside the sports injuries, I am in good health (premier status if you ask my life insurance company), heal quickly from injuries/illness and completely missed the allergy gene that has plagued my immediate family. Plus, any aliments/oddities I may have can be fixed without any major repercussions. However, I should probably consider buying stock in ibuprofen.

my education.

Sure, I bitch about Marquette - even more so as of late. However, my theory-based MU education has allowed me to apply what I've learned to anything else I decide to do. Case in point - a BA in Sociology/Social Welfare usually does not lead to Marketing & Graphics. Surprisingly, that liberal arts knowledge can - and has been - applied in my current field. I don't agree with their views on numerous issues, but what I took away from my four years there are invaluable.

my like of technology.

I'm not one to be afraid of new gadgets, or press buttons on things. Let's face it, you really need technology to survive in our world today. The advent of cell phones and social media has allowed me to keep in better touch with my friends and immediate family. And since I jumped in on the beginning of the social media craze, it's helped me be a major asset at my company. Unfortunately, my like of the stuff also means I am my mom's personal tech support.

my involvement with the k-family.

Minus the last year, the Kiwanis family played a major role in my college and young adult days. It afforded me to meet folks from all across Wisco and the UP, as well as across the country. Some of those folks still remain good friends. It also offered service and leadership opportunities - in fact, Marquette CKI was the first elected leadership position I ever held. Honestly, I probably am the person I am today in part due to my k-family experiences. And after a hiatus, it feels good to be back.

So this Thanksgiving as you gather with family/friends whilst stuffing your face with all the traditional cuisine and watching football (go Lions and whoever's playing the Cowboys), take a moment to give thanks.

♣ Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona Daoibh! ♣

Or for those of you not versed in Gaelic - Happy St. Patrick's Day!

For many, this holiday is much like another New Year's Eve: the revelry, the camaraderie and oh, yes, the drinking. Many partake in these festivities whether or not they are Irish (hey, only some of us can be perfect the rest of the year) and everyone has a grand old time.

However, have you ever wondered about the history behind St. Patrick's Day celebrations and customs?

St. Patrick's Day began as a Catholic holiday and is actually an official feast day. Over the years, the holiday has evolved into one of secular nature and serves as a celebration of Irish heritage and culture.

St. Patrick's Day is in honor of St. Patrick (duh!), a native Brit who was kidnapped by the Irish and taken to Ireland as a slave. At some point, he fled from captivity and returned to Britain. Upon his return, he studied to be a priest and was "called" to Ireland to convert them. Thus, St. Patrick was responsible for introducing Catholicism to the Irish or as they say "chasing the snakes out of Ireland" (and you wondered how Lakefront Brewery came up with the name Snake Chaser for their tasty Irish Stout). According to folklore, he used the shamrock to explain the Holy Trinity (Father, Son & Holy Spirit). As a result, the shamrock continues to be a prominent of St. Patrick's Day celebrations today.

As the Irish immigrated to the USA, St. Patrick's Day observances moved from a religious to a political nature. The first known observance (known as a parade) was in Boston in 1737. Irish immigrant workers marched to make a political statement about how they were not happy with their low social status and their inability to obtain jobs in America. New York City began its observance of the holiday in 1766 with a parade (which started at a tavern) in protest of the unfair treatment of the Irish immigrants. NYC continues to have the largest parade and celebration of St. Patrick's Day outside of Ireland, and it is likely not political in nature. Almost 300 years later, most major cities with historical Irish ancestry also stage parades in celebration; Chicago even dyes the Chicago River green for the festivities.

Today, Saint Patrick's Day is widely celebrated in the US by bloody everyone (Irish or not) by the wearing green-colored clothing and accessories (i.e. boas, funky ass hats). Traditionally, those who are caught not wearing green are pinched affectionately. If you are pinched for not wearing green, you have my permission to kick them in the "lucky charms". If you are wearing a traditional kilt, you can pinch or kick anyone you want...and look authentic doing it (regardless of ancestry).

Another modern-day tradition includes hitting local pubs, taverns and bars (again, Irish or not...in reference to the watering hole and the revelers) at 6 am on St. Patrick's day for free swag and libations (which should include a shot of Jameson). And in the States you'll hear a lot of U2 played. At least in Toronto they'll also play the Cranberries, the Dropkick Murphys and Flogging Molly. "Drunken Lullabies" seems appropriate at about midnight on a day like this.

And why the green? The color originally associated with St. Patrick was blue. However, green is one of the colors on the Irish flag. And that little shamrock has something to do with it as well.

But please, don't drink the green beer. It's an abomination of the holiday. Really. Try a Guinness or Harp.

♣ Sláinte! ♣

yes, seriously....

This morning, I went to the printer to pick up a document I printed (duh!). I look to my left, and lo & behold, I see this ----->

It is just wrong.

It's a Christmas tree. A Christmas tree up in mid-October. Can't we at least get through Halloween (and preferrably Thanksgiving) first?

There are scarecrow-type ornaments adorning it. Who the hell puts scarecrows on a Christmas tree? The tree-topper is an orange bear. I have no problem with a bear in general, but apparently it's been a naughty bear because it's been hung with a noose around its neck.

And the scary snowman in the front of the tree. Emphasis on "snow". Why? The snow will be here soon enough without this encouragement.

I suspect I will have to endure a "Thanksgiving" tree as well, complete with a turkey as the tree-topper.