merry merry...

hoping you and yours are having a wonderful holiday season!

christmas time

there's something about christmas time

that makes your wish it was christmas every day

to see the joy in the children's eyes

the way that the old folks smile

says that christmas will never go away

~ bryan adams, christmas time

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday (well, aside from my birthday - but one could argue that is not a holiday).  The way Mom decorates the house at Christmas, the various aromas of sweet goodies (especially my toffee), visiting with the extended fam (as it's the only time of year I usually see them), playing with my nephews (who are adorable and rock my world)....the list goes on.  There is just something warm and fuzzy about Christmas.  

I will be going back to DC/MD/VA for Christmas this year.  While the warm fuzzies will be there, I can't help to think that this year Christmas will be different yet special.

This year I'll be embarking on a journey I've never done - driving home by myself.   Just me, a Cayenne, 1500 songs on the iPod, 12 hours, six states and 700 miles of highway.  And yes, I know not to stop at the Hardee's on the Ohio Turnpike.  It also marks Cayenne's inaugural trip to the east coast - believe it or not.  I'm sure he'll be entertained by Gus, Mom's errant 1.5 year old Scottie. 

I'll also be at home for a week - something I haven't done this millennium.  Mainly this has been due to lack of PTO (paid time off), lack of a dogsitter, and monetary restraints (dogsitting ain't cheap...neither is airfare).  This year I have the time saved up and driving is cheaper in the long run.  However, there is really only one major reason I'm going for a week this year:  Mom.

As many know, my Mom is battling pancreatic cancer.  On Tuesday, we found out her tumor is currently inoperable (as it's entwined in the artery)...not the Christmas present any of us wanted.  So Mom gets eight weeks of aggressive chemo as a gift....although the docs are hopeful this will shrink the tumor and open the possibility to remove it.  We've all been practicing the same mantra:  hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst.  The best gift ever would be successful chemo, tumor removal and remission - even if that would happen a few months late.

Part of the harsh reality is this could be Mom's last Christmas - although I have faith in the doctors/health care professionals at Johns Hopkins, plus Mom's own resilience and positive attitude,  that it won't be. Call it being stubborn or being an eternal optimistic (or a little of both), but Mom will be around for more Christmases and birthdays. Regardless, this will be a special Christmas.

So this holiday season enjoy time with friends, family and loved ones.  Tell them you love them, enjoy their friendship, what have you.  If you've had a falling out with a friends, make amends.  

Life is too short not to cherish it, so savor every moment and make it count. 

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

the ex

Sometimes this song conveys exactly how I'm feeling, especially the chorus...

And while I know that I'm a fighter who's too busy to sit down and lament, I know it's okay to do so sometimes...

the break-up

It's not the break-up that's the hardest...

it's the period after the break-up.

This is not to say a break-up is easy.  It's not; especially when you still have feelings for that person.  However, I've resigned to believing it's just one of those things we have to endure.  People change, situations change.  And in this case, change sucks.

I don't understand how two people can be in a relationship for two years, and then in a period of one month (at least from what I can tell), determine that "I only like you as a friend".   Although I received reassurance that it wasn't because I was unattractive or had a crappy personality, the ego still took a hit.  It's pretty much par for the course when you get dumped - especially when it seems to have come from left field.

For better or worse, I am exceptional over-analyzing things.  And in doing so, I question my actions, wonder what I did wrong and if there was anything I could have done to prevented it.  While it's probably not good psychologically that I have gone back to re-read messages, I keep thinking  I'll find something I missed.  And when I find that "something", I'll be able to come to a conclusion.  It would have been a lot easier if I HAD a reason, an answer to the question "why?".  Ironically, I can't get an answer from a person who needs a logical answer for everything. 

Thus, I have my theories.   Being alone with my thoughts is not a good thing at this time, as it leads to speculations.  Since I was cheated on previously, my default is to think there is another woman - regardless of lack of anything to substantiate this.  There is also the "fright or flight" theory.  Of course, I could (and probably should) take it at face value and accept that we were just meant to be friends. 

That in and of itself is frustrating.  The other part is the "we'll still be friends and hang out and stuff" line.  Now, I know it's possible to be friends with your exes, as I am friends will all of mine (minus THE ex-hole).  And yes, I would like to "be friends and hang out and stuff". I realize the period after the break-up is less than two weeks in and it moving into the "friend zone" does take time.  There are moments where I wish we could just fast-forward to that.  Of course, I do have moments where I'd just like to kick him in the nuts (because it might make me feel better) but these surprisingly are few.

The hardest part is when realizing we were in contact daily for the duration (including when I was in Spain for two weeks in 2010) and suddenly that is gone.  Not to be morbid, but it's almost like someone you cared about died.  You miss them and they're no longer a part of your life.  And I feel there's not much I can do about it right now.

I just wish I knew the truth, the reason. Yes, the truth might hurt.  But the not knowing "why" hurts more.

three months....

I know y'all have been on the edge of your seat waiting for the three month update of my 2011 birthday wishes.  But let's face it....even if you haven't you're getting it anyway....

2011 Birthday Wishes (original):

• procure a MacBook - yes, I am asking for one for Christmas.  no, I will not likely get one.  however, these is money from the tax return.... 
• amp up physical activity - well, I found out where some yoga classes are - now I just need to get off my ass and go to them.  I've also gone on two bike rides (9 & 12 miles) despite not being on a bike in over five years.  of course, the timing would have been better if I discovered the biking in the spring instead of the fall.
• try to eat better - baby steps!  I have been eating more salads and soup for lunch (a sneaky way for me to get veggies).  but seriously, I love me some chicken wings.
• attempt to be culinary - now that I'm single again, I've been forced to cook again.  this usually translates as "empty contents of package into bowl, add water and microwave for five minutes".  at least I add veggies.
• embrace my curls - when my hair was long, I was good at doing this.  however, on Wednesday I got six inches hacked off.  the new style is not conducive to curls (read:  I don't like it curly with this style).
• beat my brother in "Words with Friends" - 13 August bitches!  sad part is I haven't won since.
• travel somewhere besides DC & Chicago - rumor has it I might be going to New Orleans in June.  I will go to NOLA dammit!
• see Wisco Gov. Scott Walker get recalled - this process has started in Wisco.  I know, I got my first volunteer phone call yesterday from United Wisconsin.
• increase social media knowledge - I'm still a geek. and since it's part of my job, they'll pay for me to go to seminars on this topic.
• engage in artistic endeavors - I take random pics with my iPhone (I love my iPhone) but that doesn't count.  the winter endeavor is to tile my "east side special" coffee table.
• continue to promote rjl creative -  this will happen...I know it.  when friends ask if you do freelance and refer their friends to you, that helps.  a lot.
• become involved with APBT & AmStaff dog rescue/advocacy - similar to yoga classes - I know where events are I just need to get to one.
• that my mom wins her battle with pancreatic cancer - her last treatment is today!  and she's has limited side effects so this is great...so far so good :)

initial thoughts

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss

 I wrote down my thoughts before we had "the talk" on Friday 28 October - just so I could be coherent and remember to say everything I felt I needed to.  Despite running on waves of emotion, I think I managed to stay fairly rational.  Perhaps I am showing signs of maturity after all.

========

I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with any words Wednesday night.  I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks and there’s really no easy recovery from that, plus I needed time to process the situation.  Then I got the message saying you picked up “some” of your stuff, but when I got home it appeared like “all” of your stuff.  There was the second ton of bricks.

Needless to say, I’ve gone through a myriad of emotions in the past couple days.  I’ll start with the one that’s easier for me to convey:  anger.  I was angry that you went into my apartment without me there to get your stuff for two reasons (both from my perspective) – 1) it violated my personal space, with things being as they are and 2) it implied that talking was pointless as your decision appeared to be made.  I understand that you wanted your stuff – and rightfully so – but the collection of it could have waited until we talked.  

I don’t know what to call the other emotion – a hybrid of sadness/depression/fear.  As probably know, I have quite a few insecurities – despite how I may appear in public.  So when I heard “not attracted to you in that way” (likely a paraphrase) I automatically revert to the thought “I am not attractive” and then the feelings of self-doubt sink in.  I know it’s something I have to conquer myself, but it’s my current frame of mind.  I’m sure this part of the reason that I didn’t eat dinner Wednesday night.  Either that or I exerted my energy crying versus getting off the couch to make dinner.

Yes, I cried.  A lot.  Why?  I was pretty much an emotional wreck.  I felt like my heart was ripped out and then stomped on.  And one of my greatest fears is being alone.  Kisses from Caye and sleeping with Poppy (my first teddy bear) helped, but can only do so much.

I probably should clarify what I meant when I said “I’m fine with the way things are”.  What I meant I was:  fine with being boyfriend/girlfriend, and not having to take our relationship to “the next stage” – whatever that is.  I know that our friends “nosiness” (read: asking questions about our relationship) was stressful for both of us, and that neither one of us really knew how to deal with/communicate how we felt about it. However, I really hope the nosiness did not play a factor in your decision.  I also knew you needed space (and that you relish it somewhat), so I wanted to give you that.  In hindsight, we probably should have talked about this earlier.  

This next part you may not want to hear, but I need to tell you.  I still have feelings for you beyond friendship.  (This would also explain the crying.) What I do know is that I simply enjoy being with you, even if it is just watching TV.

However, I’d rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life as all.  Besides, every Packers fan needs a Bears fan to rip on.

big foot

As a child, I remember my brother and I making fun of the shoes Dad wore.  I must clarify here.  Dad rarely ever had "normal" gym shoes (read: white or black colored).  No, they always seemed to be some hideous green (and I like green) or a blue/yellow combination, similar to that of the LA Rams NFL uniforms in the 1980s.  These were really the ugliest gym shoes I've seen in my life.

Now, Dad never claimed to be fashion forward - and indeed, he wasn't. He also found it entertaining to embarrass me and my brother, and almost anyone he could.  Thus, we just chalked it up to him being a fashion idiot and wanting to embarrass his children whilst wearing "clown shoes".

Perhaps I should also mention that Dad wears a size 14-15 shoe.  Of course, as a kid, you don't comprehend that it might be a pain to find a shoe in that size - you just think "I have to be seen with him wearing THOSE shoes".  Thankfully Mom wore a much more "normal" size 9 women's shoe - at least her shoes were acceptable.  This also meant I had a chance of not being a big foot.

In all honestly, I still did have a slight fear of wearing "clown shoes".  I wore a size 10 when I was nine years old, and I was maybe 4 ft 8.  Eventually, I grew a little over a foot in total and then a size 10 didn't look ridiculous on my frame.  Although finding that size can prove to be a pain, as I went to a DSW in Maryland and there were on four size 10s in the whole store.  I was also told by a vendor in Valencia, Spain I had big feet - never mind that I was at least a head taller than him.  WTF?  But I've resigned to life with a lesser shoe variety and some random "big foot" comment.  After two decades, you just deal.

Until Mom decides to tell me that your feet literally grow for the rest of your life.  Really? That can't be....or I was really, really hoping it couldn't be.  Then a couple weeks later, my right big toe begins hurting me when I wore my gym shoes.  I figured it was just an ingrown toenail and took care of it.  The annoyance continued.  I needed new gym shoes anyway, so I head to the store.  Try on the size 10.  Sure as shit, that's the issue.  My stupid feet have grown into a size 11.  With my big foot shoes in tow, I head to a (less painful) fitness camp.

First, I hate it when Mom is right - even if it's something as trivial as a shoe size.  Second, finding a 10 was hard enough.  An 11?  That's a bitch and a half.  You really have to take what you can get - and hopefully, they'll be somewhat fashionable, comfortable and not totally butt-ugly.   Third, I have some idea of what Dad went and still goes through shoe-wise.  LA Rams shoes were probably the only option he had back in the day.  

Thankfully, the internet has wonderful sites that carry size 11s.  I know, I have to start replacing my vast (ha ha ha) shoe collection.  However, my feet better not grow anymore.

Maybe that's why I'm not a fan of shoes. 

hi camp, i've missed you!

On Saturday, I returned to what we, in the Wisconsin-Upper Michigan Kiwanis family, refer to as "one of the happiest places on earth" - Camp Wawbeek in Wisconsin Dells. 

Camp Wawbeek is an Easter Seals camp designed for children and adults with physical, developmental and cognitive disabilities.  I first because acquainted with Camp (as it is affectionately called) as a college sophomore and a member of the Marquette CKI club.  CKI attends Camp every fall and spring to close the camp for winter and open it for summer, respectively, by performing various projects from cutting wood to cleaning out the pool to raking leaves to....well, you get the idea.  

I had pretty much made a yearly (if not more frequent) pilgrimage to Camp since then; that is until my "resignation" as CKI administrator.  After 2.5 years,  I decided to return to Camp, and subsequently, my K-Family involvement

I learned two thing upon my return to Camp:

• I don't miss being CKI administrator.  I believe it was something I already knew, but sometimes that reality needs to smack you in the face.  Yes, I enjoyed my time in that position, but it sure was nice to be able to go and bask in the specialness that is Camp without the responsibilities (namely being in charge of 100 some college students and operating on a caffeine IV with minimal sleep).  I came to do some service, attend a Foundation meeting and socialize - and then I left.  I also was able to take in the fall colors and enjoy the calm quiet of my rural surroundings.  I love my concrete jungle, but once in a while I do embrace a change in scenery.
• I did miss being involved in the K-Family in both the social and service aspect.  I reconnected with people I hadn't seen in 2.5 years.  Granted I've communicated with them via e-mail for WIUM KDF business, but that's not quite the same.  We call it K-"Family" for a reason; I literally felt like the "long lost cousin" at the board meeting (by those who I've known before).  And speaking of board meetings, I strangely missed them.  I know, I'm weird.  But I guess it's kind of like being a Cubs fan; once it's in your blood it's near impossible to get it out.  Although, I did forget one aspect - people like to "volunteer" you for positions.  Thus, I am now Marketing Co-Chair for the Foundation.  Yikes!

Overall, it was great to be back in the loop again. And thanks to Diane, Jan, Janet, Paul, Pierski and of course, Ken for welcoming me back with open arms.  I can guarantee it will not be 2.5 years before I visit again!

a 9.11 perspective

9/11 is to us as to what JFK's assasination is to our parents.  As our parents can immediately answer the question - "Where were you when JFK was shot?", we can do the same for "Where were you when the Towers were hit?".  

I remember the day vividly.  It was a gorgeous, sunny day, highs in the 70s with a slight breeze. - a day perfect for playing hookie.  But alas, I had to attend a training at Children's Service Society of Wisconsin (this was back in my non-profit/social service days).  Before I left my office, I already knew about the first tower being hit, but chalked it up to a mechanical malfunction.  The reality of a terrorist attack on US soil was far-fetched at 8:00 am CDT on 11 September 2001.  During the drive over the second tower was hit but I was listening to a CD - probably one of the few oblivious Americans at this point.  I walked into CSSW and then I found out about the Pentagon.  I recall the receptionist asking, "Are you ok, because you just turned white."  I responded with, "My parents live just outside DC" whilst thinking "Holy shit my mom works at Navy."  

Upon recovering from the shock, I was actually pissed.  How dare anyone attack the city of my birth and the metro area where my family lives?  What the hell did we do to deserve this?  After my minute internal tirade, I tried to call my parents via cell - to be greeted by the Gene Mueller (the radio newsguy) telling me that all cell service was shut off into DC as it might trigger another attack.  I proceeded back to work, still somewhat dazed.  

Then I read an e-mail from my mom:  "Both towers were hit.  The Pentagon was hit.  We are running on generators.  They are evacuating all non-essential personnel.  We're shaken, but I'm ok." 

This began my six-hour attempt to reach my parents via land line.  Finally, at 3:30 CDT, I got a hold of my mom.  Still shaken, but still ok. 

On that day, the reality of feeling safe on our home soil had been shattered. And the public wondered if we would ever be safe again.

Yes, the TSA has stepped up airline passenger protocol in an effort to ease our minds.  While I think we probably should have been showing an ID to fly in the first place, not being able to bring a larger than 3 oz bottle of contact lens solution is a little drastic.  I understand the theory and what the TSA is trying to do, but let's face it.  If a terrorist really wants to smuggle an explosive or weapon on an airplane, they will find a way to do it - it just won't be as easy.

Yet in global comparison, America was and still is a safe country.  Car bombs don't go off.  There isn't violent unrest between neighboring nations.  Our water and food supply is generally parasite free.  We don't face the penalty of death for having different beliefs.  In the grand scheme, we are a fortunate nation. 

Ten years later, we continue to honor all those who perished in the attacks - from the first responders at what is now Ground Zero to the passengers on Flight 93 to the victims of circumstance at the Pentagon.  In a sense, it could referred to another "day that will live in infamy".  And while I don't think we should forget the events of that day, the media (as it sometimes has a tendency to do) went a little overboard.  I don't think that makes me any less of a citizen of this country for thinking that.  

However, it has been said (numerous times on Sunday and leading up to that day), that 9.11 brought a sense of patriotism and unity to the country.  I'd like to believe so but sadly,  I don't think it has.  Sure "God Bless America" is now sung at sporting events all around the country.  Singing this anthem doesn't make one automatically patriotic as sitting in a garage doesn't automatically make you a car.  There are still people out there who believe all Muslims are responsible for the events of that day, even though the reality is it was a group of radical extremists using religion to further their propaganda, as sick and hateful as it may be.  The same goes for Christian extremist who claim to act in the name of God.  That doesn't sound like unity to me.  

Once we are able to accept differences in others (i.e. race, creed, accent, religious beliefs, cultures, sexual orientation) and learn from these differences, only then will we even be able to begin on the path to a true United States of America. 

birthday wishes 2011 - revised

What a difference a week makes...

While I still intend to adhere to the list (which you can view here), but one wish needs to be added to the very top of the list:  

that my mom wins her battle with pancreatic cancer.

On Saturday, the news hit like a ton of bricks - and it wasn't easy to fully absorb.  In fact, the reality hit about 1:30 am Tuesday when I finally cried (and generally, I'm not a crier).  That's when I stopped asking "why my mom?"  and realized this energy needed to go to support my mom in any way possible.  Right now, I think my "support" is coming in the forms of:  strength and encouragement, a sounding board and comic relief (go figure).  But her daughter saying funny, stupid shit will play a role in her recovery.

Thankfully, my mom is resilient and determined (or as I like to say "a strong stubborn German woman" - yes, that is a compliment - and if anyone can beat this it's a strong, stubborn German woman).  She is also receiving some of the best health care in the world at Johns Hopkins, so I know medically she is good hands.  And either my dad, brother or sister-in-law (and sometimes all three) are going with her to the appointments - which undeniably helps.  Plus, she has her faith.  If you are one of those praying types, my mom would greatly appreciate them.  If not - please send good vibes and happy, healing thoughts her way. 

Most importantly, my mom is staying in good spirits (all things considered) and is living her life to the fullest.  I'm believing she's one of the less that 10% that beats the disease, but I've learned rather quickly to savor every moment of life while you can fully enjoy it.  

have foot, will travel

For quite some time (at least a year), I have been contemplating going car-free.

Seriously.

Living on Milwaukee's "fashionable" east side, I've realizing almost everything I need on a daily basis is within a mile - drug store, grocery store, nightlife, entertainment and even volleyball.  My only reservation was commuting 12 miles to work, as MCTS sometimes does not have the greatest routes or schedules.

Then I decided it would be fun to rear-end a car on I-94 a week ago, and my car decided to retaliate by overheating on Tuesday.  Apparently this is what happens when one demolishes the engine cooling fan in said accident.  Since the car is not drivable (and the bf is conveniently with his car in Minnesota), enter the "big green bus" or the scary world of public transit.

The last time I had to commute to work was when I was living in Bay View - the commute took an hour long bus ride and a 3/4 mile walk.  In the rain (ok, it really did rain once).  And that was a straight shot.  I couldn't imagine how hellish an East Side to West Allis commute would be.  Turns out, it's not so bad even with a transfer downtown.  The #44 Freeway Flyer is a wonderful thing that drops/picks up 3 blocks from work.  It's only a couple blocks between the transfer points, it only live a block away from the bus stop (about 10 blocks total, if you're keeping track) and...it only adds 30 minutes to my total commute.  For real.  But the best part?  I can listen to my iPod, play games or facebook while someone else drives - and I get to be "entertained" by the sights, such as crazy bus riders and bubble gum pink Audis.

I got to thinking:  maybe this IS actually possible.

But what about running errands or grocery shopping or dog food?  

Well, I thought about that too.   I work walking distance to a 'big-box" grocery store, so I can stock the work fridge with lunches.   Plus, I tend to lean toward the European way of grocery shopping - stopping by the store daily to get what you need (and guarantee it's fresh - part of the theory, not necessarily me). There are friends I can probably con into driving me to get dog food or to Target, or to Target to get dog food - for a nominal fee (read: lunch at Arby's).  And there is this little thing called ZipCar, where you can reasonably "rent" a car by the hour - conveniently located on UWM's campus.  For longer trips, there's always Enterprise.  But realistically, I've grown fond of the "pedestrian lifestyle" and tend to walk wherever I can.  Plus, most of the time I do things "in da hood" or I persuade someone else to drive.

Yes, I am still thinking this is possible.  And that it still makes sense.

Globally, I'd be leaving my "carbon footprint" and being eco-friendly - but really, I'm viewing that as an added bonus.  Economically, I would save about $380/month ($4500/year) by not having a car.  That's a number one can't argue with - who wouldn't want an extra chunk of money each month?  Emotionally (aka sanity), driving and other drivers piss me off causing me not to enjoy the experience.  Leaving it to someone else helps me maintain (at least some) stability.  And sanity - in any arena - is a good thing.

This isn't to say that living a car-free lifestyle is permanent.   However, right now it seems to be the way to go.

Seriously.

look who's 10!

Over Memorial Day weekend 2002, my life changed forever when a nine month old pup entered my home...and my heart.

To be honest, I wasn't the one who initially noticed Cayenne online - and I was a bit hesitant to get another dog.  Upon further research I learned that he had already been in and out of two homes, and was searching for his "forever home".  Then I was sucked in by those big, brown eyes and big, goofy smile.  There was no doubt in my mind that Cayenne would be my dog.

Cayenne arrived in Wisconsin via plane from California.  His plane ticket was more than he was.  When he touched ground, he was skittish - and understandably so.  I mean, how would you feel if you were just shipped off 2000 miles away?  In fact, I'm told he peed in the car on the way home.  I finally met him after work that Friday, and Caye greeted me the adorable clumsiness of a pup still trying to grow into his body.  This would likely explain many of my "mystery bruises" those first few months.

Over the nest few weeks, Caye settled into his new digs nicely -although I did need to teach him that the sniffing of the crotch is not an appropriate greeting for humans (and yes, once in a while we still need to work on that) and that shoes are not toys.  It was also apparent Caye was indeed my dog.  If you remember the My Buddy doll ads, that was Caye and I - he was pretty much surgically attached to me whenever I was home.

Since he was always underfoot, I had plenty of opportunity to observe Caye's personality.  He has to be one of the most curious (read:  "little shit"), gentlest, happiest and friendliest dogs I've ever known.  Trust me, he tries to make friends with all animals (see above pics).  Because of this, I still wonder why his first two owners didn't want him.  Maybe it's because he's a "bully breed" (read:  American Pit Bull, American Staffordshire and like breeds) and was stereotyped as a "fighter" - which he is obviously not.  Maybe they didn't want a family dog or didn't want to care for him.  Maybe they couldn't deal with the clumsiness and training of a puppy.  Whatever the reason, I'll never know.  I'll also never know what the first nine months of his life were like - although I have some suspicions.  Despite that, Caye easily forgave the actions of his previous owners (as dogs do) by trusting and accepting me with open paws.  What I do know is that Cayenne ended up where he was supposed to be.

And while I was there for Caye by giving him a forever home, he's been there for me too. During my whole divorce ordeal, he was the best listener and snuggler ever.  We mourned the loss of Lily (his older sister) together.  Caye also laid by me after my knee surgery (careful not to actually touch the knee) to make sure I was okay...although never completely understood why I couldn't take him for a walk.   Yes, dogs are amazingly intuitive.  Dogs also possess and provide unconditional love, despite all your idiosyncrasies.  If you don't believe this, you must witness how Caye reacts when I come home from work (or taking out the garbage).  To be honest, I love the big guy too - quirks and all.  These quirks include, but are not limited to:  a fondness for black labs, regardless of gender; the need to turn around three times before retiring on the bed for the night and the propensity to rip the faces off all his stuffed toys. 

Cayenne has also served as a fantastic ambassador (ambassadog) for his breed.  People compliment me on what a sweet and well-behaved boy he is - usually after they comment on how muscular and handsome he is.  I mean, how can you resist that smile and wagging tail (which actually wiggles his whole body)?  Cayenne was socialized from his beginnings with me, and is always willing to meet other dogs and people as well as tag along on public excursions.  His favorites include the farmer's market and the Palomino, not only because of the "sniff stops" and affection from folks, but because of the very good chance he'll get bacon.  (Ok, maybe it's really because of the bacon).  Regardless of the motive, Caye's charming and endearing demeanor - plus good looks and positive attitude - has won over skeptics and changed more than a few minds about the perception of the breed.  That was never my intent, but Caye is indeed a "poster dog" for all that is good in "bully breeds".

Nine years later, Cayenne is (finally) showing signs of his age by mellowing a bit and white hair on his face while still maintaining the curiosity and playfulness of a puppy, and of course, his undeniable zest for life.  He is the best pup anymore could ask for...and I wouldn't trade him for the world. 

Happy 10th birthday big guy! 

palin = moron

Last fall, Sarah Palin characterized Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" anti-obesity campaign as an assault on individual rights.

"What she is telling us is that we can't trust parents to make decisions for their families in what we should eat," Palin told radio host Laura Ingraham. "Instead of a government thinking that they need to take over and make decisions for us according to some politician or politician's wife priorities, just leave us alone."

So tell me, how is this different from the GOP taking over and attempting to force legislation to dictate women's reproductive rights? 

Fucking idiot.

quote from this article

that little hardware store

Birthdays tend to make one nostalgic...and apparently I am no exception. 

As I walked by the True Value on Downer Avenue Sunday afternoon, I was reminded how similar it was to Poch's Hardware in the Village (Potomac, MD).  Like the True Value, Poch's was nestled between a grocery store, restaurant and specialty shops.

Poch's was your quintessential neighborhood store.  I remember going to Poch's with my dad back in the day (prior to the big-box home store explosion) if he needed potting soil, nuts & bolts, lumber, etc.  Mr. Poch was behind the counter and he always had time to chat with the customers (and give a lollipop to the kids - it was a time this behavior was not considered "creepy").   I'm sure this "Village friendliness" has affected me - today I seem to small talk with cashiers at the store. 

In my high school years, I worked at a Hallmark store (which I blame for my like of funky pens) - one of those shops nestled in the Village, like Poch's.  And more than once, my dad would call and ask me to pick up something at Poch's, "because I was right there".  I should probably thank them for teaching me about drill bits, saw blades and other assorted tools. 

Sadly, Poch's closed near the turn of the century.  The Village reinvented itself and began catering to more "upscale" clientele, and I'm sure insurgence of Home Depot & Lowe's didn't help either.

However, I'll fondly remember Poch's and it's piece in my history of the Village. 

birthday wishes 2011

soybean wishes & dreams

On Tuesday, I will celebrate my (undisclosed age here) birthday.  And I've learned yet again, it doesn't matter how old you are - your mother will still ask "what do you want for your birthday?"

This year I actually had an answer:  a MacBook.  I think I'm just going to get a check, which undoubtedly will end up going toward something else.

So with that segue, I give you my birthday wishes of 2011:

• procure a MacBook - did I mention I really want one of these?  
• amp up physical activity - hashing, boot camp and volleyball are great...but maybe get back into yoga?
• try to eat better - as an admitted "junk food junkie", sometimes it's a chore to sneak salads in there (because a cheeseburger & tots sounds so much better) even though I actually don't mind salads.
• attempt to be culinary - stop laughing.  I mean it- I've even considered taking a class.  Damn you Food Network and shows like "Chopped"!
• embrace my curls - as a friend put it "learn to love the hair you're in!"  I will say this "embracing" makes getting ready in the morning uber-easy.
• beat my brother in "Words with Friends" - he gets all the good letters, I swear.
• travel somewhere besides DC & Chicago - love those places, but I also want to explore somewhere new (or revisit Toronto).
• see Wisco Gov. Scott Walker get recalled - that would be a happy day!
• increase social media knowledge - I'm a geek.  I like this stuff.
• engage in artistic endeavors - painting, photography, drawing....I need to be creative at home, even if I'm that way at work too (because it's a different type of creative).
• continue to promote rjl creative -  this will happen.  Although I'm toying with a name change to "marketing & design" or naming it after Caye with a % of the proceeds going to dog rescues, which leads to....
• become involved with APBT & AmStaff dog rescue/advocacy - if you've met Cayenne, you understand why.

A few less than last year but this year, most of these "wishes" are actually attainable (2010's playing the bass and world peace, not so much).  The "Words with Friends" one might be kind of tough - does anyone have a portable Scrabble dictionary I can borrow?

keep your post to yourself

A recent Facebook post:

Can anyone tell me why it is so hard to pray, but easy to swear? Why gangs are growing and churches are shrinking? Why it is so hard to re-post a Christian status, but easy to post gossip? Why we can worship a celebrity, but not Jesus? Gonna ignore this? The Lord said, if you deny Me in front of your friends, I will deny you in front of my Father. Re-Post if you're not afraid of what your friends will think.

People are entitled to their own beliefs (even if I don't necessarily agree); and I am also entitled to mine.  However, when it comes to the topic of religion it is the skeptics, non-believers and those questioning their faith who are often ostracized by the religious right for their beliefs.  Yes, someone has every right to post and believe in the above - thanks to the First Amendment.  In turn, I have the same right to disagree with and refute the above, so I will.

Can anyone tell me why it is so hard to pray, but easy to swear? 

In my case, yes I can.  I don't pray.  To be honest, I never did.  All those times growing up when I was supposed to be praying in church (such as after communion), I was people watching; often making mental notes of hideous outfits and seeing if I knew anyone.  Years later, I do the exact same thing when I attend Christmas mass with my mom (which I now view as part of my Christmas gift to her).  

The whole concept of prayer somewhat astounds me.  How can someone ask for help, guidance or anything  to an entity that may or may not exist?  If you need or want something, shouldn't you do everything in YOUR power to achieve it?  On some level, I view praying as a version of "passing the buck".  What I mean by that is some people "leave it up to God" and make no real effort on their part to achieve the end goal, or any effort to improve themselves.  This is not to say that everyone who prays does this - I know plenty of people who do pray and are quite industrious and ambitious in their efforts. But to not take full responsibility for your choices and your life seems quite juvenile. 

As for the easy to swear part, I find swearing somewhat therapeutic at times (i.e. when I totally botch a set at volleyball).  Plus "fuck" is one of the most versatile words in the American English language.

 

Why it is so hard to re-post a Christian status, but easy to post gossip? 

This is easy to answer.  First, I have always viewed religion to be a private matter.  What you believe is fine and good, but for fuck's sake (note the versatility), I don't need to know about it.  And it seems those who are the most adamant about shouting their beliefs from the rooftops are the ones trying to compensate for something else - perhaps their "unChristian-like" behaviors.  That could be another blog entirely (and likely will be in the future).  In reality, I cannot tell you the religious belief (or lack of) of most my friends.  Honestly, I really don't care what your beliefs are - until you attempt to shove your beliefs down my throat.  Overall, my more religious friends have been good about not over-broadcasting their beliefs - although the posting of these status messages are pushing the line, in my opinion.

Second, if you're not Christian - and trust me not everyone is, despite what you may be led to believe - it's damn easy not to re-post (or post) a Christian status. And as a side note, why don't the Jewish feel compelled to post a Jewish status?

Third, I may enjoy gossip but I do not post it on Facebook or any other social media outlet. 

Why we can worship a celebrity, but not Jesus? 

The act of worship is to show reverence and adoration for a deity; or to treat (someone or something) with the reverence and adoration appropriate to a deity.  Essentially, putting them on a pedestal.  Yes, it is true that some people do worship celebrities, but that is not the norm (and on some level, these said people might need some professional help).  While I may admire some celebrities for their talent and/or using their clout to promote the greater good or causes I believe in, it's not worship.  Of course, this is presuming Jesus did indeed exist.  If not, how is worshiping an "idea" any worse than worshiping a celebrity?  At least the celebrity as a living, breathing human being that indeed exists.

The Lord said, if you deny Me in front of your friends, I will deny you in front of my Father.

Going out on a limb, I guessing this is stated in the Bible.  However, Christianity (as well as other religions) tend to pick and choose what scripture to follow.  For example, the Bible also states the punishment for adultery is the stoning the "guilty" party on his/her front porch.  I personally did not do it (as fun as it might have been), nor do I see it as a common punishment in this day and age.  

At a place of employment, you can't pick and choose what responsibilities you decide to fulfill; you need to perform ALL of them.  Shouldn't it be the same for a religion? 

Re-Post if you're not afraid of what your friends will think.

I am sure some will be angered or offended by this train of thought.  However, I'm not afraid of what my friends think...that's why I wrote this blog.

And as you can see, it was WAY to long to post in a status message or note.

2010 wishes...looking back

In a mere three weeks from today, I will not be moving into another age demographic as I embark on another year of life.  However, those who know my birth year know how old I'm turning.  Please don't mention the number, even though I think I've come to terms with it.

About a year ago, I wrote my "birthday wishes 2010" list.  I figure now's as good of time as any to see if any of these wishes did indeed come true.....

• promote/develop my freelance design "business" (using that term loosely) - It may always be a work in progress (as design and the creative process usually is) but my rjl creative site is completed and fully operational.  It even gets updated on occasion. Now I just need to get word out that I am accepting freelance jobs.   So again...if you know anyone that needs a graphics/communications person....(wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
• a MacBook -  I still want one - it will complement my iPhone quite nicely.  Although, I did ask my dad if he knew of anyone selling one.  As much as I want a new one, I doubt I can afford it.
• take more photographs (those of the artsy, landscape variety) - If I stopped playing with my iPhone as of late, I would probably do this more.  Overall, I took less photos than I would have liked.  However, I did take some cool cemetery shots - which I will eventually upload.
• learn to play bass - I have to laugh at this one.  I never touched a bass (instrument or fish variety).  Oh well.
• catch up with friends I haven't seen much in the past year - I think I have either talked to, e-mailed, texted or IMed almost everyone.  Success!
• keep in touch with friends I actually see - Again, thanks go to: Baker's Square, Brady Street, Wrigleyville and Tracks Tavern (oh, and beer) plus Summerfest, Ale House and WH3 for making this possible. I like this social butterfly thing...
• visit friends in faraway places - specifically those in Florida, Arizona and Connecticut - who I keep promising I'll visit - Epic fail.  I made it to Chicago.  That's not too impressive.  Actually, it's kind of pathetic.
• teleportation to see said friends and my nephews more often - Maybe since we no longer have the space shuttle program, we can work on this.  Is teleportation really even possible?
• travel internationally without my mom - Ha ha ha....
• the adapter thingie that allows you to use your iPod in the car - It still works!  The iPod, however, has been tempermental as of late.
• a Wii Fit - I changed this to a LCD-TV...and I got one!  Success!
• lose that last 20 lbs - I still have a strong refusal to step on the scale and look at the number, so perhaps a number goal was a poor choice.  I can tell you my clothes are looser and four people in the past week asked me if I lost weight.  I'll take it as a success...
• manage my finances more effectively - Much better than in recent memory.  My only debt is my car and surgery bill (only $1200 left!!!).  I won't mention the amount owed on the car.
• actually watch some shows I've DVRed -  Not an epic fail, but I'm just not good a this.  I figure I'll live if this isn't successful.  Although I fully intent to watch the DVRed WWC semi after work.
• become more involved with the K-Family again - Dues paid! Now if I could make it to a scheduled event.   However, the CKI segment still continues to think I never existed. It still stings, but it's their loss (pun intended).
• world peace (sorry I had to) - I guess there's always that one wish/goal that would be great if it happens, but likely never, ever will.
• instead of complaining about something, do something to change it - I think I complain less.  This might be because I attempt to do something before it gets that far.
• give up diet Dew - I was good for a while.  I think I just drink more Dew in the summer.  However, it's only one a day and no where near the 12-pack/day habit.  Baby steps, right?

Overall, I feel I was successful.  I stumbled a bit at times, but that's part of life.  

As this year draws to a close, I'm excited to see what next year will bring...and what I'll wish for in 2011 (to be revealed in a couple weeks).