nfl: a strange beast

Michael Vick is currently the leading vote-getter for the NFL MVP. And people are going fucking nuts about it.

Vick and his cohorts operated Bad Newz kennel - a kennel that abused pit bulls and bred them as bait for dogfighting rings, as well as funded the gambling side of the operation. In 2007, he pled guilty to federal charges in the dog fighting investigation (amongst a slew of minor state and federal charges). Additionally he was suspended by the NFL due to his illegal, cruel and reprehensible behavior - and filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. He served almost two years in federal prison and was required to provide to a fund for the care and rehabilitation of the dogs rescued from his kennel. (Note: of the 51 dogs rescued, only four were euthanized. Over half of the remaining dogs now have permanent homes).

I understand the backlash against Vick; backlash from animal rights groups, no-kill shelters, the general populous. This is largely because we can all relate. After all, almost all of us has had encounters house pets at one time or another, and those of us who own pets consider them part of the family. And yes, the Vick incident hits close to home for me; especially seeing Cayenne (and Lily too) represent the breed brutally abused. Abusing animals is unfathomable to us, and just plain wrong.

But this turn of events reveals the strange beast of the NFL.

Earlier this year, Ben Roethlisberger was accused of raping a woman in Florida nightclub. No charges were filed. Yet this is not the first time Big Ben has been accused of sexual assault. He tends to go after almost any female that moves. Abuse - physical, sexual, emotional - against any human is also wrong. Yes, he was suspended for six games by the league. However, there was minimal (if any) backlash from women's abuse organizations, women's rights organizations, etc.

Then there's the whole Brett Favre "sexting" scandal. Favre allegedly sent inappropriate messages to former Jets gameday reporter Jen Sterger. She claims harassment, even though the communication was allegedly mutual. Keep in mind Favre is married (to someone who looks exactly like Sterger, strangely enough). There have been no legal repercussions as of yet, and honestly, there might never be. Sure, Favre screwed his reputation and his marriage, but it's his to screw up. Oh, and did you notice any backlash from the Council for Marriage and Family or the like?

But what about NFL players and murder? Enter Ray Lewis, indicted on murder and aggravated assault charges. However, charges were dropped against Lewis in exchange for his testimony against his two "friends". He got a year of probation, misdemeanor of obstruction and a hefty fine. No suspension. No backlash from anyone that I recall - although this was just over a decade ago. And he was named Super Bowl MVP a year later. Today, he is one of the most revered linebackers in the NFL. I'm not denying his talent or on-field charisma, but everyone seems to have forgotten the past murder charges. Call me crazy, but involvement in a murder is a bigger crime than animal abuse (as trite as that sounds).

What I'm saying is that the punishment should fit the (alleged) crime. I don't condone what any of these players (allegedly) did. In the case of Vick - he paid his dues, served his time, and should be allowed to play the game.

And for the record, I don't think Vick (or any of previously mentioned players) should be MVP for the reasons listed above.

against the MU grain

I was at brunch recently with some friends, and somehow we got on the topic of education - more specifically, attending college at Marquette.

I made the comment that had I graduated high school ten years later, I likely would not have gone to Marquette. Why? It's political and religious views, as well as belief and value system, have become increasingly conservative since I've attended, and thus been affiliated, with Marquette.

Granted, I don't expect Marquette to be left-wing liberal; it is a Catholic, Jesuit institution after all. For example:

You can't, and likely never will be able to, distribute condoms on campus. Remember the Catholic church's stances on premarital sex. And it still thinks one should only engage in sex for procreation. While I completely disagree with that (and would be a total hypocrite if I didn't) - it's the 21st century people are going to have sex at college. Period. They might as well be proactive and safe about it (considering the alternative). And why you think Planned Parenthood had a clinic 3 blocks from campus proper? Pure genius on their part.

The mandatory philosophy and theology credits. I was even quoted my senior yearbook stating this requirement should be done away with. Really. Yes, I know that these courses make up the foundation of a Jesuit, liberal arts education. In reality, I didn't mind the philosophy so much; if anything, it enhanced my critical thinking skills. Theology...well, I took the required intro course, Buddhism and Judaism. I was determined not to take another course that revolved around the Bible. As a result, I still know very little beyond the basics of the Bible - despite being raised Catholic. I did enjoy learning about different religions. However, today at Marquette they do not offer "outside" religion courses - all the theology courses are Bible-based.

Views on homosexuality. If you know me, you know my views on homosexuality are in direct conflict with the Catholic church and thus, Marquette. While it did recognize LGBTQ groups, they were not, and still are not, allowed to meet on campus. I guess this is better than nothing. And then in May there was the whole Jodi O'Brien fiasco. In brief: O'Brien is openly lesbian, a feminist, & professor and department chair at Seattle University (also a Jesuit institution). Her areas of study and research are in the areas of anthropology and sociology (specifically gender, sexuality and religion); including extensive research on lesbian sexuality and support for sex-sex marriage. Upon completion the interview process, she was offered the position of Dean of Arts & Sciences at Marquette. Now, one would think the selection committee would have done its due diligence and reviewed her academic work BEFORE offered her the position. If they had done so, O'Brien never likely would have been offered the position due to her views on same-sex marriage (which are in direct conflict with the "fine" Catholic church). I suspect the increasingly conservative board of directors and the Archdiocese of Milwaukee forced Marquette to rescind the offer.

Due to these developments, I often question Marquette and what they are teaching the current college generation. Academic freedom and acceptance of others should always remain intact as it ultimately makes all of well-rounded individuals. Yet apparently, Marquette believes "academic freedom" and "acceptance of others" only apply if it falls within its stringent belief and value systems.

When I was done essentially bashing my alma mater, one of my friends said, "But Marquette needs you. They need someone who doesn't think like the majority."

I thought about that statement. In a sense, she's right. I may be upset at and disagree with Marquette's stance on many issues. However, it proves not all associated with Marquette are right-wing nutcases.

And in the end, wouldn't it be ironic if I used what I learned at Marquette to question the institution itself?

seven years & change

It was seven years ago today that my family and friends gathered at SS Peter & Paul on Milwaukee's east side to celebrate my marriage.

Funny how things have changed since.

While I know I was not wholly responsible (some would argue not at all) for the demise of my marriage, any relationship is a partnership - meaning that BOTH parties must be willing to make it work. I was willing, even if it was trying to fix something that likely could not be repaired. Yet that's my nature - I am not a quitter. Perhaps that's why this is one of my favorite quotes:

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If i quit, however, it lasts forever. (Lance Armstrong)

Yes, in my mind, quitting is a forever thing. Maybe it's partially because I'm stubborn, but I feel that if you make a commitment, hell or high water you should stay with it. And in all honesty, it took a while for me to realize that I wasn't "quitting" - largely due in part to my friends and family backing me in my thoughts/decisions. Sometimes things weren't meant to be for whatever reason.

However, in these past seven years....

I've learned to trust my gut even more than before. In fact, it was my gut instinct that got me "investigating" issues in said marriage. Sure, sometimes I will make a decision with little logical reasoning, but in the end it's worked out for the better.

I learned to live alone. It sounds funny coming from someone who's lived on her own since graduating college, but prior to May 2007, I had only lived alone (read: no family members or roommates) for six months of my life. Now I've done it for 2.5 years. I always felt I was independent; now I know I am.

I learned I could make a hobby into a career. Graphic design has always been a hobby of mine, and in 2006, I decided to switch careers. While the ex-hole was hardly supportive (that's a whole other story in and of itself), the dual income made it possible for me to actually take the plunge and take an entry-level job in marketing. Additionally, I also had the balls to do it. As a result, I really like what I do. While the politics of work sometimes pisses me off, overall I'm in a good place professionally.

I learned who my true friends are. It's always a life-altering situation that makes you realize this. Some dropped off the face of the earth for some unbeknownst reason. Maybe they didn't care or didn't know how to deal with the situation. The true friends are the people who listen to your midnight phone calls, help you plot revenge (even if it's never carried out), make sure you're busy on certain days of the year, never play the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" in your presence (sadly, it's a good song but I can't stand it), give you a stuffed donkey, take you out for drinks to celebrate becoming a "Loss" again, etc.

I learned I have to be myself. Basically, like me for me. I haven't been one to put on airs. I'm capable of being domestic; I choose not to be for the most part. I like sports - and I'm a Chicago sports fan living in Milwaukee. I have an off-color, sarcastic sense of humor. I'm opinionated, but I choose what battles/issues to fight. I fall asleep during movies, even those I like. I'm pretty fun...or so I think. But in the end, I learned that I'm just a really big dork. And I'm ok with that.

Yes, it's been a roller coaster of a seven years - some of which I wouldn't wish on anybody. But as the saying goes: what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger (to paraphrase Friedrich Nietzsche). Well, I'm not dead and I'm indeed stronger - physically, mentally and emotionally - than I even have been in my life.

cki disconnect: pop culture style

If you read this blog, you know I'm no longer CKI Administrator. And I'm finally ok with that. Regardless of circumstance, I would not be serving in that capacity today.

But for fun, let's take a look at why I would not fit in as the current CKI Administrator, pop culture style:

Glee obsession.

I fail to see why people are obsessed with this show. The concept : geeks join together and forge a bond and thus create their own clique. Wow...this is a novel concept...let's run with it! Not. It can be found in any sitcom or drama about and/or relating to high school students. Plus, for me high school was not a fun and joyous time nor the best years of my life. Why the hell would I want to live them vicariously through a TV show? Add to it that I'm not a fan of musicals in general - sans Rocky Horror Picture Show and a couple others.

Which begs the questions:

why would anyone attempt to destroy a wonderful cult classic?

what high school would actually allow the theatre department to perform RHPS?

Harry Potter fanatics.

You can tell me the books are well written. You can also tell me green beans are good for me. But if I have no interest in it or don't like them, it's just not happening. Period. I enjoy some sci-fi...Star Wars anyone? I can even go for the Matrix. When it crosses the line into fantasy, you've lost me. I have no interest at all. And with a HP themed fall trainer, everyone's fantasy would have been my hell.

However, I will give Harry Potter props for one thing: getting kids & teens to read. Beyond that, Harry should just graduate or (gasp) die. I am sick of you.

Disney.

I went to Disney World twice - at age 7 and 17. In my second trip, I called Dale of Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers Chip. Dale then proceeded to whap me on the nose. I was assaulted by a giant chipmunk. I really wasn't a huge Disney fan growing up, but this event certainly didn't help.

But these CKIers love Disney - about as much as Glee and Harry Potter. And it's not just the movies; it's the music too.

Now, I will admit I like two recent Disney movies: The Lion King and The Three Musketeers. The only explanation I can give for the former is that I'm a Leo and Jeremy Irons is the voice of Scar. I love Jeremy Iron's voice. The latter is actually one of my favorite literary classics. Plus, it's not a musical. And Oliver Platt is freakin' hysterical as Porthos.

Music.

There's a lot of pop music to be listened to. While I know who Justin Beiber is, I have no idea what he actually sings. And as a whole, I think most of the American Idol finalists sucked, and most pop music as crap. There is also a lot of 80s music to be listened to. As a point of reference, the average college student is 18-22 years old, thus being born 1988-1992. These college kids weren't even around to remember the 80s, let alone the music. It's almost frightening that they know all the words to Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl" yet barely any words to Guns 'n Roses "Welcome to the Jungle".

While I do listen to the 80s on occasion (read: when my iPod plays it) and admittedly still know the words to far to many "one hit wonders" - my preferred decades are the 1990s through today, alternative genre. I've always been an alternative music girl, so I'll chalk up the difference in music tastes to that.

And in closing, I leave you with a telltale example of the CKI pop culture disconnect:

On one board CD, a number of folks chose a song from the 1980s or an American Idol contestant. I chose Rage Against the Machine's "Renegades of Funk".

Enough said.

being thankful

A few of my friends have taken on the experiment of writing "30 Days of Being Thankful". Seeing that Thanksgiving is in a few days, I figured I could pseudo bandwagon jump and reflect upon what I'm thankful for (in no particular order)...

my immediate family.

They may be weird. They may be quirky. They put the "fun" in dysfunctional. But in the end, I love them all and wouldn't have it any other way. Individually:

Thanks to Mom & Dad for raising me and allowing me to think for myself and formulate my own opinions & views (even if they are different from theirs).

Thanks to Dad for bestowing me with the computer gene and for my (albeit sometimes off-color) sense of humor, which includes the ability to laugh at myself.

Thanks to Mom for supporting me in my creative endeavors and being a damn good sounding board when needed.

Thanks to Chris (my brother) for being the organized, goal-driven child so I could be me. And providing grandchildren. Seriously, thanks for doing the said "dirty work" as of late.

Thanks to Kelly for putting up with Chris (as well as the rest of the family). I don't know how you do it.

Thanks for Gavin and Liam for being the most freakin' adorable nephews ever. Whatever you choose to do, you'll take the world by storm.

my friends.

I really don't know what I'd do without them. Through good times and bad times, we've shared laughter and tears. We've leaned on each other (in both alcohol and non-alcohol induced states), received/given advice (solicited or otherwise), plotted revenge (legally), dealt with putzes and schmucks, roadtripped far and wide, tripped the Milwaukee club fantastic, visited watering holes, attempted - and then successfully played volleyball...and the list goes on. Sometimes thank you just doesn't seem like it's enough.

my health.

I realize that this sounds strange coming from someone who single-handedly has funded the college education of children of orthopedic surgeons and physical therapists for years. But outside the sports injuries, I am in good health (premier status if you ask my life insurance company), heal quickly from injuries/illness and completely missed the allergy gene that has plagued my immediate family. Plus, any aliments/oddities I may have can be fixed without any major repercussions. However, I should probably consider buying stock in ibuprofen.

my education.

Sure, I bitch about Marquette - even more so as of late. However, my theory-based MU education has allowed me to apply what I've learned to anything else I decide to do. Case in point - a BA in Sociology/Social Welfare usually does not lead to Marketing & Graphics. Surprisingly, that liberal arts knowledge can - and has been - applied in my current field. I don't agree with their views on numerous issues, but what I took away from my four years there are invaluable.

my like of technology.

I'm not one to be afraid of new gadgets, or press buttons on things. Let's face it, you really need technology to survive in our world today. The advent of cell phones and social media has allowed me to keep in better touch with my friends and immediate family. And since I jumped in on the beginning of the social media craze, it's helped me be a major asset at my company. Unfortunately, my like of the stuff also means I am my mom's personal tech support.

my involvement with the k-family.

Minus the last year, the Kiwanis family played a major role in my college and young adult days. It afforded me to meet folks from all across Wisco and the UP, as well as across the country. Some of those folks still remain good friends. It also offered service and leadership opportunities - in fact, Marquette CKI was the first elected leadership position I ever held. Honestly, I probably am the person I am today in part due to my k-family experiences. And after a hiatus, it feels good to be back.

So this Thanksgiving as you gather with family/friends whilst stuffing your face with all the traditional cuisine and watching football (go Lions and whoever's playing the Cowboys), take a moment to give thanks.

it's only money...but still...

As a collective, my parents treated myself and my brother equally. However, since my brother now has a family, this "equality" has changed....in the cash flow department.

Now, I realize for the remainder of this blog I likely will come across as a self-centered little bitch. And that's ok - everyone should be allowed to do it once in a while.

I guess it somewhat started prior to the birth of my adorable nephews. My brother went to vet school and loans only covered so much. Thus, my parents covered the balance of the tuition/room/board - which I'll estimate at $50,000. I'd like to point out that when I took graduate classes, the only person paying for it was me. Sure, I realize my brother has college loans to pay; but he also makes a six-figure salary. It's not about payback, really. However, I figured part of said "payback" were the trips to Europe (Baltic States, Greece and Spain) with my mom over the past few years. For ease of calculation, let's say the trips are $5000 each ($15,000) total. So now there's a $25,000 tip in the scales.

With the addition of the nephews, those scales are tipping further. I don't even want to know what my mom spends on birthday and Christmas gifts. Now, children should NEVER be screwed out of gifts on these occassions (which is why I buy Christmas gift for the kids and the kids buy my gift). Yet I'm willing to bet that the collective costs of the gifts are worth at least one round-trip plane ticket from MKE to any area DC airport, possibly two trips. At Christmas , if you combine the actual cost of the ticket and dog-sitting for Caye, that cost is about $350. Who pays for my ticket and dogsitter? Me.

And yes, there's more. My mom does babysit for the nephews (and sometimes the dog) from time to time. In October, she dogsat for 10 days. The running rate for a pro to do it $200 minimum (and that was the cost of my plane ticket for this trip, I might add). So if you add up the pro bono babysitting, I'm sure that cost probably equals the cost of another plane ticket, maybe two.

Don't get me wrong, I realize that having kids is expensive. I also know the reality: my brother alone makes at least twice as much as I do.

I really don't ask for much. Maybe a MacBook and/or flat screen TV (retail for what I want: $1500). That, or payment for my varicose vein procedure next year (at a nice $3000 - the amount that insurance won't cover). Even if you throw that on the tipping scale, it's still at about $20,000.

If you're looking at the "equality" angle, I shouldn't have to pay for any of my trips home. Period.

citizens actually decide election outcomes

I swear I know some crazy, whacked-out conservatives (thank you Marquette University for introducing me to these folks...please note the sarcasm.)

This status message greeted me on my facebook newsfeed last night (although I didn't wholly get my thoughts together until now): (insert God-fearing conservative here) would like you to support Scott Walker, Rebecca Kleefisch and Ron Johnson when you vote but knows that ultimately God elects government leaders. This is why we try not to speak ill of our elected leaders even if we don't agree with their decisions, especially in front of our children. To God be the glory.

OK, I really don't have a problem with someone promoting/advertising for whom to cast your ballot, even if there is no fucking way I am voting for those candidates. I would like everyone to support Tom Barrett, Tom Nelson and Russ Feingold. Those are my political views and whom I feel ultimately are the best choices for Wisconsin. And yes, on some level, I think everyone should vote for the candidates I do. Sadly I likely will be in the minority thus will be drowning my sorrows with - ironically - red wine. Point being, in the USA we are able to vote - mostly without being ostracized or brutalized - for the our candidates of choosing.

My issue is the statement that "ultimately God elects government leaders". Correct me if I'm wrong, I still wholeheartedly believe that the citizens going to the polls and actually casting ballots will elect the next government leaders. Believing this statement would mean this election is already over whether or not one votes...so why bother? It also implies that we have no free will in the voting process. Isn't voting a symbol of freedom and living in the free world? I thought so. We, as citizens, are ultimately responsible for the outcome of these elections and the choices we make in general. Period. Anything otherwise would be preposterous.

I know I have supporters with my views and opinions on this. However, I did not expect one to respond to the comment (and I have no idea who this person is, but I kind of like them): I will teach my children that we're ultimately responsible for the choices we make, and the people we elect. Not to pass the buck to "God" when things go badly. But thanks for the advice.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. There people who are intelligent and hold themselves accountable out there.

(Note: There was a counter-response to the effect we rely on God for everything and not our government; and he's passing on a burden to his children. Somehow, I fail to see how teaching your child to hold him/herself accountable for actions/choices as passing a burden or a bad idea. Teaching children to rely on something/someone other than themselves seems to be a much worse idea.)

As for the second half of the statement, it is probably good practice not to speak ill of people in front of children in general - elected official or not. However, there are no children reading this so here it goes. I thought "W" was a moron and royally fucked this country for eight years. There is no way Obama could clean up his mess in 1.5 years, let alone four. But whether or not I personally voted for "W" or agreed with his policies (which I didn't), he was still the president of the USA and thus commands some (albeit a tiny, tiny iota) of respect. However, this does not mean I will stop badmouthing "W" or the projected Wisconsin governor anytime soon.

Bottom line: It is your privilege to vote as we live in a free country. Exercise that privilege. Make your voice heard. And when you do, vote Democrat. OK, really...go vote for whom you feel is the best candidate.

three month check-up

Well, it's been three months since my birthday and thus, time to revisit my progress on my birthday wishes 2010. See kids, this is what happens when you publicize things...it holds you accountable.

So without further adieu, here is the update:

• promote/develop my freelance design "business" (using that term loosely) - I completely revamped Jeanette Hurt's website and the WIUM KDF website, as well as created a logo for a cancer awareness fundraiser (note the shameless plugs). Still a work in progress, but getting closer.
• a MacBook - I look at the website frequently, but really can't afford to drop the $999. If anyone would like to purchase one for me, it would be much appreciated.
• take more photographs (those of the artsy, landscape variety) - I pretty much have my camera with me almost all the time, so I actually have been doing it. Whether it good photography, that's questionable but you can judge for yourself here.
• learn to play bass - I don't think I've even been close to a bass in the past three months.
• catch up with friends I haven't seen much in the past year - Thanks to the modern miracles of e-mail and facebook, this is being accomplished. Plus, I've actually seen said friends in persons at least once.
• keep in touch with friends I actually see - I've been good at this one.
• visit friends in faraway places - specifically those in Florida, Arizona and Connecticut - who I keep promising I'll visit - The ball is rolling to visit Arizona - just need to confirm that the date works for all parties involved. No headway on Florida or Connecticut, but I may be going to Philly for the Cubs/Phils series in June (note: I have friends in Philly & South Jersey).
• teleportation to see said friends and my nephews more often - I did see the nephews in October, but it was via good, old-fashioned airplane. I may lack the scientific know-how for this teleportation thing.
• travel internationally without my mom - Not yet.
• the adapter thingie that allows you to use your iPod in the car - Thanks to a great bf, I got one for my birthday!
• a Wii Fit - I'm thinking I'd rather have an LCD TV.
• lose that last 20 lbs - Since I don't own a scale, I probably will never know. But I've been told it looks like I lost weight. Maybe if I start doing that boot camp regularly that nearly killed me on Saturday morning...
• manage my finances more effectively - I haven't touched my growth savings account since July. For me, this is major progress.
• actually watch some shows I've DVRed - Ha ha ha...I had to delete some to make room for shows I may or may not get around to watching.
• become more involved with the K-Family again - Despite the bball incident, I turned in my membership form today.
• world peace (sorry I had to) - I doubt it will happen in my lifetime.
• instead of complaining about something, do something to change it - Ok, I still complain...but then I work on changing it.
• give up diet Dew - Admittedly, I only had this one in my mind as I thought it would be near impossible. However, I have not had one since 17 August. Yay me!

So there you have it...your long-awaited update. If you check back in three months, I may even have a six month update.

the skinny

A strange phenomenon has happened in my life in the past month...people have referred to me as "skinny". If you feel so inclined to reference my being benny post, you might have picked up that I find this extremely weird.

The first inkling appeared in mid-August at a volleyball game at Tracks. Two team members said it looked like I had lost weight. I just brushed it off, rationalizing that it was summer and since I'm outside more I was tan, thus appearing thinner. Whatever.

Enter the month of October. I went home to Maryland for my cousin's wedding - or as I like to call it, an excuse to see my nephews (oh, and those people who take care of them) - early in the month. I'm standing in my brother's kitchen - probably drinking a beer - and out of nowhere he asks, "Hey Bec, have your lost weight?" I respond with a "deer in headlights" look, as I don't think my brother has ever asked that question (well, to me anyway). Truth be told, I couldn't really answer the question as I firmly believe "scale" is a dirty five-letter word and borderline satanic. But I did think he needed his eyeglasses checked.

On this excursion home, of course I had to go into DC, visit the Washington Monument and take photos (even if it looks the same EVERY time). Upon my return to Milwaukee I posted these and other photos on facebook, per usual. I go volleyball the following Monday, and one of my teammates who viewed the photos commented "I like the photos...and you look so skinny." Huh? The conversation then gravitated to how my teammates usually see me in shorts (which I am not attractive in. At all.), t-shirt and XL sweatshirt. Thus, when I wear "real" clothes, you can actually tell I have a waist. This prompted me to slam my beer. Really? We're in a bar. Can't we talk about football or the douchy vball team we were about to play?

Last week I was at a "Swap Party" (aka "One persons trash is another person's treasure" - everyone brings stuff we want to get rid of and we kind of go through it to see if we want anything. The "leftovers" are donated) and the host told me I was getting smaller - ironically I was stuffing my face with cheese and beer at the time. So I start to look through the clothes and find a few tops. I try them on, determine I want them, etc. Then I look at the size. Medium. I can actually fit into a medium. And today, my dress pants that used to barely fit are actually loose. Shocking I know.

Maybe it's the vball, 5x/week PT exercises and daily 3 mile walks with the pup; because I know I don't eat any better (exhibited by the mozz sticks, nachos and beer I considered dinner last night). And maybe this giving up the soda (sans diet white soda) was a good idea. Whatever. It's weird.

Honestly, I still think y'all are on crack. However, I'll accept the compliments and reply with a heartfelt "thank you".

i question it

As of late, I've noticed a lot of my friends have become religious. I'm not talking the "I go to church on Sunday" religious; I'm talking "Thank you God for blessing us, providing us, etc."

On some level, I guess I should expect it. After all I went to a Catholic, Jesuit university - and a majority of students went to Catholic grade school & high school. Overall, I don't have a problem with those who have a strong faith in religion. It's an individuals choice as to what he/she believes (presumably). I don't necessarily agree with their beliefs - as a recovering Catholic with major questions with the current state and action of the church - but if it works for them, great.

But why the sudden religious revolution? Your guess is as good as mine.

I knew a lot of these people in my college days and early 20s, at Marquette and otherwise. Judging from the activities partaken in, I highly doubt we were thanking God for blessing us. In fact, "God" was likely only spoken in terms of "God dammit", "oh God, yes", etc. And I'm sure some activities were not condoned (by a higher power or the authorities) in any way.

Now one of these friends is pledging money to K-LOVE (a "positive, encouraging" Christian music/ministry station) saying "I've donated have you?" Hmmmm, no. I don't intend to either. Another is huge fan of Christian music. I think he's a fan of every worship/praise group out there (as evidenced by his status messages). Some of these said sites states "It's more than worship, it's a way of life." So chanting in unison with others is a way of life? As I recall, Waco was similar...and we know what happened there. This same friend (among others) have an inordinate amount of Bible verses under their "Favorite Quotes". Newsflash: Just because something is written down does not make it true. Yet another states "Putting my faith in Jesus Christ has changed my life. I desire to give God glory in everything I do out of love and thanks to Him for his sacrifice for me." Really? This first implies that one must have a belief in God to have meaning in life. However, I am sure a number of atheists found meaning in life without said belief. Second, I put faith in myself because if something is going to be accomplished/changed in my life, it should my doing and not an outside entity. It is somewhat unsettling that someone would put faith in something over putting faith in oneself.

One could argue that once children are involved, things change as all of these friends have children. I can see that, and know that indeed happens. Case in point - my brother. He (and his family) started to go to church because of the kids; prior to that we were both "Santa Babies" (as my mom lovingly references). Learning about religion isn't a bad thing. I think children need to learn about religion - at least the historical perspective - due to societal references. I myself am interested/intrigued as to how religion, society and culture co-exist in today's world. But suddenly devoting your life, completely altering your perspective, putting everything out of your hands and essentially removing accountability? I question that.

I'm not a hedon. I'm not an atheist either. There is nothing wrong with believing in God or practicing religion. I just don't think that one's religious beliefs proclaimed to the masses (no pun intended), nor should it be the reason for life's trials and tribulations.

There's a saying that goes "if it's to be, it's up to me". Maybe we should start living by that creed instead.

feels like home

Despite living in Wisconsin the better part of my adult life, I will always consider Maryland home. Yet I never plan to reside there (or on the east coast for that matter) again. In reality, I'm more suited for life in a Midwestern or Pacific northwest city.

But in honor of my "triumphant" return to my old stomping grounds this week, I give you the reasons you'll know I'm a Marylander for life:

• Everything tastes better with Old Bay.
• The only real crab cake is a Maryland crab cake - accept no imitations.
• Anything below 32 degrees is still considered cold.
• A 2" dusting of snow should still merit a 2-hour delay at minimum. Anything above 6" merits a snow day.
• It's pronounced "Merlind"; "Mareland" is acceptable. If you pronounce is "Mary land" I will punch you.
• Cal Ripken Jr. is revered as a god among men; he is our hometown hero and #8 forever in our hearts.
• “Fear the Turtle” is more than a saying; it's a way of life during tourney time.
• We shout "O" at the verse "Oh, say does that star spangled banner yet wave..." during the National Anthem (even at inappropriate times/events).
• "Coke" refers to any carbonated beverage. For example, "What kind of coke do you have?"
• Coolest. State. Flag. Ever.
• “Beer and football..that’s what Maryland does." (thank you, Wedding Crashers)
• And finally...the distinct Maryland "o". And no, I don’t say my “o’s” funny.

being benny

"You mustn't mess me about. I know I may look like a rhinoceros, but I've got quite a thin skin really." ~ Benny, Circle of Friends

I know. It’s a quote from a chick flick. I generally don’t like chick flicks.

Admittedly, the main reason I saw this movie in 1995 was the lead actor. This was during my Chris O’Donnell phase and I saw pretty much anything he did during this period.

The premise of the movie, based on the novel by Maeve Binchy (note: I am not a fan of her other works), centers around Bernadette “Benny” Hogan (Minnie Driver) and her childhood friend Eve as they enter University College in Dublin and deal with the usual issues of college life. The main story line focuses Benny - a funny but insecure, overweight, plain-looking young woman - and her relationship with Jack Foley (O’Donnell), the star of the university’s rugby team. Benny quickly falls for Jack (and seeing my then infactuation with O’Donnell who could blame her?) But to the surprise of Benny (along with everyone else), Jack fancies her as well. This turn of events prompts Benny to ask “He could have anyone at all. Why would he look at me?”

The plot then follows their courtship as both learn lessons about friendship, betrayal, life and love. No, there is nothing unique or startling about this plot. And no, I won’t give away the ending on the off-chance you haven’t seen it but plan to see it.

But fifteen years later, Circle of Friends remains an exception to my usual movie tastes largely because I relate to Benny.

I still maintain that I was not a cute or attractive child or teenager. One might even say I was overweight and plain-looking (in part to attending a school like BHS 90210, east coast style), yet crushing on a football palyer who didn’t know I existed. Thus, figuring I wouldn’t get by on my looks, I fell back on my sense of humor and personality. Some will say I’m not overweight or plain-looking, but whatever. Truth be told, I’m in shock if someone actually thinks I’m attractive as I still see myself as that chunky, frizzy-haired, coke-bottle glasses wearing but funny kid. I know…insecure much? And really, why on earth would you look at or fancy that kid?

That being said, my personality and sense of humor have served me well for the most part. However, there is a down side. That same personality gives off the vibe that things don’t get to me and, to a lesser degree, I don’t really need positive reinforcement. As for the latter, I think everyone needs some kind of positive reinforcement but it’s not something everyone is willing to give. The former is is different story. Despite my happy-go-lucky exterior, things do get to me - perhaps more often than they should. My usual public response is to crack a joke (usually self-effacing) or laugh it off.

And for most part, no one is the wiser. But despite a tough exterior, some of that thin skin has likely been torn…

2632

If one looked at the lineup card for the Orioles/Yankees game on this date in 1998, one would have the nagging feeling something was missing. It wouldn't be until the lineup was announced at Camden Yards when everyone realized what that "something" was...

Cal Ripken Jr. was not announced in the starting lineup. History had been made. "The Streak" was over.

Yes, it is simply referred to as "The Streak". Ripken played in an astounding 2632 consecutive games, surpassing Lou Gehrig's record (from 1939) by 502 games. What started on 30 May 1982 and spanned 17 seasons had finally come to an end.

Why end at 2632? Ripken would later state that he decided to end the streak at season's end to avoid off-season controversy and he wanted to end it on his own terms. Those of us who grew up with Ripken as the face of the Orioles (myself included) will also argue that he wanted the streak to end where it began - Baltimore, in front of the Oriole faithful.

The end of "The Streak" also was the beginning of the end of what is known as "The Oriole Way." "The Oriole Way" was a belief that hard work, professionalism, and a strong understanding of fundamentals were the keys to success at the major league level. This is how Ripken - and all the players of during Ripken's tenure, including the 1983 World Series Championship team - played baseball. Truth be told, Ripken was not a flashy player; but he went out everyday, gave 110% and got the job done. Or as he put it on numerous occassions, "I just go out there and do my job like anyone else." Thus, Ripken’s name has become synonymous with strength, character, perseverance and integrity.

This isn't to say that today's Orioles are a bunch of assholes and fucktards (aside from owner Peter Angelos). Nor is it that they're rude slackers. I'm sure a majority are upstanding guys who work hard, are professionals and understand the fundamentals. They're not the Orioles I grew up with; however, baseball isn't the same as I grew up with either.

But to a kid growing up in Maryland, Ripken was a god. The hometown boy playing for the hometown team. He was the good guy that everyone liked. He was the player that was actually cheered at visiting ballparks (which I have witnessed at the Metrodome). Girls had a crush on him; boys wanted to be him. Kids wanted #8 for their jerseys, and some of us still do.

Yet amidst all the fanfare "The Oriole Way" was, either by design or fluke, was somehow ingrained into us Maryland kids on some level. That in and of itself is not a bad thing at all.

Yeah, 2632 is an amazing feat that will likely never be surpassed. But #8 will live on in our hearts for not only how he played the game, but who he was as person.

600

I am not (and likely never will be) a Brewers fan despite living in Milwaukee for my adult life. This largely due to my being a Cubs fan, plus a slight grudge still held from a one game Orioles/Brewers playoff in 1982.

However, as a life-long baseball fan, congratulations go out to Trevor Hoffman (now of the Brewers) for amassing his 600th save.

Granted, Mario Rivera of the NY Yankees is now at 555 saves. Bar any major injury or catastrophe, he will likely surpass Hoffman as the all-time saves leader before his career is over. But I digress...

This day, and more importantly, this moment belongs to Hoffman.

Hoffman, the all-time saves leader, is the first pitcher in history to compile 600 saves; an impressive feat capping off 17 impressive years as a closer. Plus, with #600, he further solidifies his spot in MLB history - not to mention further securing his ticket to Cooperstown.

And for this week in baseball history, "Hells Bells" never sounded so sweet.

on being girly...

I was having a phone conversation with a good friend the other day. Amongst the topics of relationships and dating and friendships, she said one thing I never thought anyone would say about me:

"Bec, you are a girly girl."

Really? Me? Girly girl?

Hmmmm...I don't know. Would a "girly girl"....

• pick horror movies over a romantic comedies?
• prefer to go a baseball game over a bridal shower?
• watch Spike TV over Lifetime TV?
• win NCAA basketball tourney pools?
• be knowledgeable enough about cars not to get screwed at the mechanics?
• know more about sports stats than the latest haute courture?
• choose a beer in a bar over a cosmo in a club?
• curse like a sailor and be able to make a Marine blush?

Well, you get the point. My preferences/interests don't exactly fall into the realm of "girly girl". Then I was reminded of some inklings that would indeed have me fall in this category...

• I dye my hair once I see a trace of that "natural lighting process" (current color: dark cherry) and in general am a bit obsessed about my hair.
• Overall, I care about how I look (including shaping those Colin Ferrel brows).
• I watch interior decorating shows (not mentioned, but it fits).
• Our topics of conversation during said phone call.
• I wear a lot of twirly, girly skirts.

Ok, so maybe...just maybe...I'm a bit of a (gasp) girly girl. Who would have thunk it?

All it really means is that I'll swear at a my bad shuffleboard throw whilst drinking a Guinness in a local watering hole, but I'll be wearing a girly, twirly skirt and look cute whilst doing it.

the last k-rant. really.

Oh, I'm sorry I only exist to you when I need something...

That pretty much sums up my relationship with the K-Family since April 2009.

And before I go on, I promise this will be my last musings about this situation. Really.

On Saturday, I attended the annual K-Family Brewers Game. Seeing it had been a full year (last years KFBG) since I went to a K-Family event, I wasn't sure what to expect. However, my experience was, well, interesting....

I wasn't expecting bells & whistles or the red carpet treatment. However, I didn't even get one "hello" hug. Now I'm not big on hugging each and every time you say hello/good-bye to someone (unless it's my parents or other folks I don't see often), but the K-Family is a "give-a-lot-of-hugs" type of group so I'll just go along with it. And it's somewhat expected. That set the stage for the evening...

I felt out of place and generally not welcomed - with exceptions, of course. Granted, there were a plethora of Circle K'ers I didn't know, but being about of the loop, that wasn't surprising...but those aren't the people I'm referring to. I reference the people I knew, those I served alongside with, those who I thought would support me in at least some regard. There were some obviously forced greetings, laced with the "why the hell are you here?" tone. Some people, again whom I worked and served with, who ignored me completely...including one rather high-ranking Kiwanian. Keep in mind, these are the same people who wouldn't hesitate to talk to me when I was administrator. I guess in their minds, I serve no purpose to them anymore and therefore, anything beyond a simple "hello" (if that) is just too much effort.

The only folks who appeared to be welcoming were a recent past CK governor, a Kiwanian from Madison (we had a every nice convo in the concession line) and anyone affiliated with Marquette CKI. MU CKI still rocks. Just know that your friendliness was much appreciated. That being said, I'm glad i sat next to a CKI'er scoring the game (and was actually able to help...Granddad taught me well) and I brought a guest - otherwise it likely would have been a very lonely and uncomfortable evening.

Yes, I get that the way I fell/got forced out of the loop was less than ideal. One would think that coming to an event shows a bit of effort (and a bit of pride swallowing) to possibly become involved again. Then again, I'll give someone the benefit of the once. Maybe it's a mistake to ask for that in return. Yes, I get that I "broke the rules" and thus, there should be consequences. However, I think my so-called punishment is a bit extreme for the crime. Yes, I get that communication is a two-way street. I can "small talk"; I'm fairly adept at it. In fact, I was chatting with someone in our group and I still have no idea who he is. However, it only works if the other person actually has even a minute interest (or in non-pc terms "gives a fuck") in participating.

This event mirrors my post-administrator encounters with the K-Family, again with exceptions. Those exceptions? The administrators & alum I hung out with at CKI events. I miss those guys dearly, and fortunately I've stayed in touch with a majority of them. Plus, these are the only folks who appear to have a genuine interest in me staying involved with the K-Family. Hell, one even extended the invitation to join his club (even though it's a Georgia-based eClub). Sadly, that seems to be the only sincere and personalized invite I've received.

Overall, my recent experiences with the K-Family have been less than stellar. OK, maybe a baseball game isn't the best benchmark to determine my future involvement with the organization. But whether it was by design or otherwise, for the most part I felt like an outcast and unwelcomed. And it certainly didn't get me motivated to rejoin Kiwanis.

This from an organization to which I dedicated nearly two decades of service. Apparently, that doesn't mean much anymore.

Maybe that's why I never got that good-bye hug either...

fear this

As of late, I have been "reminded" of some of my peculiar persuasions - or irrational fears - if you will.

What exactly is an "irrational fear"? Well, it's a type of phobia (from the Greek, meaning "fear"), A phobia is a intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, etc. where the main symptom is the excessive and/or unreasonable desire to avoid the things/situations feared. Usually, it is a learned response brought on by an experience. However, the fear is usually transmitted to other situations while the original experience is repressed or forgotten.

Or in layrpersons terms - the crazy, I’ve-got-a-better-chance-of-winning-the-lottery than being (fill in the blank), kind of fears.

We all have them. Some people are afraid of driving on bridges, others fear historical figures (really, there are people afraid of Abraham Lincoln). And yes, I have some irrational fears of my own.

One of these such fears is commonplace in our society: the drive-thru. I do not like driving through the drive-thru. In fact I will try to avoid doing so at all costs. When I go to the bank, I park the car and walk into the bank to make a deposit, get quarters, etc. I rationalize by saying I want to say "hi" to the people at the bank - who happen to be very nice. And sometimes they have cookies. If I get a "fast food" meal, I go into the establishment to order. Hmmm, maybe that's why I like Subway so much (aside from it being delish) - no drive-thru. In fact I will have someone else drive my vehicle through the damn thing. Now you ask if the fear interferes with your life could it be an anxiety disorder? Perhaps, although I've never heard of a "drive-thru phobia". But is it really wrong to want to talk to folks personally rather than a sliding glass window? However, the weird part is that I am perfectly fine if I am a passenger and not driving the vehicle.

But Bec, the drive-thru? Yes, really. Maybe it's because when I was learning to drive many of the roads had cement barriers and each time I got too close, my dad would comment (read: yell). Or it could be that I have visions of hitting the accelerator instead of the brake - which I did on my learner's permit, causing an accident - and find myself on the news because I literally "drove-through" the fast food establishment. Realistically, the chances of the latter happening are slim...yet there is that possibility.

The other one may fall into that Abe Lincoln category: clawfooted tubs. At least I know how this fear manifested.

I was seven and my family was visiting relatives in North Dakota in the dead of winter...and it was f*in cold. We stayed in a hotel with a clawfooted tub, which I actually bathed in. Then I went to bed and had this dream: I was taking a bath and the bathtub decided to use its feet to walk outside. In the middle of the night. With snow and -40 wind chills. And it left me in the middle of an intersection. Using infinite seven-year-old wisdom, I determined that if it could happen in a dream it could actually happen. Needless to say, I never got into the hotel tub - or any other clawfooted tub - since.

Well, that's a bit nutty, right? I'll even admit that. It's not like I have an issue with other tubs or I'm afraid of water (especially if I swam competitively for ten years and have done the swimming portion of triathalons). So two years ago, at Camp Wawbeek, I tried to overcome this fear. The shower I usually used was being fixed in the house where Kiwanians stayed; the only other in-house option was a clawfooted tub. After a ten-minute stare down, the damn tub won. I still couldn't do it. I walked across the way to the dorms (where the college kids were) and showered there. Apparently I'm still not over my issue of clawfooted tubs. I guess would also be a prime example of fear interfering with life. Yet I ask, how often will I really encounter a clawfooted tub?

Personally, I think by acknowledging the the irrationality (but not necessarily rationalizing it) makes it less abnormal, or I'll say it, crazy.

In the meantime, please keep me away from drive-thrus and clawfooted tubs - then everything will be just fine.