parental lessons learned

As most of you who read this blog know, the situation between my parents is fucked up to say the least.  If you ask me what their status is, I'll tell you "separated" although legally, they are still married.  However, Dad lives elsewhere but none of us knows where he actually lives or lives with.  I can speculate he lives either near Derwood or Annapolis and lives with his "girlfriend" - yet have no proof to back that up.  

Do I care that my parents are separated?  Obviously, I care but to be honest it was not a perfect marriage (not that there is one).  They had and still have their issues, but talking about things beyond the trivial is not the m.o. in my family.  Getting personal information is like pulling teeth.   If the outcome ends up being legal separation or divorce, it will affect my brother and I - but I think we'd much rather have something definitive than the bullshit that's going on now.  Besides, it already is affecting us.  I want them both to be happy and I'm fine with the final outcome, whatever it may be.  The road to that outcome has been relatively shitty (to Mom especially) which is really unfair to her (and to a lesser extent my brother and I).

But if anything good can come out of this, it's this: we can learn from our parents - whether directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally - even in the least ideal of circumstances.  

1.  Be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings.  I have been - and if something pisses me off you know it (but if I like something you know it too).   Now it's to a greater extent, but in a more "politically correct" way.  I've even spoken up at work regarding some practices that I think are "questionable" - a practice I did not engage in before.  I figure it's better to speak up than stew about it, because in the end keeping quiet won't solve anything.

2.  Go beyond the trivial.  I'm quite fluent at small talk - which has it's merits in certain circumstances. However, in dealing with family and good friends, I think it does need to go beyond that.  My weekly talks with Mom usually center around sports, but this week she told me about a recent medical issue (and I'm the only one she's told...baby steps).  Of course, she sometimes forgets things so she freaked out when I told her about my biopsy which was negative (again).  Now maybe I'll actually tell her about Lexapro one of these days....

3.  Appreciate the family you have.  They sometimes get on your nerves.  But in the end you love them anyway, even if you don't like their actions.  Make the time to talk to them.  If anything, this situation has resulted in talking with my brother more often (and it is usually beyond the trivial).  I do wish I could see my nephews more often, and perhaps will find a weekend to visit this summer.  I would visit much more often if I lived closer, which is why it pisses me off that Dad doesn't visit them except for birthdays and holidays.  Now I just need to conjure up the balls to tell him that (amongst other things).  As a result, (spoiler alert) the nephews will be getting an Easter package from their auntie.  And then I'm looking forward to my brother's visit in 1.5 weeks. 

4.  Cut the bullshit.  Life is too short and quite frankly, none of us need it.  Instead of covering things up or trying to be covert, just come clean.  It'll make life more enjoyable for all of us.