expression of faith

Our faith should be expressed in working toward a better planet for our children and not the selfish, juvenile hope for a better afterlife for ourselves. I don't think anyone is going to Hell because it only exists in the minds of people who wish ill-will on others. 

- Greg Graffin, PhD, lead singer of Bad Religion

The above-referenced quote eloquently sums up how I feel about faith.  I have always maintained that I believe in the basic foundations of Christianity:  charity (read:  supporting and/or helping others in need - volunteering or otherwise), respect for others (read: acknowledging that others have a difference of opinion, be of a different creed, religion, race or orientation -  but it doesn't necessarily mean they're evil or damned for eternity) and  the "golden rule" (read: I hope I don't have to explain this).  However, I don't believe current evolution of Christianity (rather, I feel it's regressed a few centuries, nor to I support its doctrine and the organization it has become.  

Thus, I question my own religious (or lack of) beliefs on a fairly regular basis.  Even as a teenager, I questioned the purpose of going to church - which would explain why I went to the mall instead.  To use the cliche:  going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car. I  feel many  people use attending church to profess their faith and to validate that they are a good person.  It begs the question: why must one go to a service to profess one's faith?  Shouldn't one do something worthwhile for humanity rather than recite a creed in a church pew? (honestly, that seems somewhat cult-like to me).

A couple years ago, I posed the following, somewhat related scenario to my friend who is a professor of theology (for sake of argument, Jesus did exist):  

Let's say I have one hour per week to spare.  I can either go to church or volunteer in my community.  What would Jesus prefer me to do?

Her response:  Jesus would want you to volunteer. 

Mind you, this is not why I have been involved in a volunteer organization for nearly two decades.  Although I have told my parents more than once, "some people go to church, I go to Circle K/Kiwanis".   Dad has accepted this; Mom is waiting for me to attend church again. 

Now, I never got anything out of going to church (I think that's glaringly apparent).  However, volunteering is quite the opposite - helping those in need, fostering support for our fellow humans (and animals), working for the common/greater good and perhaps leaving the planet in better shape than when I got here.  

If you want to label that "faith", that's how I choose to express it.

most common words...

Apparently these are the words I use the most in my blog.  Interesting indeed.

nine months in....

Well, give or take a few days.  In nine months, I could have given birth.  But I guess trying to reach your goals is somewhat like giving birth - a long, painful process but worth it in the end.

So, with that being said here's the long awaited update...yeah right. (if you feel so inclined, you can compare it to the six-month check-up):

• promote/develop my freelance design "business" (using that term loosely) - I am convinced this will always be a work in progress.  The  rjl creative now has writing samples but still needs photos.  And a web graphics section. But I did get a freelance job...AND a part-time Director of Communications gig with Southeastern Wisconsin Arts Guild.  It's a start, but looking for more.  So if you know anyone that needs a graphics/communications person....(yes, my shameless plug).
• a MacBook -  If anyone would like to purchase one for me, it would be much appreciated. However, I think I should pay off my vein surgery bill first.  Donations accepted.
• take more photographs (those of the artsy, landscape variety) - I took photos of my dog.  He's cute.  Yet, Cayenne would not be considered a landscape.  Rumor has it spring is coming soon so this could change. 
• learn to play bass - I'm seriously beginning to question why I put this down as a goal.  I may have forgotten what a bass looks like.
• catch up with friends I haven't seen much in the past year -Yeah!  I'm doing this...thanks to to modern miracles of technology...plus the wonders of  Mexican food, Miller Park and alcohol.
• keep in touch with friends I actually see - I would like to thank Baker's Square, Brady Street, Wrigleyville and Tracks Tavern (oh, and beer) for making this possible.  I'll even see the hashers on 21 May....it might be warm enough to be hashing by then.
• visit friends in faraway places - specifically those in Florida, Arizona and Connecticut - who I keep promising I'll visit - Chicago is not considered a far away place, but I love it anyway.  Arizona bottomed out as the plane tix were too pricey for my liking.  I've heard nothing about Philly, and haven't even thought about Florida or Connecticut.  However, I might be going to North Carolina in September. 
• teleportation to see said friends and my nephews more often - Can anyone help me with this?  Please? 
• travel internationally without my mom - Aaah. 
• the adapter thingie that allows you to use your iPod in the car - It still works!  I particularly like listening to Ramstein's "Du Hast" as I drive through the ghetto.
• a Wii Fit - I changed this to a LCD-TV...and I got one!  Woo-hoo!  
• lose that last 20 lbs - Scale is an evil five-letter word and I will never like what it says.  Period.  However, I started boot camp ten weeks ago and recently realized I now have some semblance of ab muscles.  And I still wear a medium in some clothes.  
• manage my finances more effectively - If if wasn't for that damn $2700 bill that stupid insurance won't cover (because it's not deemed medically necessary... I call bs), I'd be doing better.  But still not bad.
• actually watch some shows I've DVRed -  I'm still really bad at this.  However, I watched two DVRed shows last night.
• become more involved with the K-Family again - I just have to pay my dues...but I got an e-mail welcoming me back!  Hoping to make it to a service project in the near future.  However, the CKI segment still continues to think I never existed.
• world peace (sorry I had to) - The death of Bin Laden won't bring world peace, but it eventually make the world a bit safer.  To manipulate a religion to spread a propaganda of hate is just wrong.
• instead of complaining about something, do something to change it - Ok, I still complain...but then I work on changing it. Yes, this is the same as six months ago.
• give up diet Dew - I seriously have not had any deit Dew.  But, I'm known to drink a diet Coke on occasion (or a rum & coke).  And sometimes coffee.  However as a former twelve-pack a day dewaholic, I'm still impressed. 

 

And happy cinco de mayo!

parental lessons learned

As most of you who read this blog know, the situation between my parents is fucked up to say the least.  If you ask me what their status is, I'll tell you "separated" although legally, they are still married.  However, Dad lives elsewhere but none of us knows where he actually lives or lives with.  I can speculate he lives either near Derwood or Annapolis and lives with his "girlfriend" - yet have no proof to back that up.  

Do I care that my parents are separated?  Obviously, I care but to be honest it was not a perfect marriage (not that there is one).  They had and still have their issues, but talking about things beyond the trivial is not the m.o. in my family.  Getting personal information is like pulling teeth.   If the outcome ends up being legal separation or divorce, it will affect my brother and I - but I think we'd much rather have something definitive than the bullshit that's going on now.  Besides, it already is affecting us.  I want them both to be happy and I'm fine with the final outcome, whatever it may be.  The road to that outcome has been relatively shitty (to Mom especially) which is really unfair to her (and to a lesser extent my brother and I).

But if anything good can come out of this, it's this: we can learn from our parents - whether directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally - even in the least ideal of circumstances.  

1.  Be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings.  I have been - and if something pisses me off you know it (but if I like something you know it too).   Now it's to a greater extent, but in a more "politically correct" way.  I've even spoken up at work regarding some practices that I think are "questionable" - a practice I did not engage in before.  I figure it's better to speak up than stew about it, because in the end keeping quiet won't solve anything.

2.  Go beyond the trivial.  I'm quite fluent at small talk - which has it's merits in certain circumstances. However, in dealing with family and good friends, I think it does need to go beyond that.  My weekly talks with Mom usually center around sports, but this week she told me about a recent medical issue (and I'm the only one she's told...baby steps).  Of course, she sometimes forgets things so she freaked out when I told her about my biopsy which was negative (again).  Now maybe I'll actually tell her about Lexapro one of these days....

3.  Appreciate the family you have.  They sometimes get on your nerves.  But in the end you love them anyway, even if you don't like their actions.  Make the time to talk to them.  If anything, this situation has resulted in talking with my brother more often (and it is usually beyond the trivial).  I do wish I could see my nephews more often, and perhaps will find a weekend to visit this summer.  I would visit much more often if I lived closer, which is why it pisses me off that Dad doesn't visit them except for birthdays and holidays.  Now I just need to conjure up the balls to tell him that (amongst other things).  As a result, (spoiler alert) the nephews will be getting an Easter package from their auntie.  And then I'm looking forward to my brother's visit in 1.5 weeks. 

4.  Cut the bullshit.  Life is too short and quite frankly, none of us need it.  Instead of covering things up or trying to be covert, just come clean.  It'll make life more enjoyable for all of us. 

Easter on the fb

Oh social media, what hath thee bestowed upon us now? 

This is the current "facebook challenge" going around:

During this couple of weeks before Easter, I am out to prove that my friends will repost, I hope I am right!!! Easter is not about bunnies and chocolate eggs. Let's lift up God's name and make a statement!! When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of You and Me. If you are not ashamed to call Jesus Christ your savior, copy and repost. I'm not ashamed.

I call myself spiritual.  Raised Catholic, but currently don't follow a specific religion and I honestly don't foresee that changing in the near future.  And if I do, I definitely won't be Catholicism.  In some capacity, religion does some for some people (i.e. sense of community, feeling of belonging, prescribing to a common belief) - I'm just not one of them.  However, I do realize that I have friends and family who prescribe to religion and it is a large part of their lives.  While I may not necessarily agree with their beliefs, it's their prerogative so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat.

That being said, I find this facebook challenge well, uncomfortable.  I always felt religion was a personal thing that was better kept private and not proclaimed from the rooftops - or interwebs.  That's what irks me about this whole "challenge".  Plus, if someone was to post that "Easter is about chocolate bunnies and chocolate eggs" I shudder to think about the wrath they would receive from "believers".  Because let's face it, in our society we question non-religious people in their beliefs as if they are deficient in some capacity but it's perfectly acceptable to have "Bible-thumpers" shouting scripture from every place imaginable (whilst picking and choosing what verses to adhere to and what not to).  That's wrong.  Everyone is entitled to his/her beliefs - and not shoving those beliefs down someone else's throat.  Period.

Besides, Easter is really about Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs.

bad habit...

No, this is not in reference to the song by The Offspring...although it ranks as my favorite song by them.

I've had this habit about as long as I remember, minus the three years I had braces.  The habit?  Biting my nails. 

My nails were gorgeous from eight through tenth grade, as the bits of nail would get stuck between the wires.  Yes, I know that sounds disgusting.  One would have thought that after three years of not doing it, I would have kicked the habit.  Nope.

The only other time I haven't bitten my nails was my phase of acrylic nails, which lasted from my wedding to about six months later.  When the nails hindered me from doing basic home improvement tasks, I stopped.  Sadly, I did try to bite the acrylics.  I never succeeded.  And once I stopped getting my nails done - you guessed  it - I was back to my old ways.

But why?  Nail biting in itself is defined as an impulse control disorder (falling into the OCD category).  If there is a trigger for nail biting, it is usually stress or anxiety.  In my case, I think it's two-fold:  a habit because I feel I constantly have to be doing something with my hands and general anxiety.   It makes sense.  I'm told I  run on two speeds - stop and go. If I'm not doing something somewhat active (physically or mentally), I will fall asleep.   As for anxiety...well, if you read the end of my previous blog, no explanation is really needed. 

This gave me an idea.  I've pretty much kicked the caffeine habit (although I do have the occasional frappucino or diet cherry Dr. Pepper/vodka drink).  I've started to make the effort to lose that final 20 lbs (yay for boot camp!)  So, what's one more thing, really?

Yup, I've decided to attempt to stop biting my nails.  I bought the bitter nail polish deterrent-type stuff and everything.  Plus, it's now been four whole days since I've bitten them.

However, I have discovered that I can now tap my nails on tables, walls, etc. and make noise.  This might just lead to a new habit....

We shall see.

my (perceived) absence

Lá Fhéile Pádraig sona duit!

Or in plain English:  Happy St. Patrick's Day!

No, celebrating with a Guinness or two (as green beer is an abomination) is not the reason I've been a slacker (or at least that's my perception) in keeping up in the bloggerverse.   In fact, I've been online quite a bit - but just not here.

The reason for my (perceived) absence is three-fold:  creative ventures, reaction to a shitty Wisconsin governor and happy pills.

Creative ventures are indeed a good thing.  I landed my first official freelance gig as rjl creative in the form of a logo design.  Granted, it was for a law firm and thus, not very "outside the box" design - but I look at it as a foray into new territory.  I can do the whimsy as well as the traditional (even if the whimsy is way more fun). I may eventually get the logo on my website.  I've also been commissioned update the Southeastern Wisconsin Arts Guild blog - for which I designed the logo.  If you're looking for something to do in the arts community in SE WI, check this site out!  

On the "paying the bills job", I've been delving into the world of video editing (which I haven't done since college - and I'm sure the technology has evolved slightly) as well as learning about podcasts and RSS feeds.  As much as I love the graphic design aspect of my job, print media - while still present - is declining.  One can only go so far with graphic design and basic web skills, so I must evolve along with the marketing industry.  This is fine - learning new stuff is fun for me.  And no, I highly doubt this new found knowledge will produce the next SModcast-esque podcast.Who knew that my creative and technical skills would eventually merge?  It frightens me verily....

A shitty Wisconsin governor is not a good thing.  In fact, Scott Walker is a fucking douchebag.  During the past six weeks since his dictatorship over the state's government, I have been reading articles, blogs, etc. about how this doofus is stripping citizens of their rights and putting the state's future prosperity on the backs of the lower and middle class.  Additionally, I commend the Wisconsin 14 for fleeing the state and exposing the current regime for what it really is.  This is not what democracy looks like.

Well, I guess that tells you where I stand on the issues facing Wisconsin.  However, it has prompted me to be more involved in politics (which I strangely like) and stand up for causes I believe in.  Call it the proverbial fire under the ass.  As a result, I have gotten into debates (and some arguments) facebook - particularly regarding the Wisconsin situation.  And really, at this point, I don't care if you agree with me or not - at least realize there is another side to the story (even if I contend you're wrong).  If so inclined, I also have been posting frequently on my Twitter account - some political in nature, some completely random musings (i.e. damn this Greek yogurt is good).

Happy pills are a good-bad thing.  As some of you know, I was having health issues the past couple months.  I wasn't feeling like myself - extremely jumpy, having "worst case scenario thoughts", insomnia, etc.  After numerous tests (my cholesterol, vitamin levels, thyroid, blood sugar are all fine), I was diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder).  Yes, this surprised me as much as anyone.  But in reviewing the past 2.5 years, I realized I've been through a lot of shit (with some good sprinkled in) and quite frankly, I'm surprised it took this long. 

I can tell you anxiety meds are not fun.  The first one gave me acid reflux - and for someone who never has even had heartburn prior to this, that was interesting.  The second one gave me killer headaches.  If that's what a migraine is like, I never want to experience one.  Finally, the third time is the charm (I hope).  It's been a week and so far, so good.  Although, this may hinder me in hoisting more that a couple pints 'o Guinness this evening. 

Sláinte! ~ Cheers!